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What Passes for Life: T.O., Chad (Johnson), LeBron, and the X-Men

What Passes for Life: T.O., Chad (Johnson), LeBron, and the X-Men

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 28, 2010

Jay Mariotti calls Terrell Owens and Chad (JOHNSON) on the Bengals a "Match Made in Hell." Shut up, Jay. (Fanhouse)   The story about LeBron James ESPN didn't want you to read. Too bad Deadspin found it. (Deadspin) Jude Terror likes X-Men Forever, so you should too. The man who keeps the Internet (or at least The Outhouse) from falling apart explains his love for X-Men Forever, Chris Claremont's revisiting of the team of mutants he made famous where he left off in 1991. Jude's right about it being good. In fact, it might be the one of best comic books out right now. (The Outhouse)

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins: Marlins pitch fit about Brian Wilson's orange footwear

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins: Marlins pitch fit about Brian Wilson's orange footwear

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 28, 2010

The Florida Marlins have gotten their boxers in a bunch about San Francisco Giants' relief pitcher Brian Wilson and his pair of orange shoes. Florida manager Edwin Rodriguez considered the orange cleats too much of a distraction on the mound for his hitters and complained to the umpires about them. "A little bit too bright, too flashy," he said. Seriously, the Marlins are in next to last place at the moment in the National League East, they play in a horrible stadium with a broken scoreboard that owner Jeffery Loria is too much of a cheapskate to fix. There was that hideous Scott Staph Stapp song. And despite two World Series in the past fifteen years, the Marlins are the laughing stock of baseball. And the Fish are worried about a relief pitcher's shoes? Sheesh! Where the heck is Jay-Z where you need him? Oh, here he is. The Marlins are supposed to be distracted by orange shoes? They're in Florida, dangit! You mean to say there isn't a single pair of orange sneakers in Florida? With orange being the color used by not only the Gators, but the Miami Hurricanes as well? And oh yeah, don't forget the Dolphins, either. Bothered by orange sneakers? Oh. Child. Please. If the Marlins are  bothered by a pair of shoes, maybe they need to go and grow a pair of something else. Marlins? Ha! They're more like the Chicken of the Sea. (via Big League Stew)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew:Jeremiah Masoli, a double helping of Vols' schadenfreude, Mark Richt

Covering Dixie Like Mildew:Jeremiah Masoli, a double helping of Vols' schadenfreude, Mark Richt

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 28, 2010

Jeremiah Masoli is still not an Old Miss Rebel. But something should be resolved involving the disgraced former Oregon quarterback by the weekend. (The Clarion-Ledger) Present-day Tennessee schadenfreude. Bryce Brown finally tells Derek Dooley that he won't be playing football with the Vols this fall...via text message. Classy, just classy. (Rocky Top Talk) Historic Tennessee schadenfreude: The final chapter. It's the end of the line for Tennessee's train of pain as "20 Losses in 20 Years" ends with the Number one Vols' defeat of the past two decades: The 2001 SEC Championship and a crushing loss to LSU. (Rocky Top Talk) Lazy journalism? A blogger calls the frequent "Mark Richt on the Hot Seat at Georgia" talk "lazy journalism." (Lucid Idiocy) Can Virginia Tech win the BCS Championship in 2010? Yes, they can. (Gobbler Country) On the other hand...No, they can't. (Gobbler Country) Same Stadium, different name. The Georgia-Florida game will be played at EverBank Field this season. That's the new name of Jacksonville Municipal Stadium. (Big Cat Company) Things worse than Vanderbilt football. It's bad when you have to go to North Korea to find something worse than the Commodore's football program. But if you are, then the  The Ryugyong Hotel is the place to go. (Anchor of Gold)

