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Tim Tebow tributes get into full swing.

Tim Tebow tributes get into full swing.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 29, 2009

What are we going to do without Tim Tebow once he fades into third round draft pick obscurity? Find someone else to recycle old Chuck Norris jokes with, I guess. Anyhow, Nola.com has come up with their top eleven Tim Tebow jokes, "because we just couldn’t stop at 10. However, Tim Tebow can eat just one Lay’s potato chip," as they say.Frankly, I got tired of Tim Tebow/Chuck Norris/Most Interesting Man in the World jokes a while ago. Honestly Jay-Z boast of making "the Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can" is better than most Chuck Norris jokes combined. The exception would be Johnny Carson's claim back around 1985 that Norris was going to save Rambo in his next film. (Johnny Carson invented the Chuck Norris joke, in my opinion. Someone find me the video on this.)Meanwhile Dan Shanoff over at TIMTEBLOG is counting down the Top Tebow Moments. Somehow I'm doubting this makes the list:Or this one:And this one was totally fake. But dang, it's still funny:Circumcising boys in the Philippines does get the nod at No.8, however.(via Nola.com, TIMTEBLOG)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Reveille VIII

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Reveille VIII

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 29, 2009

What's that, Reveille? The Aggies have fallen down a well and can't get out? Yeah, that's gonna be a tricky one there, girl. There's not a long enough rope to get the program out from where its gone. At least not one that's somewhat fireproof.It's easy to see why you're a little melancholy over the Aggies loss to Georgia in the Independence Bowl. Ha! Ha! Melancholy, get it? You're a collie. Not to dwell on the point, but a collie isn't exactly the most inspiring of mascots there. I know it's kind of hard to compete with good 'ol Taco Meat in Texas, but sheesh! A collie? I expect something a little more, well, Texasy out of Texas, dangit! A collie is more, well, Texasissy.I guess all the good breeds were taken. The Tennessee Vols have those bluetick coonhounds. And the Georgia Bulldogs have ..well, duh! Oh, did I mention Georgia? It it too soon to mention Georgia? Oops! I said it again. Sorry about that, girl.I can tell the sorry state of Texas A&M football is heavy on you mind there, Reveille. With Texas getting ready for the BCS Championship while watching the Aggies crash and burn in the Independence Bowl things can't be too happy around College Station. Worse yet, there's Texas Tech who have pretty much stolen A&M's role as the No. 2 football school in the Lone Star State. And SMU looks like it's finally recovering from the Death Penalty of 1987. But look on the bright side, there's always Baylor to look down on.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

A special message from Keith Olbermann...

A special message from Keith Olbermann...

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 28, 2009

Memo to Deadspin : If you're going to start dragging up embarrassing commercials featuring Dan Patrick and third-rate restaurant chains, they might as well drag this one out of the YouTube ether:Oh look, a twofer!Just something to remember when K.O. mocks Glenn Beck's hawking gold for his sponsors.(via Deadspin, YouTube)

Batten down the hatches! Texas tech suspends Mike Leach

Batten down the hatches! Texas tech suspends Mike Leach

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 28, 2009

Texas Tech head coach (and pirate enthusiast) Mike Leach has been indefinitely suspended after the administration "received a complaint from the unnamed player and his parents regarding his treatment by Leach after an undisclosed injury." No word how Mangino-esque the complaints might be. Expect lame pirate related jokes over the internet to follow.(via ESPN)

Dawgageddon: How to tell if your bowl game sucks

Dawgageddon: How to tell if your bowl game sucks

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 27, 2009

Dawg fans rejoice! It almost time for the Advocare V100 Independence Bowl in beautiful Shreveport, LA. Oh, look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Look at the vitamins falling out of the sky.The Bulldog Nation should revel in the fact that the hated Willie Martinez will not be the defensive coordinator for this game. The bad news? It looks like nobody else wants the job. The Dawg's defense will be handled by line coach Rodney Garner and a couple of graduate assistants. If that news doesn't a premature "Aggie Dance" in College Station, nothing will.(And if you have to ask what the "Aggie Dance" is, a) You're too young, b) you really don't need to know, and c)You have limited knowledge of Broadway (you lucky dog! I wish I was you.)).Of course it's still the Independence Bowl. Want to know how bad the Independence Bowl sucks? It's on ESPN2 at 5:00 PM EST. That would make sense if there was another game or some other sporting event scheduled on ESPN. The truth? ESPN has it's normal everyday programming scheduled at that time. That's right, ESPN would rather show Stat Boy Tony Reali and Woody Paige instead of an SEC football team vs. a Big 12 team in a bowl game. That all but says your bowl sucks and you suck.Hey, it could be worse. Georgia could've been in the Little Caesars Bowl in Detroit. But at least that game had enough respect to be shown on a Saturday on ESPN, and not relegated to ESPN2 up against Kornheiser and Wilbon.The Bulldogs have pretty much hit the bottom of the barrel when it comes to bowl games. Another year like this and Martinez won't be the only ex-coach form the 2009 staff to looking for a job around Christmas.

