Monday, June 29, 2015 • Evening Edition • "Where keepin' it real goes wrong."
Security breach at the White House. Or: When Duke and Kyle Singler met Obama

Security breach at the White House. Or: When Duke and Kyle Singler met Obama

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 28, 2010

Security at the White House seriously needs an overhaul. That's because there is no way that Kyle Singler should ever be allowed to get this close to President Obama. Where's the Secret Service when you really need them?(via Citizen-Times.com)

Your Moment of Tebowness: Woody Paige mailbag edition

Your Moment of Tebowness: Woody Paige mailbag edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 28, 2010

(Your Moment of Tebowness is SWRT's recurring feature on the cultural phenomenon that is His Tebowness. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?)Woody Paige is one of a long line in the media who have developed a mancrush on Tim Tebow. So someone naturally asked Paige in his weekly mailbag column when he and His Tebowness were getting married."Woody Paige: Tom, thank you for asking. Tim and I are thinking about a June wedding. Seriously, though, his religion probably does not permit same-sex marriages, and my own belief system does not allow me to marry a gerbil or anyone from Chicago." Well Tebow's not from Chicago, but for some reason I can't imagine Tebow scurrying around in a Habitrail for some reason.(via Denver Post)

SEC expansion silliness with the usual suspects

SEC expansion silliness with the usual suspects

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 28, 2010

The ACC and SEC Blog has come up with a list of the "5 Teams Deserving Consideration in Expansion." And sadly, it's a list of the usual suspects you would probably expect in theoretical SEC expansion talk. In reverse order the schools are Georgia Tech, Miami, FSU, Texas A&M, and Texas.Why Texas A&M? Because the Aggies who hold high places in Texas (like the Governor) would never allow Texas to leave the Big 12 without Texas A&M being thrown into the deal.The school that's not on the list that should be is Clemson. Clemson just feels more like an SEC school than any of the schools on the list. Reviving the once-annual UGA-Clemson rivalry would be great for college football. And a Florida vs. Clemson annual matchup alternating between The Swamp and Death Valley would be epic.The schools not on the list nobody's talking about: Houston, and TCU. The chances of getting Texas in the SEC are pretty slim unless the Big 12 totally collapses(and don't hold you're breath hoping that will happen). Chuck Oliver (The "King of College Football") brought up the idea of Houston as an SEC on his show on 680 the Fan in Atlanta Thursday, and was promptly ridiculed by co-host Matt Chernoff among others at the station. But its closer to SEC country than Austin, and is a way larger media market. TCU in the Dallas-Ft. Worth area makes it a possibility. And TCU is one of the hot schools at the moment. Hotter than at least 3/5ths of the schools on the list.(via The ACC and SEC Blog)

Chicago gives America another reason to root for Philadelphia in the Stanley Cup Finals

Chicago gives America another reason to root for Philadelphia in the Stanley Cup Finals

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 28, 2010

The lions in front of the Art Institute of Chicago may have been the lamest attempt to show support for a home team ever. That is until somebody decided to dress up the Michael Jordan statue at the United Center.All you can say after this is "Go Flyers." And Phil Knight probably isn't too happy the statue is pimping a jersey manufactured by Reebok, either.(via The 700 Level)

If I Ever Get Back: Baseball Links and Hi-Jinks

If I Ever Get Back: Baseball Links and Hi-Jinks

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 28, 2010

Ouch! The Mets Ike "The Stimulus" Davis made another dive into the dugout for a foul ball. But this time without success. At this rate, The Mets are going to have to start looking for a steel covered athletic supporter to protect the, uh, "Stimulus Package." (Yahoo! Sports)Go, West. MLB is reportedly fed up with Joe West's pimping himself. So they may suspend him. (Yahoo! Sports)Tumbling Dice. Boston Red Sox winning streak ends thanks to Daisuke Matsuzaka. (Yahoo! Sports)More Kowbell. Take one California Angels first baseman (Kenny Morales). Add one lame nickname (Kowbell). Add one old (and getting older by the minute) Saturday Night Live skit(More Cowbell). Mix together. Put on YouTube. Instant lameness. (Halos Heaven)Chipper, we hardly knew ye. This may be Chipper Jones' last season. (Talking Chop)

