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[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Herky the Hawk

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Herky the Hawk

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 23, 2009

Is there anything more pathetic than a mascot dressed up as a football player? Well how about the name of a mascot? This is Herky the Hawk. And no, his mama didn't name him that . That distinction goes to John Franklin. Herky is supposed to be a shortened version of Hercules. Yeah, I'm not seeing it either. Herky's frame looks more like the Charles Atlas "before" pictures. Not quite as inspiring as his creators expected.Herky looks pathetic in that uniform, doesn't he? He looks more chicken hawk than an actual hawk. Heck, Tony Hawk looks more intimidating than Herky here. Feel free to put on some shoulder pads there, Herky. At least it would look like he was trying.(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Griffin vs. Bonnar: Sporting Event of the Decade?

Griffin vs. Bonnar: Sporting Event of the Decade?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 23, 2009

MMA Fighting.com has declared the first Ultimate Fighter Finale fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar as the Fight of the Decade. Total no-brainer there. No MMA fight has been as important to the sport before or since. Which brings up the fight for consideration for another title: Sporting Event of the Decade.Sounds a little too much? Consider this; there probably isn't an individual event that meant as much to a sport as the Griffin-Bonnar fight did for MMA. Not only did it save the UFC, but it's led the way for all of MMA to enter the mainstream. Without TUF, UFC might have gone under. Strikeforce (and EliteXC before it) probably wouldn't have been shown on CBS. Tapout might not have become a clothing line big enough to sell in major sporting goods stores. Forrest Griffin might still be a cop or a patrol officer in Athens, GA.The Griffin-Bonnar fight is to MMA what Super Bowl III was to the NFL. Or what the 1979 NCAA Basketball Championship Game with Magic Johnson and Larry Bird was for college basketball. Or what Tony Hawk's 900 was for skateboarding (and action sports in general). It was the event that put the sport on the map. It can hardly be said for any Super Bowl or World Series this decade.Sure there have been great Super Bowls and World Series and other such events this decade. But none of these had the impact the Griffin-Bonnar fight has had on their sports. Even the Red Sox reversing the curse in the 2004 World Series was virtually anti-climatic. Super Bowl XXXVI, which signaled the beginning of the Patriots' dynasty may come close. But that was more for an individual team than for an entire sport. It was hardly what you could call a game-changer.It may be a stretch to call the Griffin-Bonnar fight the Sporting Event of the Decade to many. But no sporting event this decade has had the lasting impact on a sport and its place in society. That is how greatness is really defined. It's not just how good or how big an event was, but how much of an impact it had in the end.(via MMA Fighting.com)

And if you think Braves' fans hate the Vazquez-Cabrera deal...

And if you think Braves' fans hate the Vazquez-Cabrera deal...

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 23, 2009

Wait till you hear what some Yankee fans think of it.(via IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAIR, IT IS...caught)

Move over, Mona Lisa. Here comes Tebow-inspired art.

Move over, Mona Lisa. Here comes Tebow-inspired art.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 22, 2009

Ripley's Believe It or Not! Orlando Odditorium has a new exhibit on display honoring...you guessed it! Tim Tebow. This one is a portrait of Tebow made from 46,000 Airsoft bb's. What, you were expecting oil paints on canvas? This is Ripley's we're talking about here!Here's what the object in question, created by an unnamed UF grad student.Don't look at it too long, or you'll shoot your eye out.(via TIMTEBLOG, my fox Tampa Bay )

It's the Hot Stove League, Frank Wren. And all you get is a rock.

It's the Hot Stove League, Frank Wren. And all you get is a rock.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 22, 2009

There's a phrase that goes through my head this time of year when the Braves are working the Hot Stove League: "All I got was a rock."That's what Charlie Brown said in It's the Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown when he and the Peanuts gang went trick-or-treating. The rest of the gang got candy. All Charlie Brown got was a rock. Today the Braves traded pitcher Javier Vazquez to the Yankees for Melky Cabrera and some prospects. Another year, another rock.Frank Wren has shown about zero as a general manager. He traded Jeff Francoeur for R**n Church. How did that deal work out? He signed Derek Lowe, who underperformed all last year.And now Vazquez gets traded to the Yankees for a lesser bat.Another year, another rock.

It had to happen: The NFL on FOX robot gets his own action figure.

