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Uncle Logan Gets What’s Coming To Him

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Fri Feb 15, 2013 1:56 pm

Uncle Logan Gets What’s Coming To Him

Seems that Wolverine has outlived his purpose.



Source: The Death Of Wolverine In 2014?

First they came for the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't evil.
Then they came for the separatists.
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a separatists.
Then they came for the (possible) Phoenix hosts,
and I didn't speak out because I like stabbing them.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.


According to Bleeding Cool, there is a rumor that Marvel is thinking about possibly maybe perhaps killing off Wolverine - weather permitting.  Shrouding the story in the blanket of supposition, Bleeding Cool states that Marvel’s cash cow, might die because of time traveling or some such.  And we don’t mean die, but heal from one brain cell, we mean dead is dead is dead – so, for like 6 months!

Why? Because mutant kind’s personal Uncle Tom has out lived his usefulness to the Avengers. After failing to stab an underage mutant because of hypothetical future danger she might pose, letting flatscan lover Charles Xavier die before he could be exploited more, and having the gall to try and teach other mutants as if they deserve an education, Wolverine has finally lost his luster.

Reporting under the conditions that we not identify him, one Avenger told us:

Wolverine always stateth that he doth be ‘the best there is at what he doeth.” As the son of [redacted], I say thee ‘Nay!’ Didth the little man doeth anything 'cept run after yet anon Midgardian ginger when we invaded Utopia? Nay! Was it he who punched a defenseless teenager who was minding his own business whilst playing video games? Nay! Whilest Wolverine was (not) tracking Hope, the scion of [redacted] was in space yelling “have at thee” to an omnipotent cosmic bird force."

If Logan truly was is “the best there is” then Midguard Earth is doomed


Intrepid Outhouse reporter, Xarran, believes that the Avengers will convince Wolverine, who is not all that bright, that Mephisto (some sort of devil thing) and his Hell hoards will attempt to enter our realm via Mount Nyiragongo, Africa’s largest active volcano.  When he, Iron Man, and Rulk go to investigate the other two Avengers will simply push Wolverine in.

“Twas the best solution” says our anonymous source

Here at The Outhouse, known by organized crime as the place to go for ‘problem solvers,’ we applaud the Death of Wolverine as it can only help to bring attention to this not-so-well-known character.

Kudos Marvel, kudos.

 



Written or Contributed by GHERU


READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
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misac

Outhouse Editor

Postby misac » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:00 pm

:lol: :lol:
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IvCNuB4

Staff Writer

Postby IvCNuB4 » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:17 pm

Coming next summer ! The next HUGE Marvel Original EVENT OF THE DECADE !

"Planet Wolverine"

The Illuminati decide the Wolverine is too dangerous to remain on Earth. They trick him into entering orbit to destroy a rogue satellite, and then use a shuttle to jettison him from the solar system. They intended him to land on a peaceful planet, but the shuttle passes through a wormhole on its way.
As Logan listens to a recording from the Illuminati explaining their actions, his shuttle crashes on the planet CashGrab. Weakened from the crash, Logan is fixed with an obedience disk and taken into slavery. He is forced to fight gladiator battles for the planet's emperor, the Red Alpha. Logan forms a warbound pact with his fellow generic gladiators.
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GHERU

Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Fri Feb 15, 2013 2:20 pm

:lol:
well played
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Herald

Regular-Sized Poster

Postby Herald » Fri Feb 15, 2013 3:42 pm

IvCNuB4 wrote:Coming next summer ! The next HUGE Marvel Original EVENT OF THE DECADE !

"Planet Wolverine"

The Illuminati decide the Wolverine is too dangerous to remain on Earth. They trick him into entering orbit to destroy a rogue satellite, and then use a shuttle to jettison him from the solar system. They intended him to land on a peaceful planet, but the shuttle passes through a wormhole on its way.
As Logan listens to a recording from the Illuminati explaining their actions, his shuttle crashes on the planet CashGrab. Weakened from the crash, Logan is fixed with an obedience disk and taken into slavery. He is forced to fight gladiator battles for the planet's emperor, the Red Alpha. Logan forms a warbound pact with his fellow generic gladiators.


You beat me to it. :x :P

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