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End of World Delayed, May Require Fill-In Artist

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:32 pm

End of World Delayed, May Require Fill-In Artist

The Mayan Apocalypse, scheduled for release tomorrow, has been pushed back to sometime in 2013.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Fans and lunatics have been anxiously awaiting the Mayan Apocalypse, a mysterious event that was scheduled to occur tomorrow, December 21, 2012, ending life as we know it on the planet Earth. To the disappointment of assholes everywhere, it looks like they will have to wait a little longer; the apocalypse has been pushed back to fall 2013 due to issues with the creative team meating their deadlines. In what was probably, in retrospect, a poor choice, the apocalypse was to be produced by the creative team of notoriously late writer Mark Millar and habitually lazy artist John Cassaday.

"We worked really hard to get this project done, but sometimes life gets in the way," said Millar. "On the bright side, though, I've already sold the movie rights."

Cassaday also commented on the unfortunate delays. "I know a lot of people were looking forward to this, but it's just unreasonable to expect me to be able to draw more than two comics a year. I mean, I'm already working hard to get Uncanny Avengers #3 finished by July 2013."

"It's not like I'm just goofing off, playing X-Box or something," Cassaday told us over X-Box Live chat during a game of Call of Doody. "My art is very complicated and it takes time to complete. I don't know who started the rumor that artists are late because they're playing video games, but it's totally not true." 

Cassaday then fragged us three times in a row, upping his X-Box Gamer Score to 657,000 points.

No one is quite sure what exactly the Mayan Apocalypse was going to entail, as the creative team and publisher have not released many details. All that is known is that in the year 357 A.D., Mayan prophet and rumor-mongerer Riktochtiklan Jonztinika, of the ancient website Bleeding Temple of Cool and Human Sacrifice, predicted the cataclysm when he arbitrarily decided to stop publishing calendars for any date after December 21.

"Fuck it," said Jonztinika, according to ancient legends inscribed in tiny pictograms on coffee beans, which is how we assume they wrote shit down back then. "Nobody is gonna care about these two thousand years from now anyway."

The delay strikes a huge blow to Jonztinika's descendent, Bleeding Cool's Rich Johnston, who was really looking forward to publshing an article congratulating his ancestor on breaking the rumor before anyone else.

The Outhouse reached out to Camazotz, the bat-themed Mayan god of death, for comment on the delay. "I didn't have enough prep-time," Camazotz told us.

The Outhouse will keep readers updated as soon as a new date is announced, provided the world isn't rebooted before then.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror

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Not a Kardashian

Postby Herald » Thu Dec 20, 2012 1:49 pm

Don't worry, everyone! Their replacements, J. Michael Straczynski and Joe Quesada, will make sure the apocalypse is on schedule for 2050 or so! :-D
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Outhouse Editor

Postby GLX » Thu Dec 20, 2012 5:21 pm

Herald wrote:Don't worry, everyone! Their replacements, J. Michael Straczynski and Joe Quesada, will make sure the apocalypse is on schedule for 2050 or so! :-D

[Reveal] Spoiler: Click to Expand
JMS will begin the apocalypse, but it'll be stalled midway through because he'll have "better things to do".

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