Meyer staying at Florida?

Meyer staying at Florida?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 27, 2009

ESPN is reporting that Urban Meyer is having second thoughts about retiring and will "take an indefinite leave of absence" instead. The Gators' offensive coordinator Steve Adazzio would take over the coaching duties Meyer is ready to return.While a lot of Gator fans will be having a sigh of relief over this news, there are a few questions raised when it comes to how the Gators will handle things between now and the start of the 2010 season. Recruiting may be an issue if potential recruits aren't sure of who will be coaching in the fall. There is also to huge possibility that Meyer's health might ultimately cause him to step down at some point before the season starts.While tapping Adazzio to hold down the fort squashes any succession issues, it does call in to question what happens in the long run. If Adazzio has to ultimately step in take over at coach full time, it could get messy if things go south in Gainesville.If it sounds like the Urban Meyer retirement drama in The Swamp is over don't count on it. There are whole new pools of drama left over that could be issues between now and September of 2010.(via ESPN)

Undercover Boss afteer the Super Bowl? Please kill me now.

Undercover Boss afteer the Super Bowl? Please kill me now.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 27, 2009

What the networks put on after the Super Bowl can be as big as the commercials at times. NBC debuted The A-Team after Super Bowl XVII. ABC's broadcast of Super Bowl XXII was followed by the series premiere of The Wonder Years. At other times, the networks have put on episodes of their big series, such as CBS showing the premiere episode of Survivor: The Australian Outback after Super Bowl XXXV in 2001.So what is going on CBS's schedule following Super Bowl XLIV? Something called Undercover Boss. A reality show where "high-level chief executives slip anonymously into the rank and file of their companies."What the...?This is the best CBS has got? This is the network with Survivor, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory, and umpteen versions of CSI and its sundry knockoffs. All of these choices and CBS picks a reality show that already has "SUCK" written all over it?This could be explained by the zeitgeist of the post-financial crisis world. What blue-collar wouldn't want to see their CEO doing the dirty work for once. But Undercover Boss in the coveted post Super Bowl slot? Oh child, please.If CBS was wanting to promote a show from it's Sunday line-up, why not go with the obvious choice and debut a new season of The Amazing Race after the Super Bowl? It's been doing decent numbers on Sunday nights, even in the face of NFL Sunday Night Football on NBC. It would be a perfect way to promote what is without a doubt the best reality show on TV on a regular basis, at least quality-wise.Hopefully, Undercover Boss is just a placeholder until CBS can come up with something big for a very special 60 Minutes interview with Tiger Woods or something as juicy. Otherwise, the programming department at CBS has a lot of

With Meyer leaving Florida, let the mindless succession begin.

With Meyer leaving Florida, let the mindless succession begin.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 26, 2009

Urban Meyer's departure from Florida after the Sugar Bowl is going to launch a whole lot of speculation, it it hasn't already. Everybody and their dog is going to have their choice for who they would like to see replace Meyer as the Gators' coach. And the first one to suggest Tebow needs to be have their internet privileges revoked.After Ron Zook's crash and burn it's doubtful that Florida goes the promote-the assistant coach route. Former Florida offensive coordinator and current Mississippi State coach Dan Mullen is already getting nods. As is Charlie Strong, who just took the job as Louisville head coach. Mullin I can see, but Strong would probably lose a lot of face if he quit Louisville now.There will probably be a lot of calls for Jon Gruden. Expect Tommy Tuberville to get a few votes too. There's already talk of Bob Stoops as Florida coach (please kill me now).What would be really funny? Charlie Weis. Think about it. Irony on irony there. Though I wouldn't hold my breath there if I were you.Who do I think might get a serious look? Utah's Kyle Whittingham (left). He was Meyer's defensive coordinator at Utah, and succeeded Meyer as head coach. His record is 47-17, with five bowl victories. One of those bowl victories was against Alabama in the 2009 Sugar Bowl. And Bernie Machen, President of the University of Florida, was the former President of the University of Florida. Don't be surprised to find Whittingham at the top of the list.Expect the chatter over the battle for Urban Meyer's cowl to be more hot and heated than the actual search. There's going to be a lot of silly talk will very little substance. But keep in mind that if Florida is looking for a Meyer-like coach, Kyle Whittingham fits the bill perfectly.(via Rivals.com)

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

HAPPY BOXING DAY!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 26, 2009

Okay, that was lame. But it does bring up an excuse to mention that DC Comics is planning on reprinting Superman Vs. Muhammad Ali in 2010. This was originally published as a giant-sized comic featuring artwork by the legendary Neal Adams. Whether this is in conjunction with the 50th anniversary of Ali winning the gold medal in the 1960 Rome Olympics is unknown.(via DC Universe: The Source. With a big tip to Bubbakanoosh over at The Outhouse for the tip

The Emerald Bowl: Lamest bowl with coolest name?

