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Bazooka Shocker: Longest-Running Comic Still Published in America is Canceled

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LOLtron

Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:33 pm

Bazooka Shocker: Longest-Running Comic Still Published in America is Canceled

The makers of Bazooka Joe bubble gum have decided to discontinue the comic strip that has come with the rock-hard gum since 1953.



Source: MTV Geek

Since 1953, every rock-hard, tooth-shattering brick of Bazooka bubble gum has come wrapped with a comic strip featuring gum mascot Bazooka Joe and his gang of young friends engaging in rip-roaringly dull and hilariously unfunny adventures.  With last year's DCnU reboot and this years Marvel NOW!, Bazooka Joe has become the defacto longest running currently published comic in America. Unfortunately, that legacy now comes to an end, as greedy gum moguls at Topps, Inc. scramble to reposition their product as hip and cool by featuring video game codes inside the label, as if this were 1985 and no one had ever heard of the internet.

"We looked into changing the shape of the gum and selling them to police riot control units for use in crowd suppression, but it turns out the gum is more dangerous than rubber bullets," said a Topps, Inc. executive, speaking anonymously. "We tried to explain that it's actually more dangerous than real bullets if you try to chew it, but they weren't interested, so we decided to scrap the comic and get kids to pick up Bazooka gum for the latest video game codes. It's cheaper than subscribing to Nintendo Power."

We informed the exec that Nintendo Power is no longer published and that everyone just goes to the internet to get their video game cheats, but he rudely placed his fingers in his ears and hummed loudly over us, saying "nah nah I can't hear you."

Like Hostess snack cakes, which enjoyed a brief surge in popularity for a week when Hostess shut down its bakeries, causing people to pay up to $40 for a box of Twinkies on eBay, the Bazooka Joe comics will likely spur a nostalgie-fueled speculator's run on a product that no one in their right mind gave a shit about a week ago, so if you want to get in on that action, head on down to your local... where the hell do they sell this stuff nowadays, anyway?



Written or Contributed by Jude Terror


READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!
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MrBlack

WTF is this rank?

Postby MrBlack » Mon Dec 03, 2012 4:46 pm

I'm shocked. Shocked!

...to learn that Bazooka Joe is still around. Seriously, people actually still buy that stuff?
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sdsichero

2k11 Outhouse People's Champion

Postby sdsichero » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:04 pm

They blew it.
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nietoperz

The Goddamn Bat-min

Postby nietoperz » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:06 pm

I dunno, I think it's very sad. As a kid, stuff like Hostess products and Bazooka Joe strips were impossibly glamourous little nuggets of Americana, and I think the world is a little poorer for their passing.
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S.F. Jude Terror

OMCTO

Postby S.F. Jude Terror » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:21 pm

Bazooka Joe was the most frustrating shit ever. You bought your 5 cent piece of gum and unwrapped it to find it had a sweet comic, only to find it was the most useless, pointless, and boring comic strip ever created. Never funny. Never interesting. For some reason, it seems I hate Bazooka Joe. :lol:
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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:24 pm

S.F. Jude Terror wrote:Bazooka Joe was the most frustrating shit ever. You bought your 5 cent piece of gum and unwrapped it to find it had a sweet comic, only to find it was the most useless, pointless, and boring comic strip ever created. Never funny. Never interesting. For some reason, it seems I hate Bazooka Joe. :lol:


Still sore over the character "Metal Dude" from the '90s Bazooka Joe Gang relaunch, eh?

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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:25 pm

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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:28 pm

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Mort.
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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:29 pm

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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:29 pm

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GLX

Outhouse Editor

Postby GLX » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:31 pm

Black Jumbo wrote:Image


The dude on the far right looks like he's nude.
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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:36 pm

GLX wrote:
The dude on the far right looks like he's nude.


Caltech has a database of all Bazooka Joe comics:

http://www.ugcs.caltech.edu/~jimmyk/bazooka_html/
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mrorangesoda

FROGMAN

Postby mrorangesoda » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:42 pm

Hope you guys learned from that Hostess business- time to start stockpiling before they go for $300 a case.
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Tintin Quarantino

Rain Partier

Postby Tintin Quarantino » Mon Dec 03, 2012 6:45 pm

mrorangesoda wrote:Hope you guys learned from that Hostess business- time to start stockpiling before they go for $300 a case.


No defense again the cosmic cube now

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GHERU

Rain Partier

Postby GHERU » Mon Dec 03, 2012 7:01 pm

Dan Didio fired Bazooka Joe to make room for more Bubbalicious comics!

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