Sunday, July 5, 2015 • Midnight Edition • "Guest-starring Wolverine's cold, dead corpse!"
Teach Me How To...Dooley? Swiperboy strikes back with new rap song.

Teach Me How To...Dooley? Swiperboy strikes back with new rap song.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 16, 2011

Tennessee forward Renaldo Woolridge a.k.a Swiperboy a.k.a. SB apparently had discovered the same thing Ozzy Osbourne did about retirement - retirement sucks. After announcing he was giving up rapping to focus on his senior season with the Vols, he's turned around and changed his mind. . This time, its somewhat of a sequel to last year's "FootVOL," focusing on that hot new dance on Rocky Top, The Dooley. Okay, it's another "Teach Me How To Dougie" rip-off. This craze of "Dougie" rip-offs is coming down with a severe case of "This Joke Isn't Funny Anymore." Especially after "Teach Me How To Jimmer." I won't even mention the mother of all sports "Dougie" parodies, "Teach Me How to Badger," which still gives me nightmares. Woolridge's un-retirement does raise some questions with his senior season of basketball. But on the other hand, it reignites the possibility of a Swiperboy/TJ Ferdette concert tour. Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Teach Me How Yo...Dooley? Swiperboy strikes back with new rap song.

Teach Me How Yo...Dooley? Swiperboy strikes back with new rap song.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 16, 2011

Tennessee forward Renaldo Woolridge a.k.a Swiperboy a.k.a. SB apparently had discovered the same thing Ozzy Osbourne did about retirement - retirement sucks. After announcing he was giving up rapping to focus on his senior season with the Vols, he's turned around and changed his mind. . This time, its somewhat of a sequel to last year's "FootVOL," focusing on that hot new dance on Rocky Top, The Dooley. Okay, it's another "Teach Me How To Dougie" rip-off. This craze of "Dougie" rip-offs is coming down with a severe case of "This Joke Isn't Funny Anymore." Especially after "Teach Me How To Jimmer." I won't even mention the mother of all sports "Dougie" parodies, "Teach Me How to Badger," which still gives me nightmares. Woolridge's un-retirement does raise some questions with his senior season of basketball. But on the other hand, it reignites the possibility of a Swiperboy/TJ Ferdette concert tour. Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Unquiet on the Western Front: Lane Kiffin, Air Force, Logwone Mitz, and more.

Unquiet on the Western Front: Lane Kiffin, Air Force, Logwone Mitz, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 16, 2011

(Unquiet on the Western Front is SWRT's look at the Pac-12, WAC, Mountain West, and other West Coast/Rocky Mountain schools extravaganza.)     Not quite done yet.  USC head football coach Lane Kiffin says the Trojan offense is still struggling in the preseason. (The Orange County Register) Air Force goes into Expansion silliness stealth mode. Air Force is trying to not comment on rumors that the service academy is a possible target by the Big 12 to replace Texas A&M. (Mountain West Connection) A giant among (admittedly short) men.  A huddle of Washington State running backs is described as being "a bit like a jockey convention. With one big horse in the middle." The "horse" being 6'1 Logwone Mitz. (The Spokesman-Review) Go West, young man? Wide receiver Josh Gordon is looking at transferring to Utah after leaving Baylor. (KWTX) Next Position Please. A number of Oregon State players are switching positions. (Building the Dam) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Someone drags the Civil War into the whole Expansion Silliness mess where it doesn't belong.

Someone drags the Civil War into the whole Expansion Silliness mess where it doesn't belong.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 15, 2011

Maybe it was inevitable that with Expansion Silliness running amok once again due to Aggiegeddon, someone would exploit the cultural divide that splits North and South way more than it should 150 years after the War Between the States. But dangit, the ones doing the exploiting kind of caught me off-guard. Off Tackle Empire features an article titled "Conference Realignment: I don't want any slaver schools in the B1G." (The "B1G" being a mocking term for the Big Ten and its ridiculous new logo.) This in regards to the possibility of former Big 12 schools joining that other "Big" conference with a history of having problems with math. "The south remains fundamentally and culturally different than the north. Why, one hundred and forty six years after we put down the insurrection at great cost in lives and treasure, when the south still maintains a legacy of hatred towards us and covert segregation, should we reward any institution from these former bastions of evil with inclusion into the greatest amalgamation of intelligence and athletic prowess in the land? Why should we share our vast resources and wealth with those who most assuredly despise us?" Hey! What's with dragging the Civil War into the already murky conference expansion landscape, Yankee? That's the South's job, dangit! It's the part of the country that's supposed to be still fighting the bloodiest conflict in American history a century-and-a-half after it ended. Not some Big Ten blogger. (via is Off Tackle Empire) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Aggiegeddon, Dont'a Hightower, Trey Burton, Gene Chizik, and...Whack-a-Bianchi?

