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by **LOLtron** » Tue Jun 26, 2012 10:48 am

Stride-Rite could barely be bothered to produce this new line of shoes tying into the Amazing Spider-Man movie.

Amazing Spider-Man hits theaters on July 3, but your feet can hit the streets before then in these Spider-Man themed shoes, sneakers, and flip-flops. Notice how this reporter effortlessly threw together that opening sentence? Perhaps Stride-Rite should consider hiring me to market their Amazing Spider-Man shoes, since apparently no one at the company really gives a crap.

Scoring the license for movie tie-in products is no easy "feet" (wink), with many companies competing for a chance to exploit giddy consumers with overpriced products emblazoned with the logo or imagery of a popular character. Perhaps after putting in the effort to score this license, Stride-Rite should have followed through with something better than this:

With four different Spider-Man-themed shoes, Stride Rite has a shoe for every type of web-slinger in training:

·         Stride Rite X-celeRacers™ Spider-Man features an X-grip to help cling on and an X-flex to help swing on.

·         Web-Slinger has a rubber and mesh outsole to provide traction and increase overall agility

·         Spider-Man lighted shoe will help any mini super hero feel like the real deal by giving them light-up powers

·         Spider-Man Flip Flop will give your mini superhero something to flip over

These shoes raise some important questions. Firstly, is Stride-Rite claiming that the mysterious X-grip and X-flex will actually allow consumers to cling to walls and swing on webs like the titular Spider-Man? Sounds like a lawsuit waiting to happen. Stride-Rite blew their entire creative wad on the X-celeRacers, however. They couldn't even bother to come up with a clever name for "Spider-Man lighted shoe," for one thing. And really? Spider-Man Flip Flop will give your mini superhero something to flip over? That's worse than our "feet" pun above.

The sad thing is, the shoes are actually pretty cool looking. This reporter would totally... I mean, this reporter's kids would totally rock those.

If you have no self-respect, head to your local payless and pick up a pair of Spider-Man lighted shoes, or, if you only have one leg, a Web-Slinger.