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Big Tentacles: Mark Dantonio, Taylor Martinez, and Jesse James (really)

Big Tentacles: Mark Dantonio, Taylor Martinez, and Jesse James (really)

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 29, 2011

Taking it personal. The Jim Tressel scandal hits close to home to Michigan State head football coach Mark Dantoinio, who was Tressel's former defensive coordinator. (Detroit Free Press) Please adjust your schedules accordingly. Wisconsin's home opener against UNLV may be moved to Thursday night, Sept. 1. Yes, ESPN is involved with this. (Las Vegas Sun) Indiana Wants Me. A Big Ten Welcome to Nebraska from an Indiana blogger. (Off Tackle Empire) The elephant in the room. The upcoming inner-divisional Big Ten rivalry between Nebraska and Penn State naturally brings up the legendary 1994 meeting between the two schools. (Corn Nation) Comfort zone. Nebraska quarterback Taylor Martinez says he feels “a lot more comfortable” with with talking to the media than he was as a freshman. (Big Red Today) Massaro out. Penn State defensive end Massaro will miss the 2011 season due to a torn ACL. (Linebacker U) The James Gang. Penn State has a 2012 commitment from a recruit named Jesse James. Insert obvious joke about Joe Paterno meeting the real Jesse James back in the Old West here. (Black Shoe Diaries) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Steve Spurrier, Cuonzo Martin, Mike Anderson, and haiku about John Brantley.

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Steve Spurrier, Cuonzo Martin, Mike Anderson, and haiku about John Brantley.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 28, 2011

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC  news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)   Least shocking news out of South Carolina spring practice. South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier is already criticizing the play of his quarterbacks. (The Post and Courier) The Usual Suspects. A list of the "Top 10 Games involving SEC teams in 2011" features the usual top SEC rivalry matchups, plus a few high-profile games against non-conference opponents. (Bubba 'n Earl Sittin' on the 50) Vanderbilt spring scrimmage highlights. And stop chuckling. (ChuckOliver.net) Just visiting. Former Ohio State wide receiver Duron Carter is reportedly expected to pay an unofficial visit to Alabama this coming weekend. He's the son of former Vikings great Chris Carter. (al.com) Let it Flow. A flow chart to help Auburn find a quarterback to replace Cam Newton. (The Belly of the Beast) Poetry Corner. A haiku about Florida quarterback John Brantley? A haiku about Florida quarterback John Brantley. (EDSBS) BASKETBALL The Butler...well, you know. Dissecting Florida's NCAA Tournament loss to Butler.Which may end up being the only time this year the Gator's lose to a school with the nickname "Bulldogs" (Miami Herald) Call the Shots. Mike Bianchi criticizes Florida's shot selection in the loss to Butler. Shut up, Mike. (Orlando Sentinel) The new guy. Reaction to the Tennessee's hiring of Cuonzo Martin to replace the embattled Bruce Pearl as head men's basketball coach. (Rocky Top Talk) The other new guy. Evaluating the hire of Arkansas' new head basketball coach, Mike Anderson. (Arkansas Expats) History lesson. How Nolan Richardson's coaching philosophy at Arkansas became known as "40 Minutes of Hell." (Swish Appeal) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

What if The NCAA Final Four were - The FRIGHTFUL FOUR?

What if The NCAA Final Four were - The FRIGHTFUL FOUR?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 28, 2011

