by Dragavon » Wed Oct 07, 2009 10:35 am
PDH wrote:I could edit it for length but I don't want to and you can't make me.
The Teen Titans - TRIGON'S BEING MEAN TO ME!!!
The Teen Titans are a gang of wrist-slitters (some of whom are closing on thirty years old) who have developed a kind of advanced suicide cult wherein they've realised that the most effective and blame-free method of ending their lives is to simply exist within the confines of the DCU. To speed this process up they live in a giant T-shaped building and wave their sweet, lolita asses around in front of people like Dr. Light until someone comes and puts them out of their misery.
What must it be like to join the Teen Titans? You know when you're a kid and your mother forces you to go the party of that little weird-smelling, dyslexic, Ralph Wiggum snot from your class who everybody hates? You go to some strange 'youth centre' you've never heard of before where a rubbish entertainer (who is a blood relative of the birthday boy like all other guests) falls asleep mid-song at the piano in a puddle of his own diarrhoea and you spend the whole time trying to remember the kid's name. That's what it must be like to join the Teen Titans. The one cool character, Ravager, was so ashamed to be near them that she physically escaped the confines of the page in order to hide in the disjointed but still superior back-up strip from former writer Sean McKeever.
Meanwhile, on the A-Side, Beast Boy or Changeling or whatever the hell he's calling himself at the moment is the new leader of the Teen Titans. This comes after one fairly important scene which takes place in a completely different book (sister title, the Titans). In that, Changeling shelved his multiple issue-spanning sulk long enough to find the Teen Titans trying to simultaneously fight a bad guy and grieve over the latest grisly death pointlessly forced on them by sadist editors. Having taken pity on them, he now hangs around with people half his age whilst they pretend it's not awkward that they are for the most part more mature than he is. Oh, and I think Raven has been raped by some kind of schizophrenic griffin or something. It's all really, really sad.
But then again, isn't that what teenagers want? Not the griffin thing but the unbelievably melodramatic angst-er-coaster of soap opera superheroics where the bad guys win more often than they do and no-one understands their pain? The teenage condition is the result of the twin discovery that your mother lied about how special you were and the horrible reality that the universe is a blank, uncaring void, physically incapable of feeling any sympathy for you and the petty string of failures you call a life. And that's where the Teen Titans come in. It's a place where your most trivial feelings are inflated to a near universal importance. Take Raven, for example. Here is a character whose thing is that if she experiences any happiness whatsoever the omni-dimensional space Satan who spawned her will enter her reality and subject its inhabitants to unremitting hellish torments, Urotsukidoji style. Isn't that the perfect teenage fantasy? It's emotional torture on an epic scale. Like Hostel for Emos.
And that's sorta what the Titans are all about. Because teenagers don't really want to kill themselves, they just want everyone else to know how much they've hurt them. If they died, they'd never be able to see that stuck up Chloe's face when she saw how much life-altering emotional damage she'd caused by daring to have larger breasts and totally exploiting it all the time. This was the case, anyway. Thirty goddamn years ago when this was still considered a fresh direction for the Teen Titans and the average comic book reader was young enough to appreciate it. At this point, the book desperately needs a new formula to run into the ground and Henderson has thus far only managed a competent if bland resuscitation of the now vegetative formula we've been stuck with for decades. It would be tempting to blame the state of the book on Dan Didio at this point, so let's do that.
I just read this review and while I don't want to review TT#75, I give this review a 10 out of 10.