Phil Finebaum compares Robbie Caldwell to Larry the Cable Guy

Phil Finebaum compares Robbie Caldwell to Larry the Cable Guy

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 28, 2010

New Vanderbilt head football coach Robbie Caldwell stole the show at SEC Media Days last week. His down-home manner and casual reminiscences  of working on a turkey farm came as a relief from an event that could have seriously gotten bogged down in Agentgate. Everybody in the media seemed to enjoy the refreshing Southerness of the new Commodores' coach. Everybody that is except  Paul Finebaum. Finebaum, the South's greatest contributor of carbon dioxide and other greenhouse gasses, used his July 27 column to rake Caldwell and Vanderbilt over the coals for not being an SEC powerhouse. Going as far to suggest that Vandy should be kicked out of the SEC. A few of the little gems from Finebaum's column: "One can understand the media lapping it up. If you had to listen to three days of sleep-inducing, mind-numbing, coach-speak from the likes of Urban Meyer, Mark Richt, Bob Petrino, Gene Chizik and Les Miles, you would probably find Caldwell's monologue about "turkey insemination" downright side-splitting, too. However, if I wanted to see Jerry Clower, I'd pop in an old DVD of "Hee-Haw" and sit back on the couch with a bottle of RC Cola and a Moon Pie. That's about what I got out of Caldwell's deep fried act last week. And besides, if you're the Vanderbilt head coach, shouldn't you at least try to give off the appearance you could have been admitted to the school as a student?" Using this philosophy, Mark Richt should hang out  at the 40 Watt Club, and Urban Meyer should run around wearing jean shorts. Besides, the odds of there being zero rednecks enrolled at Vanderbilt is about the same as there being zero alcoholics enrolled at Georgia. "Considering this is the best football conference in America, and considering Vanderbilt administrators were able to get their grubby paws on a $20 million payout recently in the league revenue sharing plan, the time has come for everyone else to say enough. Even Kentucky, a basketball school, makes an honest effort in football. Why can't Vandy?" Vanderbilt actually expects its athletes to go to class, maybe?  (Okay, that is more of a shot at Calipari than Joker Phillips.) "Oh, you say, Vanderbilt went to a bowl game in 2008 for the first time in 26 years. What good did it do them? They didn't even win a conference game the next year and now they have Larry the Cable guy coaching."  Well, Jeff Foxworthy was busy taping Are You Smarter Than  A Fifth Grader?   "At least Vandy officials could have been smart about this season. Instead of giving the job to Caldwell, they could have had tryouts like "American Idol" and let a different contestant coach each week. After the season, the person who did the best job would get the job for the 2011 season. Nothing draws a crowd these days like a good, cheesy, low-rent reality show." A reality show-style competition to pick the head coach? Interesting idea you've got there Phil...Waitaminute! That was my idea to find a new defensive coordinator for Georgia, dangit! I demand restitution! Finebaum goes on to suggest that Vanderbilt could have gotten "Mike Leach or a Phil Fulmer to coach this season." Give me a break. Leach is too busy suing Texas Tech right now. And as for Fulmer, well I'm just shocked someone in Alabama even suggested Fulmer be allowed to coach again, much less in the SEC. In the end, who really cares? Vanderbilt is more a basketball school than a football school, so just live with it, Paul. Every conference has at least one school like that. Heck, the Big East is pretty much filled with them! So what if the football's not great? Nobody's perfect. And who knows, maybe Robbie the Cable Guy Caldwell can actually get things moving in the right direction football-wise. (via al.com)

New Pac-10 logo is a little underwhelming.

New Pac-10 logo is a little underwhelming.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 27, 2010

This is the new logo for the Pac-10. Sadly it's a little underwhelming. The reasons: The font. The way the letters contour inside the shield are a little too jarring and too angular than they need to be. That is especially true for the "P," which looks a little uneven. Plus the "C" looks a little too much like a "G." Altogether, "PAC" doesn't quite mesh well with the mesh of the shield. The design. It's way too busy. The logo is supposed to depict  "a mountain and wave, which symbolize not only the Pac-10's geographic footprint but also its strength."The mountain is easy to see. But as for the ocean? It's hard to tell. It's hard to tell if that's wave or if it's the crescent of the moon or a billiard ball.  The coloring.  The shield isn't quite monochromatic, but it comes close.  Do black and blue really represent the Pacific? It might look better if printed in black-and-white, but those days seem to be slowly creeping into the past. A little extra color would have helped. When you think of the Pacific, ine the thinks you think of is the golden sunlight. Where is that in this design? In all, this new logo seems to be a little bit of a misstep. There's too much going on in the design. But in the end, it doesn't say much. (via Sports Illustrated)

Darrelle Revis likes to stroke his flamingo

Darrelle Revis likes to stroke his flamingo

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 27, 2010

Darrelle Revis likes to stroke his flamingo. He especially likes to stroke his flamingo while pimping shoes for Nike. This is for a Dick's Sporting Goods Commercial. I guess stroking your flamingo there is as good of a place as any. 