Longtime readers of Shirts With Random Triangles might recall last year that  I compared the 2010 NCAA Final Four to the stars of The World's Greatest Comic Magazine, The Fantastic Four. Lots of things have changed in a year. Johnny Storm, The Human Torch, was killed off, the FF's book was canceled. And the remaining FF members have reformed into something called the Future Foundation. (Though I suspect Johnny and the FF will be back in time for what would be the 600th issue of Fantastic Four.) Add to that the fact that it would be pretty hard to truly consider this year's Final Four to The Fantastic Four. It's not that some of the school's aren't fantastic in their own way. It's just that some of this year's Final Four basketball teams are just too freaking evil to compare to  Reed Richards and crew. So with that in mind, what better group to compare this year's Final Four to than the Fantastic Four's evil opposites - The Frightful Four! First appearing as together as a unit in Fantastic Four #36, the Frightful Four have come together over and over again to plague the world's greatest adventurers in one form or another. Just to keep things simple, I'm going to use the groups original line-up of The Wizard, The Trapster, The Sandman, and Madame Medusa to compare against Kentucky, VCU, UConn, and Butler. Kentucky as - The Wizard! The scheming brains behind the Frightful Four, The Wizard (aka The Wingless Wizard) is the obvious group member to compare to Kentucky and its head coach John Calipari. Both the Wizard and Calipari are ruthless, ethicless, and just downright unlikable. Also they usually come up short in their desperate schemes, leaving nothing but ruins and shattered dreams in their wake. Be warned, Wildcat fans. That Final Four you have so desired may turn out to be like another classic Marvel villain - The Vanisher. UConn as - The Sandman! Another quite easy choice. The Sandman is the Frightful Four member that is the most dangerous, but which everyone somehow seems to underestimate when push comes to shove. This is in so may ways similar to UConn and its head basketball coach Jim Calhoun. Many people underestimated the Huskies this year, and paid for it with busted brackets. VCU as - The Trapster! No one really expects The Trapster to give them much trouble. But time and again, he surprises them with his guile and his more-dangerous-that-it-looks paste gun. Don't laugh, that thing releases an adhesive that even The Thing has trouble breaking out of.  Like The Trapster, nobody expected VCU to give them much trouble in the NCAA Tournament. With each game, however, the Rams plastered even favored teams like Purdue and Kansas. Butler as - Madame Medusa! Medusa isn't really evil. In fact, she only got involved with the Frightful Four because she had lost her memory and forgotten her life as a member of the Inhuman Royal Family.  She eventually learned her true identity, however, and left the life of crime to take her rightful place beside her true love, Black Bolt. She even switched sides and joined the Fantastic Four once! That said, Butler is the obvious choice to pair up with Medusa because she's not really evil. And like Butler, enemies don't expect her and her stretchable, malleable, mane of hair to be a serious threat. Both she and Butler usually prove them wrong. Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Tavarres King, Vince Dooley and Gene Chizik as Willy Loman

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Tavarres King, Vince Dooley and Gene Chizik as Willy Loman

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 27, 2011

 (Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC  news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)  Under Pressure. Gerogia receiver Tavarres King says he's feeling the pressure of replacing A.J. Green. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) Numbers game. Georgia center Ben Jones will be changing the number on his jersey from 61 to 60, to honor his late father. The number 60 was previously unavailable to Jones because offensive lineman Clint Boling had been wearing it. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) Garden Party. Vince Dooley has decided to share his obsession with gardening with the rest of the world in his new book, Vince Dooley's Garden: a Horticultural Journey of a Football Coach. (Knoxville News Sentinel) Please adjust your calendars? Mississippi State's season opening game against Memphis may be moved from Saturday, September 3, to Thursday, September 1. (ChuckOliver.net) Moore suspended. Alabama suspends defensive end Brandon Moore for unspecified violation of  "team rules and policy." (Montgomery Advertiser) Tennessee wallpaper. For when you absolutely,  positively, need a Tennessee background on your computer. Sadly, a wallpaper featuring Tyler Bray's infamous back tattoo is not available. (Go Vols Xtra) Gene Chizik = Willy Loman? Auburn's head football coach is described as "the guy who made that one big sale, got puffed up, then rested on his laurels for an eternity" by an Alabama Blog annoyed at his constantly reminding people he won the BCS Championship. (Capstone Report) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Rex Ryan wants his son to go to Alabama. Nick Saban must be thrilled.

Rex Ryan wants his son to go to Alabama. Nick Saban must be thrilled.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 27, 2011

It should come as no one's surprise that outspoken New York Jets head football coach Rex Ryan has a son that plays football. Young Seth Ryan, according to his father, has "Kill" and "Mad skills. At least that's what Rex Says. And it looks like he's eyeing Alabama as the school where he wants to send his son to. "I want him to learn football," Ryan said. "He wants to be a coach and all that. Alabama's not going to be excited about him. He's not a great player, but he's a good one. But he's going to be a great coach one day. I want him to be around the best, and that's why I want to bring him here." Well that's just what Nick Saban needs. His own personal Craig and Adam James combo. You can imagine how that coach/player/player's dad relationship is going to turn out. Especially in dealing with an ego like Rex Ryan's. Hopefully for Saban, if Seth Ryan does go to Alabama, Big Daddy Rex will still be coaching the Jets and be too busy making watching films to be too much of a helicopter dad. That and that young Seth is a better player and less of a brat than Adam James was. Otherwise, the Alabama maintenance staff may want to make sure that their electrical sheds  are all locked. (via al.com) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Steve Spurrier's  "arrest" video.