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Aggiegeddon, Dont'a Hightower, Trey Burton, Gene Chizik, and...Whack-a-Bianchi?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 15, 2011

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)   Aggiegeddon shows that the NCAA has lost its way. Because Jeff Schultz said so. Shut up, Jeff. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) It's just a flesh wound.  Dont'a Hightower doesn't expect a surgically repaired left hand to keep him from playing in Alabama's first game of the 2011 season on Sept. 3. (al.com) Next Posistion Please.  Pat Dooley wonders what position (or positions) Florida plans to use versatile Trey Burton at in 2011. (The Gainesville Sun) Bulldogs and scooters don't mix.  Georgia linebacker Ray Drew's right shoulder was injured in an accident while driving a scooter on Sunday. Sadly, this the first scooter accident for a Bulldog. (CBS Sports) Iron sharpens Iron. The presence of much-talked about transfer quarterback Zach Mettenberger has made LSU senior QB Jordan Jefferson work harder during pre-season practices. (The Times-Picayune) Making an impression.  Tennessee freshman Curt Maggitt linebacker is impressing members of the Vols' coaching staff, including the not easy to impress defensive line coach Lance Thompson. (Knoxville News Sentinel) Gene Chizik receives the Amos Alonzo Stagg Award from the U.S. Sports Academy.  Admit it, you expect me to make a snarky remark about the Cam Newton-mess here. But I'm not. (Mobile Press-Register) Winner of South Carolina-Georgia game on Sept. 10 will win the SEC East. Because Matt Hinton said so. (Dr. Saturday) Attack of the Two-Headed Monsters? A number of SEC teams could be playing with a two-quarterback system in 2011. Including BCS championship favorite Alabama. (ESPN) I've seen the future and it will be. A look at what a 13-team SEC schedule might look like. Pray the conference finds 14th potential member found before this happens. (Team Speed Kills) Ever wanted to whack Mike Bianchi? Now's your chance with the "Whack-a-Bianchi" game. (Orlando Sentinel) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Big Tentacles: Brady Hoke, Pat Fitzgerald, James Vandenberg, and more.

Big Tentacles: Brady Hoke, Pat Fitzgerald, James Vandenberg, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 15, 2011

(Big Tentacles is the SWRT look at the Big Ten and the schools it not-so-secretly covets.)    Rebuilding? Whose rebuilding?  Michigan head fooball coach Brady Hoke takes umbrage to talk that the Wolverines are "rebuilding." (The Post-Tribune (Northwest Indiana) Kicking it old school.  Northwestern opens up Camp Kenosa, which is described by head football coach Pat Fitzgerald as being "football, 24-7,” "old school" and with players lacking their "creature comforts." (The Chicago Tribune) Pound for pound. New York Post writer Lenn Robbins vows to carry one of the 7 lb. "PersaStrong" dumbells Northwestern sent out to reporters promoting quarterback Dan Persa as a Heisman Trophy candidate. I'm not holding my breath on this one. (New York Post) A Few Small Repairs.  Iowa QB James Vandenberg admits that Iowa needs to make a lot of improvement after a lackluster practice on Saturday. (Quad City Times) Oh, behave! Indiana head football coach David Wilson needs to learn how to act better when talking to radio personalities. Because Bob Kravitz said so. Shut up, Bob. (The Indianapolis Star) The sharpest tool in the shed? Illinois freshman QB Reilly O'Toole is impressing Fighting Illini offensive coordinator Paul Petrino. (The Chicago Tribune) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Dancing in the Ruins: Expansion silliness, Garrett Gilbert, Mike Gundy, and more.

Dancing in the Ruins: Expansion silliness, Garrett Gilbert, Mike Gundy, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 15, 2011

(Dancing in the Ruins is SWRT's look at the Big XII Conference. Or at least what's left of it.)  I am not dead yet. Any Staples of SI.com explains why the SEC Presidents not voting on Texas A&M's invitation to the conference is more of a legal formality than an actual snub. (SI.com) A little turned off.  The SEC's bad reputation with a "cutthroat football recruiting culture" and lackluster academics is what keeps Oklahoma from wanting to defect with Texas A&M on its own free will. Because Barry Trammel said so. (The Oklahoman) What's Eating Garrett Gilbert? Texas quarterback Garrett Gilbert struggled during a Saturday scrimmage, putting his chances of continuing as the Longhorns' starting quarterback in question. (Burnt Orange Nation) Pleased as punch. Oklahoma State head football coach Mike Gundy says he was "pleased" with the Cowboys' Saturday night scrimmage. (Tulsa World) A New World Record. Oklahoma St. is well on it's way in breaking the school record for season ticket sales. (Tulsa World) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Derek Dooley, Florida, and Nick Saban.

