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Why Superman Needs His Red Shorts Back

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Tue Oct 16, 2012 4:02 am

Why Superman needs his red shorts back.

Following this week's edition of Blud-Blud, The Nacireman explains why Superman and his red shorts need to be reunited.




Just when you think that the debate over Superman’s New-52 “Kryptonian Armor” and his classic suit with the red shorts (or “underwear” as some of the more low-information types dub it) has died down, along comes Blud-Blood to revive it. In case you missed it, the Blud-Blood crew debated amongst themselves over the two unis in this weeks edition of the perennial OH comic strip. Naturally, things didn’t quite get resolved, so more level-headed people such as myself have to explain why the classic Superman uniform was better, and the current “armor” pretty much sucks.

First, let’s get the “underwear” mess out of the way. It’s not underwear and never was. Superman’s classic uniform was based on the one-piece leotards worn by the circus strongmen and other circus performers. Tights would sometimes be worn over the leotards, giving them the appearance of what many would consider to be underwear.

That look may seem archaic, but many athletes of the modern world will wear gym shorts over tights in colder weather, or when involved with high-endurance activities like cross-fit training or events like Tuff Mudder or Spartan Race.

Need proof? Here’s America’s favorite overrated backup quarterback, Tim Tebow.






Okay, you need an athlete that’s actually accomplished something outside of college? Here’s Kobe Bryant doing so in an NBA game (before David Stern got anal and banned players from doing so.)

 




That said, it is becoming more normal to see men in shirts over tights. So Superman doing so in a modern setting shouldn’t be too unusual.

With that out of the way, it’s time to get down for the more serious reason Superman needs the red shorts - aesthetics. Without the red shorts, the Kryptonian “armor” is a little boring. It turns out that he “S” shield and and cape really don’t do enough to make the armor work on their own. It’s not like Batman’s uni, which can work without shorts because the cowl, with it’s bat-ears and long black cape is such a dominating feature. Or Spider-Man’s costume, where the webbing up top and the mask hide the lack of design features in the leg area.

The issue with Supe’s costume may be in its blue color. Blue really doesn’t work as the main color of a costume as well as other colors do. Those kind of costumes really need a lot of additional design features to make them stand out.  Captain America’s suit, for example, has the star, red-and-white stripes around the torso, white sleves, and the texture from the chain mail make it such a dynamic costume. If it only had the star, it would be a lot less inspiring. Also, like Batman’s costume, Cap’s uni has a very striking mask to serve to catch the reader’s eye.

What does adding the red shorts do to Superman’s costume? It ends up breaking the monotony of the blue color. It gives the costume enough of a splash of color to be something dynamic. Adding the trunks gives the costume a more unified look, in that there’s more to it than just a shirt with a giant “S” on it.

The shorts also serve as a reminder of what Superman that essentially a strongman. He is a hero whose primary powers are physical. Look at the iconic images of Superman through his history: The cover of Action Comics #1, where he lifts up the automobile. Or the legendary Neal Adams cover, where he breaks through chains made of (temporarily-made powerless against Superman) Kryptonite. The shorts truly help promote the idea that Kal-El is truly the most strongest being on the planet.

Are the shorts archaic? Not in the sense that shorts worn over tights is common among athletes and fitness buffs. Do they actually provide Superman’s costume any use? In an ascetic way, yes. Would Supes’ be better off with the shorts? Quite so. The new costume is as boring of a costume that is out there. Hopefully, DC will come to their senses and restore the red shorts to Superman’s costume where they belong. Which will probably happen as soon as sales drop a few thousand more copies further than they already have.



Written or Contributed by The Nacireman


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User avatar

Punchy

Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:07 am

I think he should be wearing the jeans and t-shirt look in every title.
User avatar

BlueStreak

The Red Stands for Irony

Postby BlueStreak » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:08 am

This might be the most biting satire ever written on the site. Nac, you're a master at this. TC and Jude have nothing on you.
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Timbales

Fisty McDigger

Postby Timbales » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:10 am

When those athletes start wearing a speedo over their tights, you'll have a valid argument.
User avatar

Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:14 am

Punchy wrote:I think he should be wearing the jeans and t-shirt look in every title.


He looks even stupider in the jeans and t-shirt. specially with the cape.
User avatar

Punchy

Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:16 am

The Nacireman wrote:
He looks even stupider in the jeans and t-shirt. specially with the cape.


Why does he look stupid? He looks cool.
User avatar

Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:28 am

Punchy wrote:
Why does he look stupid? He looks cool.


For one thing, jeans and t-shirt read "Superboy" more than it does "Superman." The short sleeves just take it down a notch. Wearing the cape with the get-up makes him look even more juvenile than man.
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Punchy

Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:30 am

Image

He doesn't look very juvenile here.
User avatar

Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:38 am

Punchy wrote:Image

He doesn't look very juvenile here.


Just very oafish.
User avatar

Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:40 am

Punchy wrote:Image

He doesn't look very juvenile here.


Just very oafish.
User avatar

Punchy

Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:40 am

The Nacireman wrote:
Just very oafish.


He looks like Superman.
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Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:42 am

Punchy wrote:
He looks like Superman.


No, he doesn't. He looks like a goober wearing a Superman t-shirt.
User avatar

Punchy

Staff Writer

Postby Punchy » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:43 am

The Nacireman wrote:
No, he doesn't. He looks like a goober wearing a Superman t-shirt.


I despair of you sometimes.
User avatar

Juan Cena

DANG!

Postby Juan Cena » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:46 am

Punchy wrote:
I despair of you sometimes.


Because I don't think like a British teenager?
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MrBlack

WTF is this rank?

Postby MrBlack » Tue Oct 16, 2012 8:58 am

Punchy wrote:Image

He doesn't look very juvenile here.

The boots/jeans/t-shirt look makes him seem very working class. The cape is a bit awkward, but I think that's the point; he just seems like a normal guy who has opted to become a superhero. I love that look for what it was used for (Superman as a working class hero), but I do think that something more "official" looking was necessary as Superman became a fully recognized hero.

I don't mind the new costume, but I miss the yellow belt. I liked how that and the red trunks broke up the field of blue that made up the majority of the costume. I'm willing to admit that the trunks look a little ridiculous in this day and age (sorry Nac, but baggy basketeball shorts do not equal skintight trunks), but I think there has to be a better solution than the red belt.

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