Steve Spurrier's "arrest" video.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 26, 2011

South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier fakes his own arrest. Obviously for crimes against humanity. The fun begins about 1:26. This has to be a subtle message to Stephen Garcia to get his act together. (via GamecockAnthemTube on YouTube) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Steve Spurrier laid down the law to Stephen Garcia, and made him get a haircut too.

Steve Spurrier laid down the law to Stephen Garcia, and made him get a haircut too.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 25, 2011

Garcia before Coach Spurrier made him chop his hair off. South Carolina starting quarterback Stephen Garcia spoke to the media for the first time since his week-long suspension. Garcia spent a week out of practice as punishment over an alleged night of debauchery night in Atlanta before the team's appearance in the Chick-fil-A Bowl. He promised the media that such a thing wouldn't happen again. "Just got to be smarter, that's the bottom line," he said. "You know the last time I got in trouble was three or four years ago..it was a bad decision on my part down in Atlanta. Nothing bad is going to happen again. That's a guarantee," Garcia said following practice." Garcia said that he had spoken to South Carolina head football coach Steve Spurrier about the incident, and asked what he could do to make amends. Needless to say, The Old Ball Coach took very good advantage of the situation. "Garcia said Spurrier gave him a list of “10 or 12 suggestions” on improving himself during his final season with a USC team expected to once again contend for an SEC title. Garcia would only divulge one: cutting his long hair." Obviously, the world "suggestions" is a Spurrier code word for "Do make me do to you what I used to do to Georgia back in the day, boy." As you can tell from the video below, Garcia went to the barber and got his mangy locks chopped off. Spurrier was apparently  merciful and didn't tell him to shave, though. There is no word about what the other twelve "suggerstions" were, but they probably involve avoiding drinking and co-eds in varying states of undress. (via Anderson Independent Mail, WLTX) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Jim Tressel shared e-mail information about Pryor, but not with Ohio St. or NCCA.

Jim Tressel shared e-mail information about Pryor, but not with Ohio St. or NCCA.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 25, 2011

News of Ohio State head football coach Jim Tressel's involvement with "Tatgate" keeps getting worse and worse. The Columbus Dispatch is reporting that Tressel  shared information regarding e-mails he had received about Buckeye quarterback Terrelle Pryor's involvement with a tattoo-parlor owner/alleged drug trafficker to Ted Sarniak, a businessman described as Pryor's "mentor." Who Tressel didn't share the information with , of course, were officials of either Ohio State or the NCAA. This is why Tressel is suspended for the first five games of the 2011 season. (via The Columbus Dispatch) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Florida plays Quidditch. (aka Harry Potter Wears Jean Shorts).

Florida plays Quidditch. (aka Harry Potter Wears Jean Shorts).

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 24, 2011

Great, here's another sport that Florida can beat Georgia in. What's whose: It's a made up sport from the Harry Potter books. Quidditch, the imaginary game played on broomsticks, has gained popularity with college students wanting to stall their journey to adulthood as much as possible. (While at the same time, consuming as much adult beverages as they can.) Sadly these muggles can't fly. But that hasn't stopped college students from embarrassing themselves, their parents, and various university officials before. Video: College Experiment: Quidditch Cup If you think this is bad? Wait until The Gators face the Bulldogs in the World's Largest Outdoor Butterbeer Party. Then things get really out of hand. (via EDSBS) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Your Freudian Nightmare of the Night: A kid dressed up as Jim Tressel

Your Freudian Nightmare of the Night: A kid dressed up as Jim Tressel

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 24, 2011

Here's a photo from a recent Jim Tressel autograph signing. Funny, I never knew Ralphie was an Ohio State fan. What kind of deranged parents would allow their child to dress up like this? Okay, besides Kurt Herbstreit? (via No Guts No Glory) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Big Tentacles: Nebraska, Michigan, Lou Holtz and...Bruce Pearl?

Big Tentacles: Nebraska, Michigan, Lou Holtz and...Bruce Pearl?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 24, 2011

