*Membership spots not really limited!
Dark Horse's Hyrule Historia, a history of the video game franchise Legend of Zelda, hit the top of Amazon's bestseller charts after series villain Ganon was mistaken for NJ Governor Chris Christie.
Source: Dark Horse Blog
Dark Horse Comics was quite pleased with itself today when it announced that their new book, Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, topped the Amazon bestseller list for a second time, having hit number one already on the day it was first announced. The book, released in comic shops and book retailers nationwide today, benefited from a New York City pre-launch event that saw fans waiting in line for up to 24 hours for a copy of the book. Dark Horse has printed 250,000 copies of the book, which contains the history and making of story of Nintendo's Legend of Zelda video game franchise, which has been popular with video gamers since the release of the original game in the series, The Legend of Zelda, for the Nintendo Entertainment System in 1986.
However, the success of the book may be due not to "popular demand for Zelda canon," as Dark Horse claims in their press release, but rather to buyers mistaking the game's villain, Ganon, for popular New Jersey governor and Republican presidential hopeful Chris Christie. It's an easy mistake, considering the villain's pig-like features and political philosophy, which matches almost word-for-word with the beliefs of today's Republican party. Still, the confusion led to disappointment for some readers.
"I thought I was purchasing a book about my hero, Governor Christie," said one angry fan outside a local Barnes and Noble. "But it turns out, rather than tales of Governor Christie's heroic defeat of the New Jersey teachers union, this is about a stupid video game. To me, this Ganon sounds like a real flip-flopper, losing to an effeminate elf all the time, and I'm not sure he has what it takes to stand up to the Democrats in Washington. He's nothing like Governor Christie, who is obviously lulling liberals into a false sense of security by licking President Obama's proverbial nutsack in the wake of Hurricane Sandy."
Not all of Christies fans were disappointed though. One customer who purchased the book told us that, while the book was not what she expected, she found the courageous struggle of Ganon to exercise the constitutional right of all law-abiding Hyrulians to possess a Triforce of Power inspiring and extremely relevant to Americans today. "I would vote for Ganon," she told us. "I mean, he's some kind of sorcerer, right? That means he's not a Muslim, at least. Right?'
"Wait, are Muslims sorcerers?" she asked after giving it more thought. "They probably are, aren't they. I would never vote for a Muslim sorceror like Ganon."
Governor Christie could not be reached for comment, as the politician had wedged himself in the doorway of a local Red Robin after eating too many baskets of their delicious bottomless french fries, and was awaiting delivery of several large tubs of butter to assist in his escape. However, an aide we spoke to on the phone did nervously insist that, despite rumors, Governor Christie does not suffer from vulnerability to either light arrows or the Master Sword, and that anyone who didn't believe it was welcome to come after him and get blasted with spells from the governor's powerful magic trident.
Hearing about the mistake, Democratic New York Governor Andrew Cuomo held a press conference where he decried his Republican neighbor's conservative beliefs and resemblance to a fictional villain. Cuomo then leapt onto his Goblin Glider and flew off into the night, tossing pumpkin bombs at the crowd as he passed and vowing to destroy Spider-Man.
The Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia is available at comic shops and book retailers today, and can be ordered online from Amazon at this link.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!