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[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Albert the Aligator

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Albert the Aligator

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 5, 2009

See, I told you I was going to get to Albert the Alligator, didn't I?Look, Florida. I get it. You're Florida. Florida is full of Alligators. Therefore your team nickname is the Gators. I get it. What I don't get? Why you had to go and name your furry costumed mascot Albert. You want to know why, because the dang name was already taken!Does this gentle fella ring a bell?Yep, it's Albert Alligator from Pogo. You ripped off Walt Kelly, dangit! What, nobody at Florida could come up with a more original name? Florida should be lucky Black Lantern Walt Kelly doesn't go down to Gainesville and deck your halls to Boston, Charlie.(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

The Golddomedammerung: No bowl this year?

The Golddomedammerung: No bowl this year?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 4, 2009

Fanhouse's John Walters sites a source that says Notre Dame probably will decline to go to a bowl game this year. Among the reason cited include lack of a head coach, and resource and money issues. The payouts for the bowls that would possibly even consider ND ( Little Ceasear's (Detroit) and GMAC (Birmingham, AL.)) would pay out a paltry sum of around 750,000.On the other hand, playing a bowl game in Detroit would be perfect for Notre Dame. One great disaster deserves another.(via Fanhouse)

Eli Manning confesses to writting graffitti on Jerry Jones' wall

Eli Manning confesses to writting graffitti on Jerry Jones' wall

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 4, 2009

Eli Manning has finally confessed to his act of social deviancy in the Heathen Temple to Jerry Jones' Avarice Cowboy Stadium. Signing his autograph on the wall in the visitor's locker room to be exact:Here's the catch, Eli's claiming he did it at the behest of an unnamed employee of "a locker room attendant." Is that what he calls his imaginary friend these days? He couldn't come up with a better name like Captain Tuttle? And his reaction?"Yeah, I kind of heard a few things about it,'' Manning said. "I figure they'll eventually get over it."Archie and Peyton need to have a long talk to him about this. Today writing graffiti on walls, tomorrow robbing banks. This doesn't bode well.(via ESPN.com, Deadspin)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Big Al

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Big Al

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 4, 2009

To paraphrase Dream of the Endless: "Oh, SEC. I love you. You never cease to amaze me." That goes double for the University of Alabama.Never one to let fellow in-state rival Alabamy polytechnic Auburn one-up them in an identity crisis, the Crimson Tide has an elephant named Big Al as a mascot. I guess it was kind of difficult to turn water into a costumed character (unless you count Zan from the Wonder Twins. But he was animated). Actually the Bama/elephant connection goes farther back in time to where Atlanta Journal sports writer Everett Strupper claimed that he heard an unnamed Alabama fan shout "Hold your horses, the elephants are coming." during a game against Ole Miss in 1930. So the team was occasionally nicknamed the "Red Elephants" along with the Crimson Tide.So forty-nine years later in 1979 this thing (eventually named Big Al by Alabama students) popped up at the Sugar Bowl where Bear Bryant's Alabama beat Joe Paterno's Penn State team. How they got Coach Bryant to go along with this is beyond me. I wonder if this was aOh well, it could be worse. Imagine a giant roll of toilet paper prancing around the sidelines. Or a giant box of Tide laundry detergent with legs. Or a cosplaying bear...oops. I'm gonna hear it from my Bama-loving friends now.(Apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier. And don't laugh, Gator Fan, Albert's getting his soon enough)

FOX Means conflict of intertest

FOX Means conflict of intertest

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 4, 2009

Gretchen Carlson, co-host of Fox & Friends and frequent nominee for Keith Olbermann's "Worst Person in the World" segment, interviewed Yankee great and 2009 Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year Derek Jeter Wednesday. Too bad nobody mentioned that her husband, Casey Close, is Jeter's agent. Oops! Well, like a little thing like conflict of interest has ever stopped anybody on FOX News before.The sad part is that the fawning over by Carlson probably wasn't as bad as the tongue-bath Jeter could probably expect from known Yankee apologist Olbermann. He gets enough of that from A*Rod during the season.(via It Is High, It Is Far, It is...Caught, The Huffington Post)

Mangino reaches the Point of Know Return at Kansas

Mangino reaches the Point of Know Return at Kansas

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 3, 2009

Mark Mangino's coaching career at Kansas is dust in the wind. The combination of accusations of verbal and mental attacks on his players, combined with a lackluster 5-7 record pretty much did him in. The point of no return came on the heels of accusations of physical abuse with a player accusing Mangino of an act of physical punishment that sounded like it was straight out of Full Metal Jacket than the NCAA rulebook. Needless to say things probably couldn't keep on going the way they were without it becoming an either bigger train wreck. The financial settlement will probably keep this from becoming a mess in the courts. It's too late to keep it from being a mess on campus.(via Rivals.com, KU Sports/com, EDSBS)(postscript: I'd like to thank Holly Anderson or whoever's responsible for this over at EDSBS for making me go and find this little musical gem over at YouTube. If there's a lame song from an 80's movie I'm on it like white on rice. I suck.)

