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Strictly Speaking 01/19/09: Knives, Spikes and Bitches

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LOLtron
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Strictly Speaking 01/19/09: Knives, Spikes and Bitches

Postby LOLtron » Sun Jan 18, 2009 9:48 pm

ImageFor the first installment of Strictly Speaking, we'll take a first look at the cast of Wolverine's new flashback flick, and discuss why it's not as cool as you think. Then we'll have a taste of space chocolate with BSG's Kandyse McClure, speaking about her last episode on the show. Then, we'll see if Mr. Speigel from Cowboy Bebop knows kung-fu. Finally we'll find out how far the apple falls from George Lucas's man-tree, with a look at 20 year old Katie Lucas's episode of Clone Wars.Some interesting bits of geek news popped up over the weekend, if you could manage to surface from the tides of Obama long enough to notice. Without your breath smelling like you just sucked down a whole school of sea-kittens. Come on, who are we kidding? You don't care about that shit, anyway. You need space bitches and knife fights.Perhaps the most buzz-worthy geek event was the release of a publicity shot from this upcoming X-Men Origins: Wolverine flick.Except, it's not really an event as such. It's just something to placate our hunger for some on-screen stabbity-chop. Apparently, the movie has been suffering from some shooting delays, and instead of explaining what the hell is up with dat, star and producer Jackman dropped this photo for that ass, and sent a letter to Harry Knowles:http://screenrant.com/jackman-speaks-wolverine-reshoots-niall-5063/ImageIn an email to Harry Knowles Jackman said:Hey everyone -It’s Hugh Jackman, sending this note from freezing Vancouver. I have read a lot of your online comments regarding the footage that we are currently shooting and I share your passion for the Wolverine character and the movie - I owe it all to you guys!I wanted to reach out and let you know that due to scheduling conflicts with certain cast members and location/weather considerations, we had to wait until now to shoot a couple of scenes. Please rest assured that WOLVERINE will be badass and hopefully meet all of your expectations. I am stoked by the positive response to the teaser, which clearly reflects the tone and scope of the film. If you like that, we’ve got much more in store!In the meantime, here’s an exclusive shot of some characters you may recognize…Cheers,HughNow, I gotta say...I haven't been especially concerned about this flick. God knows I love the idea of Canadians with knives, but an entire movie that focuses on Wolverine seems rather a bit light on the vagina content for me to get too excited. And just look at this sausage fest picture. Do we have any bitches to look forward to other than Silver Fox? Well, the closest we can hope for is Gambit.Look, not even a sprayed-on five o'clock shadow could make Gambit more manly in the comics. So, hiring Covenant pretty boy Taylor Kitsch isn't likely to had any more heft to Remy's ballsack. But at the very least, his addition to the cast is likely to make the bitches wet. Get a haircut and a job, you cajun hippie.Oh hey, maybe Ryan Reynolds could convince his sexy mate to drop by the set long enough to jiggle her way into a cameo. You know, I used to read Deadpool when the comic first came out, and if he had been a smart-ass pretty boy instead of a smart ass bag of cancer, I just don't think he would have had the same appeal. Sure, there will be those hardcore Inner Circle geeks who will tell me, "Strict, you fool! Deadpool was a normal looking guy when he joined Weapon X!" But it's like Patton Oswalt said about the Star Wars Prequels: "I do not care where the shit that I love comes from."Instead of giving us the lovable asshole who's covered in cold sores, we've got a pretty boy douche. All he needs is a collar pop or two and the vision is complete. To make matters worse, he's a douche with a sword.And that, folks, is simply too much douche, even for a Wolverine movie.But the dubious icing on this particular spunk-frosted cake is muthafuckin Liev Schreiber as Sabertooth. I guess the man's got the height for the role, But come on. I guess Lemmy from Motörhead contributed his personal stylist to the project, but guys, come on. This is the most savage muthafucka you could get for the role?But whutevah. People tell me I'm too negative about this sort of thing. After all, Jackman, aside from his height, is a spot-on Wolverine, and really seems to care about the project.But goddammit, it's Fox, and I'm still pissed off about Big Momma's House 2.Next up: Space Bitches.As some of you may know, I'm quite a fan of Space Bitches. I did my undergrad work at the University of Kirk. And Battlestar Galactica has provided a safe haven for Space Bitches.Until now.Most of you flip your ballsacks for bitches like Starbuck or Number Six or Boomer. They are as the buzzings of flies to me when Dee is on the set. Kandyse McClure, fools. She is all that a weary traveller in a ragtag fleet looking for a shining hope called Earth really ever needed.But it seems no one on the staff of the show realized this, and they decided to cack her fine sexy ass. Now, since the season premiere aired on Friday night, I've been ranting about just how much of a down-home killing the writers needed for suiciding The Kandyse. I felt the whole thing was done pretty much for shock value and came out of the blue.And as it turns out, in an interview with scifiwire.com, The Kandyse agrees.Image How and when did you know what was in store for Dee?McClure:Ummmm, how do I be politically correct about this? They didn't quite ... I got a first inkling when there were contract renegotiations, and there were only 13 [episodes] on the table. So I got kind of a clue then, because I was sure there'd be more than 13 episodes in the last season. And even then it was a bit vague. [Later,] I read the script in the hair and makeup trailer, and then very soon afterward I got a call from [executive producer] Ron Moore. He said lovely things. "This is the final season, and we're bringing a lot of storylines to their close," and this was part of a bigger plan they had for where the storyline was going. They said they'd enjoyed my work and it had nothing to do with that.What was your reaction when you actually got the script and it said something along the lines of "Dualla puts gun to temple and pulls trigger"?McClure: I was floored. I think I was just as floored reading it as I'm sure people [were] seeing it. It's such a personal and violent and shocking way to go, not only for her, but for the implications for the people around her. Suicide is a difficult topic at the best of times. People see it as being an ultimate act of selfishness on one end, but certainly from the research that I did and the people that I spoke to, there are so many different reasons that people get to that point. But I think for Dee it was just the ultimate act of surrender and the final act of control over her own life. She really wanted to find some kind of peace.Floored, bitches. Floored.She makes a game attempt to explain this ridiculopathy, but I know the truth, Kandyse. you needn't sugar-coat it for me. The other bitches on the show conspired to get rid of you because you were too damned fine. Battlestars were not created to carry around all that ass. This is why God invented the '72 Caprice, shorty.The writers seemed to do nothing but fumble Dee's character ever since Billy got cacked. And now, they've finally managed to get rid of the fifth wheel. Do not fret, delicious: I will continue to imagine you in Uhura's combat microskirt on the bridge of the Enterprise in my mind.Hollywoodreporter.com brings us our next installment of Space Bitch info, reminding us that Keanu Reaves is still determined to hump anime's greatest accomplishment right in its huge eye.Cowboy Bebop, made popular on Adult Swim here in the States, is getting a movie makeover. Thus proving yet again, that Hollywood is wholly uninterested in these things we once knew as "new fuckin' ideas."ImageTwentieth Century Fox is bringing the Japanese anime TV series "Cowboy Bebop" to the big screen, with Keanu Reeves attached to star as a bounty hunter traveling through space in 2071.