What Passes for Life: Shaq-Fu edition

What Passes for Life: Shaq-Fu edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Shaqille O'Neal wants to fight in the UFC. At least Dana White says he does. In the meanwhile, you can fight as Shaq in the new UFC Undisputed game. He's a hidden fighter you can unlock. (Cagewriter)This year's Dancing With the Stars wardrobe malfunctions. There more of the Project Runway reject type than the Janet Jackson type. But Erin Andrews, Evan Lysacek, and Chad (Johnson) are all featured. (Yahoo!TV )The BCS isn't fair, but it isn't supposed to be. Because Tony Barnhart says so. (Mr. College Football)What the Mets need to do to make the NL Playoffs. It's mostly pitching, pitching, pitching. Not mentioned: Hoping that the Braves, Marlins, and Nationals suck less than they do. (Which actually could happen) (Bleacher Report)Deadspin giving away a body hair groomer. There's a Grady Sizemore joke around here somewhere, but I'm not going to be the one to touch it. Or his coffee cup, for that matter. (Deadspin)Black Heart Lame Pants. In case you missed it in today's Covering Dixie Like Mildew, here are the pants Arkansas will be wearing this year. Modeled by Ryan Mallett.They haven't gotten any less lame since this morning. Neither has Mallett. (Hog Database)

England soccer's Leighton Baines fears leaving home. Does he have good reason?

England soccer's Leighton Baines fears leaving home. Does he have good reason?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

England soccer team member Leighton Baines has a little phobia he's going to have to deal with as his team heads for the FIFA World Cup in South Africa. It seems he's afraid of leaving home."Everyone wants to be a part of England, to come away and play, but I have always found it really hard, even when I was teenager, being away from home."I have always struggled with it, that's quite tough, but the more time you spend around the lads, the more you begin to feel part of everything.While being homesick doesn't seem to be that big of a problem, it probably doesn't help when there are American fans carrying around signs like this one:Luckily for Baines that's Wayne Rooney's decapitated noggin that Landon Donovan has in his hand. But you never know where Hannibal Landon has Baines on his list.(The Mirror, Dirty Tackle, The Spoiler, Deadspin)

Hawks co-owner is today's Dumbest Person in the NBA

Hawks co-owner is today's Dumbest Person in the NBA

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

A member of the group that owns the Atlanta Hawks and the Atlanta Thrashers has been fined $25,000 by the NBA for, you guessed it, talking about LeBron James. Michael Gearon Jr., part of the dysfunctional Atlanta Spirit Group, got the smackdown by David Stern's office for comments about Matisyahu* to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. Here's what the genius said."If somebody came to us tomorrow and said you can have LeBron for max money and it puts you in the luxury tax, I’d do it in a a heartbeat. But am I going to do that for Ilgauskas? Am I going to do it for Jermaine O’Neal? I don’t think so. . . "Stern should have fined Gearon another $25,000 or more just for being stupid. Because absolutely nobody and his dog thinks that LeBron James would sign with the Hawks. At least not with the Atlanta Spirit Group as owners. Gearon isn't the only intelligence-challenged individual among that group. When they haven't been suing one another, the Atlanta Spirit Group have pretty much ran the Hawks on fumes. The group doesn't have the money to sustain a successful playoff team beyond this season.Don't believe me? Star Joe Johnson will reportedly talk with James, Dwayne Wade, and Chris Bosh on who they should all sign with next season. (Where is Stern on that little gem?) There is little chance Johnson will be back in a Hawk uniform next season. So there's zero chance i that James would play in the ATL. At least not as a Hawk.The may have one thing that Gearon and the Atlanta Spirit Group may have less of do in the bank account, and that's brains. Kurt Cobain has more active brain cells after he blew his head off than Gearon and crew has.*Oh wait, I did say I wasn't going to call LeBron that. My bad.(via Atlanta Journal-Constitution, New York Post)

Oh Snap! Moment of the Day: What If? Edition

Oh Snap! Moment of the Day: What If? Edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

I wish this was a real comic book. The sad thing is that I used to own the original "What If Rick Jones Had Become The Hulk?" comic (one of the better of the What If? series, actually)(Thanks to Dragavon over at The Outhouse for finding this.)