(Big Tentacles is the SWRT look at the Big Ten and the schools it not-so-secretly covets.)   Youth Movement. Nebraska looks to have an offensive line with limited or no starting experience in 2011. (Big Red Today) Welcome to the Jungle. An Iowa blogger welcomes Nebraska to the Big Ten. Sadly for Nebraska, it's one of the Black Heart Gold Pants crew. (Off Tackle Empire) Doctor Doctor. Notre Dame plans to give Lou Holtz a genuine honorary doctorate. Now if we can only find a school that will make John Cena an actual  honorary Doctorate of Thuganomics. (Dr. Saturday) New Low. Six Air Force pilots who took part in a flyover of last year's Ohio State-Iowa game are getting reprimanded for flying too low to the ground. (Dr. Saturday) Maize Heart White Pants? Rumors are going around than Michigan may be planning to wear white pants sometime during the 2011 season. (Maize n Brew) BASKETBALL Highly Evolved? Ohio State's Jon Dieber has gone from a disappointment to one a candidate for the title of "best offensive player in basketball." (Eleven Warriors) Eye of the Tiger on Painter? Missouri may be looking at Purdue's Matt Painter to replace the recently departed Mike Anderson. (Rock M Nation) Bold prediction of the day: "Bruce Pearl could return to coach Iowa" in 2012. Personally I think the Mayan Apocalypse has a better chance of happening. (Business Insider) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Mississippi State invents trophy porn.

Mississippi State invents trophy porn.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 24, 2011

What happens when an in-state rivalry trophy meets a bowl game trophy? Two minutes of pure YouTube cheese, that's what. Warning: You might want to send the kids out of the room before you click on this one.   (via Friends of the Program) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Should Urban Meyer replace Jim Tressel at Ohio State? In a word, no.

Should Urban Meyer replace Jim Tressel at Ohio State? In a word, no.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 24, 2011

Should Urban Meyer replace Jim Tressel at Ohio State? That's what Mike Bianchi is reported to have said on 740-AM in Orlando. What do I have to say about the idea?To quote Nick Swisher in my favorite ESPN commercial of last year: "No way, dude." If the idea for Ohio State were to "clean up" its program after Tressel and his handling of "Tatgate," then Meyer might not be the best candidate for the job. Sure, Meyer led Florida to two BCS championships. But put aside the crystal footballs and Tim Tebow, and you might see a few troubling issues for Ohio St. Namely, the arrests of at least 24 Florida players under Meyer's tenure as head football coach in Gainesville. That list just might be long enough to cover up that plaque with Tebow's "Promise Speech" Meyer had erected on the side of the Florida athletic facility. It might be a popular play for Ohio St. to pick Meyer to replace Tressel, but with the Buckeye's issues being off the field, replacing a winner with a winner may not be the only thing the program needs. It What it would really need is a coach who isn't willing to look the other way when trouble is afoot. Besides, with the possibility of big-time NCAA sanctions hanging over the program, it may not be a too attractive place for Meyer in the first place. (via The Fan Hub) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: SEC schedule, Tyler Bray, Bruce Pearl, and more.

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: SEC schedule, Tyler Bray, Bruce Pearl, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 23, 2011

The official SEC 2011 football schedule is out. As if you already didn't know when most of these are going to be played already. (SECSports.com) Monkey Business. EDSBS looks at the early season SEC football schedule with a little help from Flash Rogue Gallery member Gorilla Grodd. (EDSBS) If a player has a Pro Day without any scouts present, is it still a Pro Day? The NFL Lockout meant that A.J. Green worked out on Georgia's Pro Day without the presence of actual NFL scouts. (Athens Banner-Herald) Getting back to normal in Knoxville. Mike Strange believes with Bruce Pearl gone, football can once again regain its rightful place as the biggest sport  in the Vols Nation. (Go Vols Xtra) Growing Pains. Tennessee head football coach Derek Dooley expect starting quarterback Tyler Bray to mature in his sophomore year and become a leader on the team. Mature meaning "no more throat-slashing gestures." (Knoxville News Sentinel) Same as it ever was. Auburn offensive coordinator  Gus Malzahn will once again be starting spring practice with having to replace a starting quarterback. With Cam Newton the quarterback being replaced, that could become a truly daunting task. (al.com) A little bit better than I used to be. Alabama head football coach Nick Saban expects the Tide's now more experienced  defense to be better in 2011. (ESPN) BASKETBALL And the nominees are: Reviewing potential candidates to replace Bruce Pearl as Tennessee head men's basketball coach. (Rocky Top Talk) Gone Daddy Gone. South Carolina basketball players Stephen Spinella and Ramon Galloway are now ex-Gamecocks. (Gamecocks Online) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

UGA's Aaron Murray hits somebody in the face with a football on Spring Break.

UGA's Aaron Murray hits somebody in the face with a football on Spring Break.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 23, 2011

Ah, Spring Break in Key West. And what happens in Key West, goes on YouTube. Obviously for Georgia starting quarterback Aaron Murray, this might not be a good thing. Neither for his target in the video. I'm sure Mark Richt and Mike Bobo are going to be really happy about this one. (via David Ching on Twitter) Originally Pubished at: Shirts With Random Triangles

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