With so many different departments, is it any wonder Marvel and Disney can’t keep a secret?
Source: ThanosCopter Newswire
After reports surfaced earlier this month that Disney, industry leader in world domination, might be in the process of purchasing Hasbro, toy maker of G.I. Joe, Transformers, and My Little Pony, grown-ass adult fans have been wondering how long it would take The Mouse to take their favorite toy and cartoon franchise aimed at preprubescent girls, turn it around, bend it over, and destroy it.
We at The Outhouse, widely regarded as the only site on the internet, are sad to report that the wait is over. Just last night, in Marvel’s late night news dump (a real thing), it was revealed that Tumblr super-villain, Dennis Hopeless (email address here), will be teaming up with fan favorite superstar artist Tony Harris to produce My Little Avengers Arena: Its Magic (MLA:IM). MLA:IM is set in continuity and will provide Hopeless with new and improved ways to rape the fantasies not only of all who follow not only teen-age super heroes, but also bronies.
Spinning out of the shocking conclusion of Avenger Arena #3.1, MLA:IM teams Arcade up with Marvel’s newest super-villain, Farmer Jones, as they create even more dastardly ways for these characters to kill each other. From what little was leaked, we are able to piece together that, at first, each Jr. Avenger will be teamed up with a pony who possess an ability that the Avenger is missing. For example, X23 will be teamed with Rainbow Dash in order to fly above her enemies before launching herself, claws out, down into the hide of which ever pony is unlucky enough to be teamed with whomever she is hunting. Reptil, who can fly on his own, rides Rarity not only for her magical skills but also to trick Striker into getting close in order to discuss fashion and butterflies, so that Reptil can rip off his head.
As the numbers of both heroes and ponies dwindle, Arcade and Famer Jones divide up the corpses for personal use; Arcade will use his to create androids based on the fallen heroes to infiltrate the inner circles of their grown-up counterparts, whereas Farmer Jones will use his portion to start a line of designer glue marketed towards rich white girls who like that sort of thing.
Eventually, like in Survivor, the teams must turn on each other in order for there to be only one ultimate survivor who will go back to their normal life with absolutely no emotional scarring at all, unlike the readers, who will be devastated forever.
Look for My Little Avengers Arena: Its Magic #1 in Marvel’s March solicitations, and keep an eye on any of your friends who post on Tumblr, as you might need to dial the suicide hotline.
Written or Contributed by GHERU
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