What Passes for Life: Lane Kiffin, New York Yankees, and yet more Joshua Jackson

What Passes for Life: Lane Kiffin, New York Yankees, and yet more Joshua Jackson

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 27, 2010

Lane Kiffin's days at USC are numbered. Because Jay Mariotti said so. (Fanhouse) "The best films of the '00s." Any list that picks The Two Towers over the other two parts of  The Lord of the Rings does at least have some credit. The list of 50 films is filled with way too many foreign and indie films, though. And outside of a couple of Pixar films, it lacks lighter-fare box office hits like Remember the Titans. Worse, none of the Bourne Trilogy movies are on the list. Haters. (The AV Club) Put up or shut up time for Anderson Silva?  Put up or shut up time for Anderson Silva. (Yahoo! Sports) Should the Yankees trade Joba Chamberlain? If the Yanks can scam some bottom-feeder team into a less than fair trade, then yes. (Big League Stew) Terence Moore complains about the NBA's problem with "integrity." Shut up, Terence. (Fanhouse) VH-1 has yet another Biggest Loser knockoff. As if Celebrity Fit Club wasn't enough, VH-1 has come up with Money Hungry, where ten teams overweight people put up 10,000 of their own money for a chance to win $100,000 by losing weight. Maybe there's still hope for my pitch for fat athletes fighting for a slot on the U.S. Olympic Team. I call it The Biggest Luger. (Warming Glow) Oh, now it makes sense! Remember yesterday's story about Joshua Jackson's "Pacey-Con"? Turns out it was part of a Funny or Die short film. (Entertainment Weekly)

Your Moment of Tebowness: Tebow Wears Jockey Shorts! No, really.

Your Moment of Tebowness: Tebow Wears Jockey Shorts! No, really.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 27, 2010

SEC fans are well aware of the Bulldog Nation's anti-Florida mantra "Gators wear jean shorts!" Well Florida fans might want to get prepared to hear it changed to "Gators wear Jockey shorts!" That's because Tim Tebow has been signed to endorse Jockey underwear. “I’m excited to represent the Jockey brand and to work with such an innovative company,” said Tebow. “I’ve long been a fan and consumer of Jockey, and think they make a quality product with a great fit. I’m looking forward to a great relationship with such a respectable company.” Tebow will work with several of Jockey’s lines, including the Jockey® “Staycool” collection, which launches in spring 2011. Tebow will be featured in Jockey’s catalog, TV and print advertisements and on jockey.com. Jockey and Tebow will also collaborate on unique content for social media platforms." Here's an image of His Tebowness wearing a Jockey t-shirt. No mention of  whether or not His Tebowness will go Jim Palmer and appear in these ads in just his Jockey shorts. Certainly quite a few female Gator fans would want to see that. (via Darren Rovell on Twitter)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Derek Dooley, Dawgs, Duke, and more.

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Derek Dooley, Dawgs, Duke, and more.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 27, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)    Derek Dooley Factoid of the Day: Derek Dooley has a law degree from the University of Georgia. Which is something that might interest the Tennessee Titans right now. Imagine His Hairness cross-examining Lane Kiffin in court. Dawgs' Dent disabled. Georgia linebacker Akeem Dent is out 4-6 weeks with an injured toe. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution) Recession? What Recession? Despite tough economic times the Iron Dukes fundraising organization's contributions to the Duke athletic program were up 20% this past fiscal year, while UNC's Rams Club fundraising group's contributions were up 5%. (Triangle Business Journal) Mr. College Football meets Mark Herzlich. Tony Barnhart spent time with the Boston College linebacker, who spent last season off the field fighting a rare and agressive form of cancer. Herzlich is cancer-free now, and is working on getting back on the gridiron this season. (Mr. College Football) Bonus Herzlich coverage. If Herzlich is able to return to college football and perform at the level he did in 2008, he could possibly be a Heisman candidate. (SB Nation) Does the Chick-Fil-A Bowl hate Boston College? The former Peach Bowl has never invited Boston College to play in the Georgia Dome. Does this represent some sort of  sentiment against the alma mater of Matt Ryan? BC Interruption thinks so. The cows holding the signs saying "Eat Mor Golden Eagle" might have been the tip off. (BC Interruption)

Lane Kiffin to face a clash with the Titans in court?