Your Moment of Tebowness: Tebow moves up the depth chart

Your Moment of Tebowness: Tebow moves up the depth chart

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

(Your Moment of Tebowness is SWRT's recurring feature on the cultural phenomenon that is His Tebowness. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?)Tim Tebow is beginning his slow climb up the Broncos' depth chart. Or is "slow" too deceptive of a word? The Denver Post reports that His Tebowness has jumped over Tom Brandstater to become the number three quarterback for the Broncos. (Yeah, I had to do a Wiki search on Brandstater too). That isn't quite like Matt Ryan or Alex Sanchez getting the starting job, but the Broncos aren't in a desperate spot at the QB position with Kyle Orton and Brady Quinn.Of course if those persistent trade rumors of Orton's being on the trading block (which Denver denies), it could be a quick leap to the number two spot by the start of the 2010 season.(TIM TEBLOG, Denver Post)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Thursday wrap-up

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Thursday wrap-up

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 27, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)Argument for Texas in the SEC. T. Kyle King of Dawg Sports makes the argument that the SEC needs to nab Texas to keep up financially with an expanding Big Ten. Texas being the only school that actually helps the SEC when it comes to market expansion. (Dawg Sports)Mississippi State's chances for a bowl in 2010. It pretty much depends on going 6-6. In a year where Mississippi St. has to face Florida, Georgia, and Kentucky from the SEC East, along with the usual in-conference suspects, that may be tough. Not surprisingly, the best chance for an upset may be against Georgia. (Team Speed Kills)It's those dern Northerners in Boston's fault. Debate on whether Boston College hurts attendance figures for the ACC baseball tournament , if only by being in the ACC. (BC Interruption)Who should replace Georgia Tech on Alabama's schedule? A poll asking who Alabama should get to replace the Yellowjackets on the schedule in 2013 and 2014. A lot of big names for the picking. It'll probably end up being Troy or The Citadel. (Roll Bama Roll)Will Kyle Parker be at Clemson next year? The possibility of Parker being picked in the MLB draft might mean his departure from the Tigers. (The State, via Dr. Saturday)Need more evidence Arkansas new uniforms suck? Look at the pants. Being worn over Ryan Mallett's sorry thighs.They look like 80's sweatpants, for crying out loud! I expect better from the Swoosh! (Hog Database)

Celtics lose second in a row to Magic. Are they cursed?

Celtics lose second in a row to Magic. Are they cursed?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 26, 2010

A few days ago, the Celtics were a game away from sweeping the Orlando out of the playoffs. Then the Magic bounced back, won two in a row, and have now forced a Game Six. Just what could have caused this unbelievable turn of events?Nah.

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Only Kings Have Rings

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Only Kings Have Rings

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 26, 2010

I never bought into the "King James" thing with LeBron James. It always seemed a cute little nickname some unoriginal serf at Nike came up with before James even proved worthy of the title. And in cases like this year's chokejob in the playoffs against the Celtics, he hasn't.It looks like somebody else out there agrees with me. Apparel company The Forrest Lab make a very credible case about who the real "King" of the NBA is:The back of the shirt pretty much says it all.Not a bad argument for $29.99. And it comes in white and gold colors, too. Why there's no purple one I'll never know. There should be one, since purple is the color of royalty.Oh well, it looks like LeBron's going to need a new nickname. How about "Matisyahu," since LeBron is apparently a "King Without a Crown." Scratch that, I know what that songs about, and LeBron ain't that, either.(via First Cuts)

What Passes for Life: Jared Allen's mullet memorial edition

What Passes for Life: Jared Allen's mullet memorial edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 26, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)R.I.P Jared Allen's mullet..and his manhood. Allen ditched his infamous mullet for his wedding."And it seems to me, you lived your life like a haircut in the windNever knowing what to cling toWhen the helmet went on"(Vikings.com)Great moments in the history of Steve Nash's face. A look back at the damage Steve Nash's face has taken playing in the NBA (Hooped Up)Non-BCS schools are doing better in BCS Bowls than ACC or Big East. At least a lobbyist for the Mountain West conference says they do. But he's got some good evidence to back-up his claim. (Mountain West Connection)Auburn blogger interviews The Reverend Horton Heat. Surprisingly, there's an Auburn connection with The Good Reverend and Auburn. (The War Eagle Reader)Tim Lincecum gets his own cartoon. As you can guess, it's all trippy and freaky. (TAUNTR)

Chicago shows support for the Blackhawks with giant helmets

Chicago shows support for the Blackhawks with giant helmets

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 26, 2010

The Stanley Cup Finals are fast approaching, and the fever is hitting Chicago pretty hard. Even landmarks like the Art Institute of Chicago are getting into the act, by topping the lion statues that guard the front of the Institute with hockey helmets.It's supposed to invoke feelings of pride (pardon the pun) and a show of support for the Blackhawks. But for some reason it reminds me of David Wright wearing that extra-protective batting helmet.That's probably not what the Art Institute intended.(via Puck Daddy, Battle of California)

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