Monday, December 22, 2014 • Morning Edition • "We're so sorry, DC. Please take us back."
The Golddomedammerung: Guess who's not coming to dinner, Domers? Urban Meyer, that's who

The Golddomedammerung: Guess who's not coming to dinner, Domers? Urban Meyer, that's who

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 23, 2009

The last Golddomedammerung post has barely enough time to dry and this little gem pops up. Urban Meyer says he's not going to leave Florida for Notre Dame. Well, that should close that subject, but it won't.The sad truth is the Meyer to Notre Dame story is probably never really going to go away. It will pop up every few years while Meyer keeps on being successful at Florida, while ND fires another in a long line of underperforming coaches (at least by the Irish fanbase definition of underperforming).Meyer has nothing to gain bolting from Florida to Notre Dame. If he did, he tarnish his reputation in an instant. Jumping would drop him to the level of Nick Saban and the other coaches who jump from school to school leaving nothing but scorched earth. What he's done at Florida is remarkable and there's still room for Meyer to do a little more. Not to say Meyer will never go to South Bend, but it will be a year or two after he leaves Florida. Leaving now would be a huge mistake. It looks like Meyer fully gets that. Too bad the delusional Irish fanbase doesn't.(via Rivals.com)

The Golddomedammerung: Replacing Charlie Weis won't be as easy as you think

The Golddomedammerung: Replacing Charlie Weis won't be as easy as you think

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 23, 2009

Dan Wetzel claims that the "Irish can't get it wrong" in the headline for his article on replacing Charlie Weis. Gee, that's never been said before. Wetzel then goes on to discuss coaching choices where absolutely everything could go wrong.Expecting everything to go peachy in the quest for Weis' successor is pretty unrealistic. Especially if Notre Dame does the foolish thing and tries to go for a big name. Wetzel claims it couldn't hurt to pick talk to Urban Meyer's agent. Yes it would. It's doubtful Meyer's going to start toying with ND (or anybody else) at the edge of fulfilling Tim Tebow's promise of a perfect season. Even thinking Meyer's would want a Les Miles-esque describes delusional in any sense of the word.As for the other names out there (Brian Kelly, , Jim Harbaugh, etc.) They've had a nice season or two, but are they going to be long term successes on a bigger stage? And do they really want to move to South Bend a.k.a. Delusional Fanbase Central?Dream of the Endless would frequently ask "What could possibly go wrong?" at the start of his adventures in the Sandman graphic novels. Things usually got out of hand very quickly. Notre Dame and the people who think it will be easy to replace Charlie Weis should remember that.(via Rivals.com)

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Looks like Richt needs New Years' plans

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Looks like Richt needs New Years' plans

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 22, 2009

Mark Richt can pretty much plan on a quiet New Years at home with the family this year. He's not the type to go hang out with the drunks and stoners watching the Peach Drop in Atlanta (the ultimate in lame, but that's another story), so it's probably for the best to stay at home reflect on what a clusterbomb the 2009 season has been.Losing to Kentucky has pretty much dashed any possible chances of a December 31 or January 1, 2010 bowl game. Heck, it might have squashed the chances of playing in Shreveport in the Independence Bowl. If might be better for Richt and UGA AD Damon Evens to decline whatever bowl invite comes and to spend the time interviewing new offense defense coordinators. If they're not too busy updating their own resumes and cleaning out their desks by the end of the year.

Bud Adams invents a new kind of finger.

Bud Adams invents a new kind of finger.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 22, 2009

What does Tennessee Titans' owner have flowing through his veins? Reptile blood? Ice water? Antifreeze? Massengill?After paying out $250,000 for a couple of middle fingers last week, Adams this week came up with a whole new finger altogether. He placed the following ad in The Buffalo News:It's this kind of snottish display of wealth that caused the Bolshevik Revolution. The Buffalo News probably didn't mind the ad money, and they probably they didn't mind using their paper to show what a jerk Bud Adams really is. But this is just a little too much. This kind of snottish behavior from owners is something the NFL really doesn't need. This certainly doesn't help Adams and the Titans' popularity around the country any.(via The Sporting Blog, ESPN)

The Golddomedammerung: Connecticut 33 Notre Dame 30

The Golddomedammerung: Connecticut 33 Notre Dame 30

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 21, 2009

Not quite there yet, but she's warming up.

FOX Sports announcers suspended for being mocking Iranian-born NBA player

FOX Sports announcers suspended for being mocking Iranian-born NBA player

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 21, 2009

A couple of FOX Sports Prime Ticket announcers who did play-by-play for the Los Angeles Clippers were suspended from last night's telecast because of comments made about Memphis Grizzlies rookie center Hamed Haddai. Haddai is the first Iranian born player in NBA history. So naturally Ralph Lawler and Mike Smith start making Borat comments and pronouncing Iranian as Eye-ranian (which apparently some viewer found offensive). (Borat was from Kazakhstan, by the way.)Did I mention Lawler and Smith worked for FOX Sports? Anyone really shocked by this? I sense a Keith Olbermann "Worst Person in the World" nod for these goobers, even if they weren't FOX Sports employees.(via The Big Lead, Los Angeles Times)

Gameday: Ohio State and Michigan

Gameday: Ohio State and Michigan

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 21, 2009

In case you didn't hear Ohio State and Michigan play today.(Yes, this was an excuse to post this .)

