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Rockstar Games Rearranges Seasons, Schedules Spring GTA V Launch for September 17

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Rain Partier

Postby LOLtron » Thu Jan 31, 2013 3:23 pm

Rockstar Games Rearranges Seasons, Schedules Spring GTA V Launch for September 17

The long-awaited Grand Theft Auto 5 will hit Xbox 360 and PS3 on September 17, 2013.

Source: Ars Technica

For centuries, human beings have considered the time roughly between February and May to be the season of "Spring," so many were shocked today when Rockstar Games, who had long been touting a Spring 2013 release for their highly anticipated Grant Theft Auto V video game, announced a launch date of September 17. The move has sent the scientific and meteorological communities into a frantic tailspin as scholars and business struggle to rearrange calendars to fit into the new season paradigm.

"If Spring is now in September, does Fall now take place in March?" asked Lightning Storm, a weatherman for a local news station in Pennsylvania. "Do we move all of the seasons back by seven months? Are Spring and fall trading places? Do we just have two Springs each year, and get rid of Fall entirely? I wish Rockstar had given us more time to prepare for such a drastic change."

Indeed, the turmoil is cascading into many industries that rely on seasons. The National Hockey League, for instance, typically announces the start of its season for mid-winter, and then doesn't actually start playing games until Spring due to contract disputes. With Spring being pushed back until after Summer, all of the ice in hockey rinks is likely to have melted by the time the league is ready to begin, which could cause confusion and disappointment amongst the league's dozens of fans. Companies that produce skeevy nude pin-up calendars for auto-mechanic garages are also struggling, not sure whether Miss October should be photographed wearing nothing but a baseball cap or nothing but a scarf.

Not everyone is complaining, however. "The whole year should just be Spring." said comic book artist John Cassaday. "It makes it much easier to predict when I'll finally get around to drawing my monthly comic books. Uncanny Avengers #4 will be completed and in stores by Spring. I promise."

Cassaday declined to comment on whether he meant Spring 2013 or 2014, but his suggestion that Spring simply take place all year long may be right on the money, as promotional artwork from Rockstar for the game (pictured below), depicts a woman in a bikini, which is normally only worn publicly during the Summer, except by fifteen year olds in trailer parks in Ohio, who wear them year-round with cutoff jean shorts.

Grand Theft Auto V hits stores in the Spring on September 17, but look for more details about the game to come out in a few months, during Winter.

Written or Contributed by Jude Terror


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