Lane Kiffin to face a clash with the Titans in court?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 26, 2010

Lane Kiffin may have outdone himself. Kiffin's hiring of Tennessee Titans' running back coach Kennedy Pola has gotten the NFL franchise steamed. Steamed enough to sue Kiffin for ""maliciously" interfering with Pola's contract." And the Titans are suing Pola to boot. Kiffin's new boss, Pat Haden can't be liking this. The week after sending Reggie Bush's Heisman back, he has to put of with this leftover of the past regime. A few more Kiffin-esque moves like this, and Harden might be asking himself "I left the Notre Dame announcer's booth for this?" That and deciding whether it's better for USC to make Kiffin a one-season coach. (via ProFootballTalk.com)

Floyd Mayweather Jr. has a $50,000 iPod?  Floyd Mayweather Jr. has a $50,000 iPod.

Floyd Mayweather Jr. has a $50,000 iPod? Floyd Mayweather Jr. has a $50,000 iPod.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 26, 2010

Floyd Mayweather Jr. is reported to have a $50,000 diamond-encrusted iPod. It's probably safe to say that this isn't one of the songs on it: Though it wouldn't be a shock if  there were on  it: "I Don't Wanna Fight"-Tina Turner "Duck and Run"-3 Doors Down "Runaway"-Bon Jovi "I'd Do Anything for Love (But I Won't Do That)"- Meat Loaf "Running Scared"-Roy Orbison "Coward of the County"- Kenny Rogers (via Yahoo! Sports)

What Passes for Life: Joe Theisman, Texas Longhorns, Joshua Jackson

What Passes for Life: Joe Theisman, Texas Longhorns, Joshua Jackson

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 26, 2010

Two (and possibly three) annoying things that would be more annoying together. USA Today thinks Joe Theisman is the best choice to replace Pat Haden in the broadcast booth for NBC's Notre Dame football broadcasts. (USA Today) Texas and Branded Retail Energy team up to create Texas Longhorn Energy. First there was H2Orange bottled water in the shape of Texas Tower, and not this. What next, Bevo Brand Taco Meat? (Sports Business Journal, Deadspin) Joshua Jackson tries to hi-jack Comic-Con. The Fringe star holds his own "Pacey-Con"for fans of his old Dawson's Creek days. He even reportedly handed out his own Dawson's Creek fanfic out. No word if he was with Dawson or Jack in the stories. (Warming Glow) Someone in the media picks Nevada to win the WAC over Boise State. Okay, who gave Steve Spurrier a vote in this? (Orlando Sentinel) Bowl Games are making selections already? Nah, it's just a bit of Black Heart Gold Pants madness. (Black Heart Gold Pants)

Great Moments in Bad Sports Art:

Great Moments in Bad Sports Art:

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 26, 2010

Anamorphic alligators playing with crystal balls.  This kind of speaks for itself. This so needs to be made into a SyFy Original Movie. (via EDSBS)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Nick Saban haters, and a double dose of schadenfreude

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Nick Saban haters, and a double dose of schadenfreude

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 26, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news, with the occasional pesky Southern school from another conference.)    Everybody Hates Nick. Roll 'Bama Roll lists the columnists that criticized Nick Saban for referring to agents as "pimps." These writers should be worried, since R'BR has an elephant riding a steamroller on its banner. Never a good sign. (Roll 'Bama Roll) Florida State and Miami "need to start pulling their weight in the ACC." Because Mike Bianchi said so. (Orlando Sentinel) Just when you thought the world was safe from conference expansion talk...ACC  commissioner John Swofford mentions that the conference has looked into expanding to 14 or 16 teams, and there's always the chance it could happen. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)  Orange is the color of Schadenfreude, Part I. Rocky Top Talk's countdown of "20 Losses In 20 Years" hits the number two spot, with the Vols' 1990 loss to Alabama. Gene Stallings was in his first year as 'Bama coach, and Tennessee was ranked #3 in the nation. The Vols were expected to win this one. Guess what happened? (Rocky Top Talk) Orange is the color of Schadenfreude, Part II. The Clemson version "The Worst of the 2000's," hits #3 and the 2004 loss to Duke. And yes, that's the Duke football team they're talking about. (Shakin' the Southland")

Andy Roddick now officially the Atlanta Braves of tennis

Andy Roddick now officially the Atlanta Braves of tennis

By Juan Cena in SWRT on July 25, 2010

Andy Roddick lost to Mardy Fish Saturday night in the semifinals of the Atlanta Tennis Championships. Which is somehow fitting, and makes this photo of him throwing out the ceremonial first pitch Thursday Night at Turner Field even more appapropriate. (Fish went on to win the tournament, beating John Isner) He should be made to wear this out on the court permanently. (Yahoo! Sports, Busted Racquet)

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