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Derek Dooley, Florida, and Nick Saban.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 14, 2011

Blame ESPN on Texas A&M not being voted into the SEC on Sunday. Because Clay Travis said so. Shut up, Clay. (Outkick the Coverage) Could You Be the One? Saturday Down South asks if Derek Dooley is the best long-term solution as Tennessee head football coach. (Saturday Down South) Florida is "a train wreck." Because Gary Danielson said so. (al.com) I've Got a Secret.  Alabama head football coach Nick Saban decided not to release a good chunk of the statistics kept on Crimson Tide players, including quarterback. (al.com) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

School Presidents splash cold water on Texas A&M's SEC aspirations.

School Presidents splash cold water on Texas A&M's SEC aspirations.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 14, 2011

You can all relax now. Aggiegeddon may have been averted - at least for the moment. The Illuminati SEC school presidents held an emergency meeting where they decided that a twelve-member conference was fine and dandy with them all for the moment, and didn't hand an invite out to Texas A&M. An official statement from Dr. Bernie Machen, the Chairman of the SEC's Presidents and Chancellors said the following: “The SEC Presidents and Chancellors met today and reaffirmed our satisfaction with the present 12 institutional alignment.  We recognize, however, that future conditions may make it advantageous to expand the number of institutions in the league. We discussed criteria and process associated with expansion.  No action was taken with respect to any institution including Texas A&M.” Translation: Bloggers and sports media ready to go all Lord of the Flies and dance around the train wreck produced from Aggiegeddon will just have to find some other way to get their jollies. Why the snub? It may come down to A)The SEC Presidents wanting to cover their butts legally before Texas A&M applies for membership. Or B) The need to find a 14th school to add to the conference to even things out. Either way, it doesn't look like this is all over just yet. (via ESPN, SEC Digital Network ) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Is the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game just a "Dog & Pony Show?"

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Is the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game just a "Dog & Pony Show?"

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 14, 2011

Boise State fans finally have something to show their allegiance to the Broncos at the Chick-fil-A Kickoff Game against Georgia besides those stupid hats with that Freudian nightmare inducing Spongebob wannabe Blue Turf character. Of course a shirt calling the game "Not Your Average Dog & Pony Show" might not make Truett Cathy too happy. Then again, there's nothing there that he could probably sue over either. (via SB Nation Atlanta) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Expansion silliness: Are SEC Presidents meeting Sunday about Aggiegeddon or not?

Expansion silliness: Are SEC Presidents meeting Sunday about Aggiegeddon or not?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 14, 2011

Are they or aren't they? With the idea of Texas A&M as a member of the SEC  comes conflicting reports on whether or not the presidents of the SEC member schools will be meeting on Sunday to discuss the matter. "There is now conflicting reports as to whether or not an actual meeting will take place on Sunday by the SEC Presidents to discuss an invitation for Texas A&M to join the conference. Previously the New York Times ran a story reporting that there would be a meeting on Sunday citing a source "with first-hand knowledge". Now the Sporting News has released a conflicting report that also cites an "high-ranking official from the SEC" saying that there is no meeting on Sunday." It is obvious what has happened. The idea of Aggiegeddon  being on the precipice of becoming a Freudian nightmare clothed in the hideous flesh of reality has transformed the  SEC into a dark and twisted version of Schrodinger's football conference. Either the presidents of the SEC are meeting on Sunday, or they're not. It's this breakdown of the laws of nature that hold the fabric of the universe together that gives the reason why Texas A&M should never be allowed into the SEC. The next thing you know...well, you know, the usual. "Mass hysteria. Dogs and cats living together." Blah, blah, blah.  (Or is that Dawgs and Gators? I think that may be the 4.5th sign of the Apocalypse.) (via SB Nation Atlanta) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew, Expansion Silliness, Isaiah Crowell, Tyler Bray, and more.

Covering Dixie Like Mildew, Expansion Silliness, Isaiah Crowell, Tyler Bray, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 13, 2011

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)   Sigh, I guess I'll be having to be adding pictures like this to the mix of famous SEC regional landmarks pretty soon. Texas A&M must join the SEC, "To save face."Because Richard Justice said so. (The Houston Chronicle) Clemson and FSU will not join the SEC. Because Clay Travis said so. Shut up, Clay. (Outkick the Coverage) Day By Day. Highly touted Georgia freshman tailback Isaiah Crowell is listed as day-to-day following a groin injury. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) Crawling From the Wreckage. Georgia quarterback Aaron Murray has a big job on his hands in trying to lead the Bulldogs back to the top tier of SEC teams. (Dr. Saturday) We've got a long way to go, and a short time to get there.  Though Tennessee QB Tyler Bray may be growing as a vocal leader on the Volunteer squad, head football coach Derek Dooley says his on-the-field play calling and performance still needs improvement. (Chattanooga Times-Free Press) Knile Davis injury. Arkansas running back Knile Davis will be out for the 2011 season due to an injury to his left ankle. (CBS Sports) That Don't Impress Me Much. Mississippi State head football coach Dan Mullen wasn't "disappointed with his team's performance in practice on Friday. (The Clarion-Ledger) Making an impression. Auburn head football coach Gene Chizik says the performance of the younger members on his team gave him a good impression of them. (The Gasden Times) Ready for his close-up. ESPN Films cameras were in the studios of the Paul Finebaum radio program on Friday filming part of its Roll Tide/War Eagle documentary on the Alabama/Auburn rivalry. (al.com) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Big Tentacles: Ohio State, Russell Wilson, and Illinois vs. Northwestern for the throne of Chicago.