It had to happen: The NFL on FOX robot gets his own action figure.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 22, 2009

We live in a world where every obscure Star Wars character with at least five seconds of screen time gets an action figure. So its not surprising that someone has come out with an action figure of Cletus, the NFL on FOX robot. Foamheads, the company also known for lame football-themed headgear, is the company to blame for this little gem, perfect for last-minute Alex P. Keatonesque gifting.Wait, it guess worse. Foamheads has Cletus figures in variations for 28 out of 32 NFL teams. Fan of the Lions, Jaguars, or Ravens? Sorry, you're out of luck. Or maybe you're in luck, as the case may be.(via Deadspin)

Tebow has something else Matthew Stafford doesn't

Tebow has something else Matthew Stafford doesn't

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 22, 2009

I guess we can add something else to the list of things Tim Tebow has that Matthew Stafford doesn't. Tim Tebow graduated from Florida this weekend, with a degree in family, youth and community sciences. This means he has a degree to go along with his Heisman Trophy and two BCS Championships. Stafford does have a Sugar Bowl win that Tebow doesn't. But Tebow should be getting his against a Brian Kelly-less Cincinnati on New Years Day, 2010.(via Gainesville Sun, TIMTEABLOG)

ESPN columnist's argument against Big Ten expansion empty of facts

ESPN columnist's argument against Big Ten expansion empty of facts

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 21, 2009

Memo to ESPN online columnists: Can you please cut back on the mindless cultural psychobabble impersonating a rational argument?Sunday gave America two pieces of sociological gobbledygook from ESPN. One was comparing the SEC to the Yankees, and complaining about the fact that SEC coaches get paid more than other coaches and school officials. Big deal. Then Jeff MacGregor wrote an even more mindless piece against Big Ten expansion.It wouldn't have been bad if MacGregor was basing his argument on something like hard facts. Instead, he gives vague generalities without any useful information to prove his argument. Take this piece of psychobabble, for example:"Is there a single corner of American life, from housing to Hollywood, coffee shops to shopping malls, left unruined by our compulsive half-century rush to bloat? Or by our obsessive need to profit from our obsessive needs? American houses: bigger. American mortgages: bigger. American cars: bigger. American movies: bigger. American banks: bigger. American stores: bigger.Americans: BiggerHow's all that working out for you?America! Too big to fail!"That's pretty much the article: a lot of talk-radioish bluster more worthy of a Deadspin parody of a Peggy Noonan column (if Noonan was a liberal). MacGregor's piece is totally devoid of any genuine facts to back up his assertion.Any kind of facts would have helped MacGregor's point. A passing mention of how well ACC expansion has gone would have been argument enough. But an endless string of baseless assertions and generalities doesn't make a persuasive argument.It also ignores the truth. The Big Ten is getting irrelevant because of the lack of a championship game in December. A Chicago Tribune article uses pretty good facts as to why the conference needs to expand. MacGregor could've used it as a good template for his argument on why it shouldn't.(via ESPN)

Nike's MVPuppets deck the halls with boughs of lameness

Nike's MVPuppets deck the halls with boughs of lameness

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 21, 2009

Nike delivered its latest package of lameness from the MVPuppets this weekend. You know, those stupid ads with the Kobe Bryant and LeBron James puppets? The ones that may have had you wishing for a "Dan and Dave"-like finish to the season (which pretty much happened)?This time Kobe and LeBron's puppet avatars aid Santa (voiced by KRS-One) in warding off a playground challenge from Blitzen (voiced by Lupe Fiasco) and some of the other Reindeer. No, Rudolph wasn't involved. He still doesn't get get invited to play in any reindeer games. (That and Nike was too cheap to pay the company that holds the rights to Rudolph. )Anyhow the series starts with Blitzen challenging Santa.Next comes Santa trash-talking back to hit reinder. Sadly, no mention of the word "venison."(Notice the name "Rudoplh" was blepped out? I told you Nike was too cheap to pay for the rights. Man up, Phil Knight!)Oh course there comes the inevitable showdown, and well. you really didn't think Kobe and LeBron's little puppet avatars were going to be taken out by a few tiny reindeer, did you?It would be more impressing if they were facing Little Penny, Larry Johnson and his Grandmama. (And that actually could could happen. Nike owns Converse. No rights problem there.)(via Ball Don't Lie, First Cuts)

The NFL wants...BRAINS!!!

The NFL wants...BRAINS!!!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 20, 2009

The AP is reporting that the NFL is asking players to donate their brains to science. According to the report, the League is teaming up with Boston University Center for the Study of Traumatic Encephalopathy to study the effects of head trauma in football players. This comes after much criticism of the League's handling of the issue, and sever major on-field incidents (such as the recent concussion of Ben Roethlisberger).Of course this is what the NFL claims the brains will be used for.On the other hand...(via South Bend Tribune)

The SEC is

The SEC is "The Yankees of the college game?" Them's fightin' words.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 20, 2009

Leave it to ESPN to start the week off with a bad analogy for the SEC. The World Wide Leader took a look at the economics of the SEC and declared it "the New York Yankees of college football conferences." There are still parts of the South where being called a "Yankee" is about the worst thing you could call someone. All the while acting like this was something bad.Of course the issue is money, and the fact that the coaches make a whole lot of it. This is of course used as an excuse to bash the salaries that college coaches are paid. Needless to say, the article then proceeds to degenerate into the usual haves-versus-have-nots mess. In short, it's a long article that really doesn't say anything new or anything to improve the situation. Or anything much at all for that matter.(via ESPN)