The Emerald Bowl: Lamest bowl with coolest name?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 25, 2009

The Emerald Bowl may be the coolest named or the really sucky bowls. Sure it's named after a brand of nuts, but it's still better sounding than the Little Caesars Bowl (Also being played Saturday).For a crummy bowl, the Emerald Bowl does have a lot going for it. It's in San Francisco, which beats Shreveport, LA any day. Plus, it does have a really cool sounding name. This year it has USC vs. Boston College. The Trojans less-than-stellar season should prove a boon to the Emerald Bowl, at least in the ratings.What's really crummy about the Emerald Bowl? The winner doesn't actually get an emerald bowl as a trophy. It's just another generic looking trophy. Does finding a glassmaker to make a bowl out of green glass or crystal really cost that much? If you're going to play something called the Emerald Bowl, you ought to at least try to have something emerald relating to it, don't you think?

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Stanford Tree

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The Stanford Tree

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 25, 2009

(Okay, too freaking obvious for Christmas. But hey, at least it out of the way now.)Oh Stanford Tree, oh Stanford Tree. You're lameness is appalling. You're not even official mascot. You' re something the Stanford band uses to thumb it's nose at the university's leadership. Blame the university for a)Not having anything resembling a spine and/or a set of chalupas and putting up with such foolishness. And b)Not having enough brains to actually designate an official mascot.Of course such foolishness could only come in the wake of political correctness. Stanford's nickname used to be the Indians, but Native American students protested and the name was dropped in 1972. Stanford was known as the Cardinals between 1972-1981, when the school decided to get cutesy and started calling itself the Cardinal, as in the shade of red. What Stanford didn't do was designate a new mascot. With the Stanford band left to their own devices (and no, that's not a good idea), the Tree developed. The Tree is used on the Stanford logo, and some genius decided to turn that into an unofficial costumed mascot.It such lameness like The Stanford Tree that makes you want to go out and chop down a redwood or two.

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 25, 2009

Merry Christmas! Thanks to everybody who has visited SWRT since it started in August. I'm amazed at how quickly this blog had gotten to over 4200 hits. Thanks for that. Keep checking in to see what's up. And don't be surprised if another Christmas themed [BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Shows up today. And maybe a couple of other things too.

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Bango

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Bango

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 24, 2009

"Then one foggy Christmas Eve Santa came to say...[BLEEP] YOU, Bagno!"Okay, so it the Milwaukee Bucks mascot doesn't quite qualify in the "Eight Tiny Reindeer" catagory. Work with me here. Besides, if you know a team that has an actual reindeer for a mascot, well thanks for keeping it a secret.Bango's lucky that he has some level of acrobatic prowess, because otherwise he'd probably be venison. Look at that set of horns. He's not quite an eight pointer there. is he now? Do you think Bill Jordan or Michael Waddell want that hanging on the wall? Nope. Bango would be going straight to the deer processor to put meat on the table. I'm sure he'd make a nice Christmas dinner for some family.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

The Pac-10 looking into expansion?

The Pac-10 looking into expansion?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 24, 2009

First the Big 10 talks expansion, now Joe Shcad tweets that the Pac 10 may be joining the 21st century. Schad tweeted that the Pac-10's commissioner Larry Scott was "open to expansion discussion." Yes, Virginia. There may really be a Santa Claus after all!Schad suggests the Pac-10 go after "BYU or Utah." While going after at least one Utah school is a good idea, two might be a little much. One Utah school would be enough to expand into that market. What the Pac-10 needs to do is go after Boise St. or a school in Colorado, such as Colorado or Air Force. Boise St. may be more desirable to fans, but Colorado is the larger and more lucrative market. Sure Colorado is a Big 12 school, but it's not like BCS conferences haven't raided each other before (like when the ACC raided the Big East).The possibility of the most Jurassic of BCS conferences even thinking about expanding is a glimmer of hope for progress. Any sign that the Pac-10 may be open for change is good. It's not a guarantee things will change, but it's a positive pointing in that direction.

Goodbye Atlanta Braves. Hello Liberty Media Surrender Monkeys

Goodbye Atlanta Braves. Hello Liberty Media Surrender Monkeys

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 23, 2009

It's official now. The Braves will not be trying to be a competitive team anymore. Instead of resigning Adam LaRoche or trying to get another relevant hitter, the Braves signed damaged goods Troy Glaus. Enough sign of a team that's not trying to win it all.Braves fans have to face the facts. Liberty Media doesn't care about winning games. The Atlanta Braves mean nothing to them, and neither does the city of Atlanta. It's just an insignificant part of the company. If there's any good news to that notion, it's that they will probably sell the team the first chance they get. But by then the Braves will be a ruined husk of themselves. It will take years for them to get back into playoff contention. If ever.It's over Braves' fans. Time to replace all of those division pennants in Turner Field with little white surrender flags. Or better yet, maybe little French flags. That's perfect for what the Braves have become: Liberty Media's Surrender Monkeys.(via ajc.com)

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