The enraged writer attacked nerds on the internet via Twitter on Wednesday night.
Tony Harris, who is obviously a very outspoken and controversial person, as evidenced by a Twitter handle that is in all caps and includes an abbreviation of the word fucking, went on an angry tirade against people he referred to as "nerds," calling them "fuckos" and letting them know that he doesn't think it's cool. Not when he was in high school, and not now. For reals.
The outburst comes only months after Harris offended feminists and white knights throughout the same online geek community when he made a blog post featuring statements such as "Hey! Quasi-Pretty-NOT-Hot-Girl, you are more pathetic than the REAL Nerds, who YOU secretly think are REALLY PATHETIC." It is indicative of an ongoing pattern of bullying that targets all geeks with internet access, gives us digital wedgies, and steals our virtual lunch money.
The Outhouse, thankfully, has a lot of experience in dealing with bullies, as we proved when we single handedly destroyed the conservative Facebook group One Million Moms with an onslaught of snarky articles about gay people in comics. If there's one thing our lifelong obsession with pop culture has taught us, it's that bullies will only be defeated when the tormented hero stands up to them and punches them in the face. If the bully is attempting, at the time, to rape the hero's future wife, then it is also customary for the bully to become the hero's lifelong manservant and refer to him as Mr. McFly despite them being the same age.
And so, we say to the internet: you don't have to take this abuse from Tony Harris. I mean, it was like fifteen years ago that he did Starman, for Christ's sake. All we have to do if we want Tony Harris to stop picking on us, is stand up to him. Just because we, as nerds, don't have the same social skills, romantic capabilities, and physical fitness that "normal" people do doesn't mean we don't deserve the same rights to liberty and happiness as everybody else.
So no, Tony Harris! We're not scared of you, and we're not going to let you push us around anymore.
Now hurry up and finish washing our car. We want to make sure that we get two coats of wax this time, not just one. And don't try to con us. We know you're not putting on the second coat now.
Tony Harris. What a character. Always trying to get away with something.
Written or Contributed by Jude Terror
READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!