Tim Cowlishaw gives praise to Jerry Jones' Heathen Temple

Tim Cowlishaw gives praise to Jerry Jones' Heathen Temple

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 20, 2009

You would think that Around the Horn panelist and BCS Tool Tim Cowlishaw would take time in his column to gloat over Dallas crushing New Orleans' dreams of perfection. Nope.Or maybe get closer to home gloat about Texas beating North Carolina. You're getting warmer, but not even that.Nope, Cowlishaw spent his precious column time heaping praise on the venue of Saturday's Longhorn beating of the reigning NCAA Basketball Tournament Champions: The Heathen Temple of Jerry Jones Avarice a.k.a Cowboys Stadium.Cowlishaw was impressed at Cowboy Stadium's capability of handling a big-time sporting event other than a football game. The game, well that was neat too.Or course Cowlishaw gives praise for what distinguishes The Heathen Temple from that other contender of misplaced greed, the All-New, All Different Yankee Stadium: The retractable roof. "Give Jerry Jones as much grief as you choose for his failure to hire a general manager. But he (and the taxpayers) left nothing to chance when they built this place, which should instantly work its way into regular rotations for all the major sporting events. That includes the one Texas and Alabama will travel to the West Coast to play in January." As mentioned here before, the roof is what makes Cowboys Stadium more important than Yankee Stadium or that new stadium the two New York-in-name-only teams will be playing their home games in nest year. The one they're hoping gets a Super Bowl. The one without a roof. Good luck with that.(via Dallas Morning News)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Ramblin' Wreck

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Ramblin' Wreck

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 20, 2009

Ah, the Ramblin' Wreck of Georgia Tech. Nothing says you're a forward looking institution like a nearly 80 year-old motor vehicle as a mascot. The Ramblin' Wreck is a 1930 Ford Model A Sports Coupe. I'm sure that it was the state of the art back in the day. Sadly, that day was when Bobby Bowden was a year old (if that. He was born November 8, 1929).Do you realize how old the Ramblin' Wreck is? It's four years older than Donald Duck. It's eight years older than Superman. It's six years older than John McCain, for crying out loud!Not to go Colin Cowherd and dismiss everything that existed before ESPN, but you would think Georgia Tech would want to do more to show itself as a forward thinking organization. Then again, it was responsible for this ad that ran during the broadcasts of Tech football games this year:Of course as anybody could tell you, the Space Shuttle is 30-40 year old technology. I think my iPod has more computing power than the shuttle's computers do.(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Julio Jones rap video reveals sorry state of rap music in Alabama

Julio Jones rap video reveals sorry state of rap music in Alabama

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 19, 2009

You know that youe state's music industry is in sad shape when the best rapper is a blonde white girl.Look, not every place in the Dirty South can be The ATL, but c'mon! Put a little more effort into it, dangit!No word yet on the true identity of this young maiden,or what her momma named her. Though this being the internet age you know that won't last long. The YouTube channel's user profile gives the username "uacrock" and not much else.And by the way, it there anything lamer than a houndstooth baseball cap? Seriously 'Bama, you take this Bear Bryant worship to the wildest of extremes.(and yes, DMX and Q-Tip are from Alabama. What exactly have they done lately?)(via The Sporting Blog)

Dawgageddon: Who wants to be a defense coordinator?

Dawgageddon: Who wants to be a defense coordinator?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 18, 2009

With Vic Koennig picking Illinois and Ron Zook over Georgia its beginning to looks pretty bad for the Dawgs getting a blue-chip defense coordinator to replace Willie Martinez. If it gets any worse, Mark Richt may have to see a DC at "Lowered Expectations," Mad TV's fictional dating service.If the search gets any worse, Richt may be interviewing Bo Kunkle, the (now ex-)high school football coach Tia Tequila dumped on A Shot at Love II with Tia Tequila before too long. (I was really hoping not to mention Tia Tequila on this blog. Now Iv'e done it three times in one entry, dangit!)Or even worse yet, Richt may have to put on his own reality show to fill the job.Just a few possible (nightmare) scenarios:Iron Defense Coordinator: Contestants have to come up with five defense plays using a theme ingredient.The Ultimate Coordinator: Candidates for the DC job fight it out in the octagon. (You did know Forest Griffin went to UGA?)Defense Coordinator Chalenge: The Ruins: DC candidates face off in challenges an arena built within the ruins of what's left of Vince Dooley's house.So You Think You Can Coach? Candidates have a dance-off for the job.Yeah, it could probably get much worse.(And you think that's bad? Look what I found on YouTube looking for "Lowered Expectations."Yes, that's Shaq. Please kill me now.)(via ajc.com)

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