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ComicsAlliance senior writer takes 2,000 words to explain why Cyclops isn't Spider-Man.
When ComicsAlliance isn't reporting on two day old news or highlighting the latest batch of Adventure Time merchandising (did you see those Lady Rainicorn knee-high socks!), the AOL subsidiary also occasionally runs features about comic book characters. Much like AOL, the features are usually dated and obsolete and only exist to justify the site's continued use of "Comics" in their title.
Today, the site posted an article by Chris Sims detailing why Cyclops is terrible. Cyclops has become one of the more controversial characters in comics, ever since a cabal of Wolverine fellating writers decided to turn the character into a militaristic revolutionary that doesn't show remorse for killing his longtime father figure.
The move polarized comic book fans into three categories. The first is a silent majority of fans who feel that Marvel's tried to fuck the character over and are rooting for Brian Bendis to guide the character out of the mess he's in now. The second are new fans of the character who think that his recent struggles are "character development" and believe that the character is one of the most interesting in comics today. The third are fans who have bigger mancrushes on Wolverine than Ultimate Colossus and think that Cyclops is no more than an obstacle for Wolverine to slash his way through.
However, Sims, who we believe hasn't read an X-Men comics since 1996, has a different opinion. Sims thinks Cyclops is terrible because he's not Spider-Man. It's a revelatory statement, and one that takes 2,000 words to explain. He also complains how Cyclops always acts like a leader...because he's the leader of the X-Men. Fantastic journalism there, Sims.
There's plenty of things other things wrong with Sims' essay. For instance, he believes that if he calls Cyclops terrible enough times, it'll become a running joke. No, a running joke is saying that Rich Johnston crossdresses as a secretary at Marvel and DC in order to get his scoops. That's 1) a joke and 2) something that's used repeatedly in many of our articles.
Another is how he doesn't really end his article. It just ends in mid-point. Which is a terrible way to end an article.
Written or Contributed by ThanosCopter
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