Momma Stanford doesn't like Son Matthew's potty mouth

Momma Stanford doesn't like Son Matthew's potty mouth

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 3, 2009

It seems that Detroit Lions rookie qb Matthew Stafford had a problem worse than...well, that he plays for the Detroit Lions. His problem? Hess seems to have a little problem of diarrhea of the mouth. As shown in these slightly edited highlights:Needless to say, Mr. Stafford's mother, Margaret Stafford, isn't too pleased with young Matthew's use of language. "What I didn't like about it was watching the tackle again and seeing him curled up in pain," she wrote in an e-mail. "And for the record, I might have said the same thing if I had been in his situation -- but I'm still his mom and need to remind him to watch his language."If Ms. Stafford thinks that's bad she should have heard the cussing from Dawg fans when he left ditched Georgia a year early to go pro. Or better yet, what they think of appropriately named Joe Cox. And if she had to wake up every morning knowing she was contractually obligated to play for the Detroit Lions (much less having to wake up in or around Detroit almost every morning), she probably cuss a lot too.(via Detroit Free Press)

Kill this Drew Brees meme before it spreads

Kill this Drew Brees meme before it spreads

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 3, 2009

Looks like there a new meme brewing out there right now. This one involves New Orleans Saints qb Drew Brees acting rather...well, Saintly. There's a thread about this over at the comics/geek culture site The Outhouse with little gens like these:"Drew Brees will pick up the check. No worries, man.""Drew Brees isn’t mad that you crashed the car. Insurance will take care of everything. He just hopes you’re okay.""Drew Brees has heard that birthmark joke 4,567 times before. But he still laughed at it anyway.""Drew Brees is renting a speedboat this weekend. Wanna head out onto the lake with some beers?""Drew Brees dated your sister, and that was all right with you.""Drew Brees is okay with cuddling if that’s what you’d rather do.""Drew Brees wears that Affliction shirt because his brother-in-law bought it for his birthday, and he’d hate to hurt his feelings.""Drew Brees hooked your kid up with a terrific summer internship."(The bad news: It was with Mark Foley)"Drew Brees pays the toll for the guy behind him."Well, he'd better after he pulled this stunt:Sheesh, even Tim Tebow ain't this saintly. The sooner a NotDrewBrees shows up on Twitter the better. Otherwise, the sooner this undesired descendant of Chuck Norris jokes dies out the better.(via The Outhouse)

Dawgageddon: It's official: Willie Martinez out.

Dawgageddon: It's official: Willie Martinez out.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 2, 2009

It's official now, Willie Martinez is out as Georgia defensive coordinator. And when I mean official, I mean official.ATHENS, Ga. --- Contracts of three Georgia assistant football coaches will not be renewed following the 2009 season according to an announcement Wednesday by UGA head football coach Mark Richt.Defensive coordinator and secondary coach Willie Martinez, defensive co-coordinator and linebacker coach John Jancek, and defensive ends coach Jon Fabris will not return in 2010 according to Richt; however, he indicated that all three have been asked to coach through the bowl game.“I cannot express enough my thanks to all three for their contributions to our program,” said Richt. “However, in the final analysis I’m charged with providing the leadership and direction for the Georgia program and sometimes that means making difficult decisions. This was one of them.”Martinez and Fabris are members of Richt’s original staff that came in 2001. Jancek joined the Georgia staff in 2005.Martinez isn't merely toast, he's really most sincerely toast.(via ajc.com, georgiadogs.com)

Dawgageddon: Willie Martinez out(?) (UPDATED)

Dawgageddon: Willie Martinez out(?) (UPDATED)

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 2, 2009

ESPN'sJoe Schad has tweeted that Georgia has finally fired Willie Martinez.This should have been done a year ago. Georgia's annus horribilis could have easily been prevented. It doesn't stop Mark Richt from being on the hot seat. Enjoy the hubris.UPDATE: Schad's now saying: "I am hearing that Georgia is not making any announcements regarding Willie Martinez at this time. So keep in mind, no official announcement." Get your facts straight, dangit!(via Joe Schad's twitter feed)

Gee, Drew is Sharp about Notre Dame and Michigan

Gee, Drew is Sharp about Notre Dame and Michigan

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 2, 2009

Drew Sharp of the the Detroit Free Press uses his December 2 column to state the obvious; that Notre Dame and Michigan are no longer elite programs, but the Domers and Wolverine Nation don't get it. What a shocking revelation. Plus he falls in to the trap of saying that "the days of the Wolverines and the Fighting Irish annually contending for national championships are over."I gave up on saying things would "never" happen years ago when I kept seeing things that were never were supposed to happen (least in my lifetime) actually happen. Little things like the Berlin Wall falling, or the collapse of the USSR, or Apartheid ending in South Africa. The fact that a liberal African-American got elected President should be enough to make anyone reconsider use of the word "never."As for sports, Buster Douglas wasn't supposed to beat Mike Tyson, remember? Few people saw George Foreman's comeback to boxing as being as successful as it was. And how many people how many people expected to see the Florida Marlins win two World Series? Or the rise of MMA in this decade?It's easy to state the obvious about whether certain teams are elite or not.It's even easier to say that they won't come back. Either statement is tricky on its own for the person making their argument. As a combo, both statements can come back to haunt you.(via Detroit Free Press)