Grateful Dead Monopoly. Please Kill Me Now

Grateful Dead Monopoly. Please Kill Me Now

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

Out at the mall today I saw a Deadhead version of Monopoly:Now I have become Don Henley, Destroyer of Worlds.

Ryan A. Conklin and IAVA

Ryan A. Conklin and IAVA

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

Former MTV Real World: Brooklyn cast member SGT. Ryan A. Conklin tweeted today that he's got 40 days left on his current tour of duty in Iraq. That's good to hear. Meanwhile, here's a clip he made in conjunction with the Iraq and Afghanistan Veterans of America (I believe it was while he was on leave this Summer). Take some time to watch it, and spread the word about IAVA, especially it you know an veteran of Iraq or Afghanistan Vet.(via IAVAVids YouTube Channel)

The Golddomedammerung: Time to put the Paul Johnson rumors to rest

The Golddomedammerung: Time to put the Paul Johnson rumors to rest

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

Notre Dame still hasn't fired Charlie Weis yet, but they can mark one name off the list for possible replacements. Paul Johnson has signed an extension with Georgia Tech. Not there was probably even a remote chance of Johnson moving, it provided Jeff Schultz and Mark Bradley of the Atlanta Journal Constitution from speculating about it. It's a one year extension for a contract now ending in 2016, but it pretty much says Johnson won't be switching from the white and gold to gold and navy blue this year.(via Georgia Tech Official Athletic Website)

NFL future hazy for Tim Tebow

NFL future hazy for Tim Tebow

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

It's probably a good thing that Tim Tebow stayed at Florida for graduate, because NFL Draft gurus aren't too hot on him. The Orlando Sentinel asked ten draft "experts" about Tebow's drafy status for 2010. None of them were quite encouraging. A lackluster performance this season (ableit a to date undefeated one) hasn't helped his chances. The experts say it won't be until events such as the Senior Bowl and the NFL Combine that Tebow's draft statue is more solidified.(via The Orlando Sentinel)

Clemson's Dabo Swinney rechristens C.J. Spiller

Clemson's Dabo Swinney rechristens C.J. Spiller "Dos Ocho"

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

No.(via The Fayetteville Observer)

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch: Mitch Albom's two cents worth

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch: Mitch Albom's two cents worth

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 20, 2009

Mitch Albom took time to chime in about Rich Rodriguez. He questions if firing Rich-Rod after two years is a good thing and wonders if creating a "revolving door policy" is a good thing at Michigan. The seriousness of the alleged workout violations is also questioned.In the end the question for Michigan is going to be if it will be how fast can it get out of the hole Rich-Rod is digging if it lets him stay for another year. Reported problems between Rodriguez Tate Forcier have led to suggestions Forcier might transfer. Self -preservation may be the most important factor in Rodriguez's reign at Michigan.(via Detroit Free Press)

The real Jay Cutler won't talk to NBC, so they should interview a fake one

The real Jay Cutler won't talk to NBC, so they should interview a fake one

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 19, 2009

It looks like Bob Costas is going to need someone outside the Chicago Bears' organization to interview. Jay Cutler, Lovie Smith, and Bears' GM Jerry Angelo have all turned down NBC's requests for on-air interviews the guy that punked Dan Patrick out of all of those Emmys.If I could be so bold as to give a substitute for Costas to have a sit down with, how about NotJayCutler, the tweeter uh..."personality" that has done a lot to destroy Kissing Suzie Kolber's image of Cutler as a grade A box of kittens? A few (almost SFW) gems of wisdom from the horses read end mouth:"A kid in a hospital asked me to throw a TD for him on Sunday. WTF, I was just there to get some Valtrex.""Thank God Jake Delhomme is playing tomorrow night. Nobody will ever mention my five picks again.""I just dared Josh Beekman to put a huge stack of Pringles in his mouth. I think he's dead.""Rex Grossman's dad is talking **** about me. Guess I can't blame him for defending his daughter.""People are saying our season is already over. If that's so, how come Lovie won't let me go to Cancun next week?""A stripper pole is so 2005. I'm going to get a mechanical bull in my crib.""There's far worse things than throwing 5 INT's and getting fined 20K all inside of 24 hours. Like, for one, being Brady Quinn...""Dude, it'd be sweet as **** if Affliction did our game jerseys."(Do you know what's really sad? I really want to see what Affliction-style NFL jerseys would look like. I suck.)"Nice pass, Orton. Did your sister teach you to throw like that?"Bob Costas interviewing the fake Jay Cutler would be a whole lot more interesting than him interviewing the real one, I can tell you that.(via Chicago Sun-Times, Kissing Suzie Kolber , Twitter )

[BLANK] YOU, MASCOT!: Smokey (the cosplay version)

[BLANK] YOU, MASCOT!: Smokey (the cosplay version)

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 19, 2009

What's that, Smokey? You didn't seriously think I wasn't going to get around to going to mock you after I went after that tablecloth wearing mutt did you? Boy, do you have another thing coming!Frosted orange colored unis. Football players getting arrested for armed robbery. Lane Kiffin and Bruce Pearl seem trying to outdo each other in embarrassing their school...Tennessee is such cornucopia of things to poke fun at, isn't it?Tennessee must not really love their cosplaying mascot. Obviously not enough to give him a name different from the real life dog. I bet that causes a lot of issues. The dog probably gets more fan mail too. At least UGA differentiates between UGA VII and Hairy Dawg.Well, I will say Smokey the costumed mascot does have one thing going for him: He looks better wearing a suit than Bruce Pearl does.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!