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[LOLtron]

The Marvel series claims its first victim!  Find out who inside!

Warning: this article contains snark, sarcasm and spoilers.

The Phoenix has claimed its first Earth victim in Avengers vs. X-Men #4.  While the character might not have been the most well-known Marvel property, its death is almost sure to shock and offend.  Check it out below.


That's right: the first victim of Avengers vs. X-Men is a polar bear, killed by Wolverine in retaliation for getting kicked out of a plane by Captain America.  Polar bears are always the first to go, whether its by global warming or in-fighting caused by the imminent arrival of a cosmic entity who may or may not destroy the planet.

No word on how the polar bear ended up on the opposite hemisphere (polar bears are found in the Arctic Circle, not the Antarctic Circle), but who cares, amirite?  As long as we get awesome stuff like Wolverine gutting an innocent, endangered animal, who cares about "facts" or "research"?

[Editor's Note: The Outhouse, like most respectable news sites, refuses to recognize the existance of aliens, even fictional ones.  So kindly STFU, Chap :P ]

Written or Contributed by: ThanosCopter

READ THIS ARTICLE ON THE FRONT PAGE, HUMANS!

[GHERU]

where is the Anarctic Circle?

[Muppetesque]

where is the Anarctic Circle?

pwnd

[chap22]

your article is crap. Phoenix has already killed multiple worlds full of teeming populations in this event, yet you ignore that to worry about a polar bear. sounds to me like you're either a racist xenophobe or a furry.


my money's actually on both.

[Grayson]

That's it. He has gone too far this time! Wolverine must be stopped...no matter the cost.

[john lewis hawk]

Are you fuckin' kidding with me, Marvel!?! There are kids out there that can barely wipe their own asses without their parent help that know there's no goddamn polar bears in the Antarctica!!

[BlueStreak]

Corrected typos in the OP and added an editor's note to acknowledge Chap's point.

[GHERU]

Corrected typos in the OP and added an editor's note to acknowledge Chap's point.

does Jude not have to submit his articles to an editor like the rest of us?
/Bender'd

[BlueStreak]

does Jude not have to submit his articles to an editor like the rest of us?
/Bender'd

We've never editors approve news articles due to the time-sensitivity of it all. Most news sites (legit and otherwise) do that sort of thing.

Features, which aren't necessarily on a time-crunch, can be reviewed more thoroughly prior to posting.

[ElijahSnowFan]

does Jude not have to submit his articles to an editor like the rest of us?
/Bender'd

LMAO LMAO LMAO

[S.F. Jude Terror]

I didn't write this, btw. I am not ThanosCopter (though I wish I was).

[GHERU]

I didn't write this, btw. I am not ThanosCopter (though I wish I was).

sorry, I should have realized





























Copters have weight limits

[S.F. Jude Terror]

sorry, I should have realized





























Copters have weight limits

[chap22]

Corrected typos in the OP and added an editor's note to acknowledge Chap's point.

Editor's Note: The Outhouse, like most respectable news sites, refuses to recognize the existance of aliens, even fictional ones. So kindly STFU, Chap

are you calling the History Channel disreputable????? for shame, Blue...

[Chesscub]

I think the fact there's polar bears in the Antarctic proves this is a reboot.