Dawgageddon: Georgia's bowl stock sinking despite beating Georgia Tech

Dawgageddon: Georgia's bowl stock sinking despite beating Georgia Tech

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 2, 2009

It doesn't look like beating a team in the ACC Championship is going to help Georgia go to a decent bowl game this year. While there is still a chance that Georgia could wind up as high as the Chick-fil-A Bowl in Atlanta, the Dawgs could fall as far as the ESPN-owned PapaJohns.com Bowl in Birmingham, AL on January 2, 2010. At least that's as far as Jeff Schultz says they could fall. No one's even talking about a Jan. 1 Bowl appearance.The game once called The Peach Bowl wouldn't be a bad place for Georgia to wind up, despite being pretty much in the Dawgs backyard. But it still seems a lot like kissing your sister. The Music City Bowl wouldn't be too bad, though they might go for Kentucky over Georgia. The rest? meh.Schultz points out the biggest flaw in the bowls. Teams are selected for drawing power rather than for which available teams would make the best match-ups. Add in arrangements with the conferences and the chances for great games almost go out the window. Kentucky might get the nod over Georgia because of the theory that Kentucky fans will travel better to Nashville than Georgia fans would. (Which is a shame, Dawg fans. Nashville ain't a bad place to be)Of course Georgia only has itself to blame for whatever lackluster bowl they go to. Gee, imagine where the Dawgs would be going if they actually had a competent defensive coordinator.(via ajc.com)

Joe Girardi teaching Mark Sanchez to slide

Joe Girardi teaching Mark Sanchez to slide

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 2, 2009

You know things are going bad for the New York Jets when they ask Yankees' skipper Joe Girardi to help them teach Mark Sanchez how to slide. Someone forgot to tell Rex Ryan that Girardi is a baseball coach.You know what's worse? This is what Sanchez was expecting to learn:(via The Sporting News, The Sporting Blog)

The Golddomedammerung: Get over the Navy loss already!

The Golddomedammerung: Get over the Navy loss already!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 1, 2009

There is a thread woven through the hubris that is Notre Dame's firing of Charlie Weis. It is something heard from the lowliest Domer to Notre Dame AD Jack Swarbrick: The final nail in Charlie Weis coffin was the loss to Navy. That loss seems to have more sticking power than the losses to Connecticut and Stanford that followed it. Nothing was worse than losing to Navy.Memo to Domers: Get over yourselves.Domers are acting like losing to Navy was worse than anything else on the planet. Losing to Navy is worse than your dog getting run over. It worse than your losing your job. It's worse than losing your girlfriend to the Trekkie next door.Domers act like Navy is the worst team in the world to lose to. Too bad the facts don't match up to their delusions of grandeur Navy are 8-4 so far this year. The odds are pretty good this year that will end up 9-4 after this weekend's game against Army. They'll all set to face a Big 12 opponent in the Texas Bowl in Houston on New Year's Eve.This isn't part of a trend, by the way. This will be Navy's seventh winning season in a row. Second year head football coach Ken Niumatalolo has pretty much picked up what Paul Johnson built up when he left for Georgia Tech (Yeah Domers, that Paul Johnson. The one that was allegedly on your wish list until G-Tech gave him an extension). And that's seven seasons of at least eight or more wins. Sure Navy had a long streak of insignificance before that. But that's no excuse for not giving them credit for turning things around.By the way Domers, stop treating Navy like the plague in the first place. The Midshipmen are going to school to do a job your precious little Jimmy Clausen and Golden Tate don't have the guts to do...serve their country in a time of war. Many Midshipmen have risked their lives serving their country. At least one former Navy football player was killed in action in Iraq.So Domers, man up and quit whining about losing to Navy. Do you think Florida threw a massive hissy-fit when they lost to Georgia a few years back? (Ole Miss, yes. But, that's another story) Quit acting like losing to Navy was the worst thing that could have happened to your precious little team. There's not a nobler or more honorably team that you lost to this year.(One more thing: Here's a link to the JP Blecksmith Leadership Foundation, which honors the Midshipman player I mentioned in passing.)

FSUbris

FSUbris

By Juan Cena in SWRT on December 1, 2009

The Bobby Bowden era at Florida State is all but over but the press conference. A season-long war of words over Bowden's future surrounding a 6-6 season is probably not the ending either party would have liked, but this is how it turned out."Hubris" gets a lot of use around here, but somehow with the Bowden situation it fits. Bowden probably could have retired on top years ago without anybody questioning his greatness. But his constant chasing Joe Paterno for all-time winningest FBS coach became became more of a farce as it went along. At times it seemed Bowden put the chase before what was good for the program. Keeping Jeff Bowden as offensive coordinator didn't help things either.Somehow I don't think the Jimbo Fisher era is going to last as long as the thirty-three or so year run of Bowden. He might get five years at best to turn the program around, if that.

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