One of the big titles in anime, "Bebop" is set in a time where "astral gates" make interstellar travel possible. Humanity, decimated by a lunar explosion resulting from a gate accident, spread out across the solar system, as did crime, which gave rise to the use of bounty hunters.

Reeves would play Spike Spiegel, a bounty hunter and former member of a crime syndicate. Spiegel, along with Jet Black, a fellow bounty hunter and former cop, are the two pilots of the spaceship Bebop.

Peter Craig is writing the script.

The show, which first aired on Tokyo TV and satcaster Wowow during the late 1990s, was strongly influenced by American music, even featuring action sequences -- both space battles and mano a mano -- timed to U.S. melodies.

Reeves' association with the project leaked in the summer when Fox and 3 Arts Entertainment began the process of acquiring the rights from Sunrise Studios.

Erwin Stoff, Reeves' longtime manager, is producing through 3 Arts. Joshua Long will serve as executive producer.

Sunrise president Kenji Uchida, the TV series' director of animation, Shinichiro Watanabe, and series writer Keiko Nobumoto will serve as associate producers. Series producer Masahiko Minami will serve as production consultant.

"Bebop" marks a return to Fox for the CAA-repped Reeves, who starred in the studio's December release "The Day the Earth Stood Still."
I dunno. I wasn't really moved by Keanu's attempt to portray a guy who found Sandra Bullock sexy, so I'm not enthusiastic about him portraying Spike. The guy is about as stiff and lifeless as 12 dead guys fucking 11 dead guys.But even more challenging than coaxing Keanu to genuinely emote is the casting of pre-teen computer savant, Radical Edward. Everyone's first instinct is to toss the role at Dakota Fanning. But unless the role involves Chris Evans and /or rape, I doubt she'd be interested. This role would be so hard to cast that I wouldn't be surprised if they simply dropped it from the movie entirely. I'm heartened by the fact that Watanabe and Nobumoto are present, and that Reaves is such a fan of the things he's likely going to skull fuck. But unless they get Yoko Kanno and the Seatbelts onboard to do the music, this will be a no-deal for me.ImageI haven't had a whole lot of patience in recent years for Star Trek or Star Wars despite loving both, but on Friday, Cartoon Network aired a special episode of Star Wars: The Clone Wars. The reason it was special was because it was written by George Lucas's 20 year old daughter Katie. She gives an interview about the experience at scifiwire.com:Are you on the writing staff of The Clone Wars, or was your episode a one-off?Lucas: I worked on Clone Wars as a freelance writer for about two and a half years before they asked me to be a part of the writing staff full-time. I feel so blessed to be a part of such an amazingly talented group of people. Give us a preview of "Jedi Crash," which leads directly into the next episode, "Defenders of Peace." How would you set up the story?Lucas: "Jedi Crash" is probably my favorite of the episodes I've written for this show so far. It's a very poignant episode about the pursuit of peace during wartime. It's something we've never really seen before in the Star Wars universe, so it was very interesting territory to explore. The full interview can be found here http://scifiwire.com/2009/01/exclusive-george-lucas-little-girl-talks-with-us-about-the-family-business.phpalong with part 2 http://scifiwire.com/2009/01/katie-lucas-part-two-growing-up-with-star-wars-and-that-first-kiss.phpNow, despite my natural inclination to ejactulate creamy hatred upon anything prequel-related, I've been enjoying this show for the most part. Sure, they keep tossing that goddamned Jar-Jar in here and there, but it's infrequent that it does not activate my kill-switch.But this episode was the best Star Wars I've seen come from a Lucas since Empire. Still have to wait for the second part of the episode to air next week, but the girl put her thang down. I'm not sure if her pops should be proud, or if he should be ashamed that she turned out to be a much better writer. Let's be charitable, and say, "both."If Lucas feels the need to...y'know...like...retire and stuff, let Katie handle the franchise.Plus, the episode featured my favorite Space Bitch since Seven of muthafuckin' Nine jiggled where no man had gone before: Aayla Secura.ImageAnd her character happened to be voiced by my favorite voice actress for portraying sexy Space bitches, Jennifer Hale, of KotOR fame. That's Bastila for those of you whose rich and rewarding and girl-filled lives leave you ill-equipped to pay attention to the important shit.Like video game strange.Strictly Speaking 
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