Big Tentacles: Ohio State, Russell Wilson, and Illinois vs. Northwestern for the throne of Chicago.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 12, 2011

(Big Tentacles is the SWRT look at the Big Ten and the schools it not-so-secretly covets.)      Give It Away. Ohio State will give back the $338,881 share of the Big Ten's payout it received for playing in the Sugar Bowl win that the school vacated. (Dr. Saturday) Laying it on the line.  Quarterback Russell Wilson credits the Badgers' offensive line as being one the reason he decided to transfer to Wisconsin from North Carolina State. (Wisconsin State Journal) Game of Thrones. New Illinois athletic director Mike Thomas isn't going to let the Fighting Illini sit back while Northwestern is proclaiming itself "Chicago's Big Ten Team." He wants Illinios to be "king of Chicago." (Daily Herald) I Will Not Go Quietly. Northwestern blog Sippin' on Purple says "Oh yeah?" to Mike Thomas' claims to the throne of the Windy City. (Sippin' On Purple) Confidence Man. Northwestern head football coach Pat Fitzgerald likes the level of confidence on his team. (The Chicago Tribune) The Contest. Northwestern QB Dan Persa is among Wildcat players in a "mustache competition." (PurpleWildcats/Scout.com) And who is responsible for this Northwestern "mustache competition?" Uh, Persa is, apparently. (The Chicago Tribune) "Joe Paterno is old" item of the day? "Joe Paterno is old" item of the day. (CBS Sports) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Expansion Silliness: Aggiegeddon moved up to August 15th?

Expansion Silliness: Aggiegeddon moved up to August 15th?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 12, 2011

If you're bracing for the possibility of Aggiegeddon - the potential move of Texas A&M to the SEC- on August 22, then you might have to speed up the stocking of your fallout shelter mancave. The Texas A&M Board of Regents are rescheduling a meeting to have been held on that date to next Monday the 15th of August. "On the agenda, listed as the final topic before the meeting adjourns: "Authorization for the President to Take All Actions Relating to Texas A&M University's Athletic Conference Alignment, The Texas A&M University System." The Texas state House of Representatives' The Higher Education Committee is scheduled to be holding hearings on the subject of The Aggies' possible defection from the Big XII to the SEC (Like there aren't literally dozens of more important issues involving Higher Education in Texas than Aggie football to be holding hearings on).The moving up of the Texas A&M Board of Regents could be seen as trying to make a run around those in the Legislature who might be dead set against TAMU and Texas being in two separate conferences. (via ESPN) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Expansion Silliness: Virginia Tech WILL NOT join the SEC. Because Virginia Tech says so.

Expansion Silliness: Virginia Tech WILL NOT join the SEC. Because Virginia Tech says so.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on August 12, 2011

This just in: Virginia Tech is shooting a preemptive strike over the bow of any internet rumors of it joining Texas A&M as a member of the SEC. Because the Hokies' athletic director, Jim Weaver says so. And he told it to David Teel of the Newport News, Va. Daily Press. “We always wanted to be in the ACC,” Weaver told me as he and his family lunched at a McDonald’s en route to his son’s weekend baseball tournament in North Carolina. “Now we’re there. Why would we want to go somewhere else when we finally have what we want?” I suggested to Weaver that with the SEC again making eyes for Texas A&M, many would consider millions in additional television revenue a perfect reason to become the SEC’s 14th. “I don’t think that’s what it’s all about,” he said. “It’s about the right fit.” Fans/cynics can scoff all they want. They can believe Weaver’s being coy or naïve. But I assure you that sentiment is genuine and applies to the administration in Burruss Hall, including president Charles Steger. Relationships, especially those on the academic side, with conference colleagues are paramount." There is really no need for Virginia Tech to leave the ACC. With exceptions for a resurgent FSU, the Hokies are the big dog in the conference right now. Why endanger that by joining the SEC, where it would have to face Florida, Georgia, and Tennessee every year? Plus, it's SEC West rival would most certainly be Texas A&M, and only the two schools respective Corps of Cadets could really get into that kind of fabricated rivalry.  (via The Daily Press) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!