Saturday, December 20, 2014 • Morning Edition • "That smell was here before we went in."
[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT!: Brutus Buckeye

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT!: Brutus Buckeye

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

I always thought cosplayers were nuts, and here's the proof: Brutus Buckeye, mascot of THE Ohio State University. What kind of college names their athletic teams after a piece of vegetation? A Buckeye? It doesn't quite strike fear into the hearts of other teams, does it? Not like a Gator or Hurricane would. But THE Ohio State University is a Midwest school, so you know how those places are.And what exactly is a buckeye, really? I have my suspicions.Look at this logo:Look more like a cannabis leaf If you ask me.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

AP college football writer Ralph D. Russo filed a story on the downward spiral of the once-proud Michigan football team. After the loss on Oct. 31 to Illinois, what looked like an rebound for the program after Rich Rodriguez's 3-9 first season has pretty much collapsed. Even with a quarterback Tate Forcier with huge upswing, the Wolverines are struggling at 5-4. With Purdue, Wisconsin and Ohio State on the horizon, things could go sideways very fast. Going 0-3 would mean second season without a bowl appearance. That's not what Michigan wanted when they hired Rodriguez.A poor record this year probably won't get Rich Rod his walking papers. However, Rodriguez is being investigated by the NCAA for violations involving alledged violations of players being overworked. If the NCAA finds some dirt that sticks, then things could change.Rodriguez is safe for now, but It's not hard to think the clock may be ticking on him.(via The Detroit Free Press)

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Day 5

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Day 5

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

The future isn't looking too good for Georgia...at least not bowl-wise. ESPN's tag team of Mark Schlabach and Bruce Feldman have chimed in on where they think which college football team goes to which bowl this year.Schlabach is the more optimistic of the two. He has the Dawgs facing Florida State in the awesomeness of the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl in Nashville on December 27. Part of me feels there is a little sentimentality behind this projected match-up, with Richt facing former boss Bobby Bowden in what might be Bowden's last game. Heck, it could be Richt's last game...if he makes it. Anyhow, it would be a pale shadow of the 2003 Sugar Bowl where the two teams met, and UGA came out victorious.Think it could get worse for the Dawgs? (Outside of going nowhere, that is.) Feldman has them playing on December 28 at the Advocare V100 Independence Bowl in Shreveport, La. Oh look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Feldman has them placing Missouri, who are currently 5-3. Since I expect Georgia will be 0-2 against teams nicknamed the Tigers by the end of the season, I'll just mark them down for the hat trick and say Missouri will slam them.Of course this is all dependent on whether Georgia will be bowl eligible by then. Tennessee Tech should be easy, so expect the Dawgs to struggle mightily in that one. Then comes Kentucky, Auburn and Georgia Tech. Georgia could easily go 1-2 in that stretch.If it weren't for the times and locations, the games probably wouldn't be half bad. (Mind you, Nashville ain't a bad place to visit.) But in the bowl pecking order, both are pretty low. You just can't see the Bulldog Faithful being too pleased with either game. Plus, they might just stay at home anyway. That would be twice as embarrassing for Georgia.(via ajc.com)

Proof that Tim Tebow still isn't over that concussion yet

Proof that Tim Tebow still isn't over that concussion yet

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

From the "game" against Georgia on Oct. 31:Uh Tim, you might want to move your hand a little lower there, buddy. Unless you're really The Corinthian, and I really don't want to go think about that.(via Loser With Socks. Note:Possible NSFW material on there)

LSU-Alabama should feel bigger, but doesn't

LSU-Alabama should feel bigger, but doesn't

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

In a column dated November 3rd, Paul Finebaum compared the upcoming LSU-Alabama game to a heavyweight boxing fight. He went as far as comparing it to the classic Ali-Frazier match-ups that defined boxing's glory days of the early Seventies. The problem is that the analogy doesn't quite fit.The Ali-Frazier fights were main events. LSU-'Bama feels more like an under card, with the winner going on to get a title shot against the title holder (Florida). Maybe if LSU was 8-0 and victorious over Florida things probably would be different. But they didn't. So now all there's left is a (slim) chance at a rematch by beating Alabama. For the Tide, on the other hand, it's really the only big hurdle between them and the SEC Championship Game against the Gators.If anything, LSU-Alabama feels more like a modern day heavyweight boxing fight. Its there, but there's no real buzz. It may be all that stands between The Tide sewing up the SEC West, but it just doesn't feel like it should be bigger than it is.(via al.com)

A BCS USC-Notre Dame rematch? Please kill Me now

A BCS USC-Notre Dame rematch? Please kill Me now

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

It's the dawn of November, and the college football season is slowly slouching toward the increasing silliness known as Bowl Season. You'll be seeing various online and offline outlets giving their predictions for which teams go where and which teams get shafted out of the BCS. And a few are starting to give very Freudian nightmare scenarios of what the BCS could be ringing in the next decade of the 21st century with.(Yeah, I know what you're thinking. The next decade doesn't start until Jan. 1, 2011. To quote Fox Mulder: "Nobody likes a math geek, Scully.")Gazetteonline's Scott Dochterman give us this happy projection: Alabama vs. Texas in the BCS, Georgia Tech vs. TCU in the Orange Bowl, Iowa vs. Oregon in the Rose Bowl, Florida vs. Cincinnati in the Sugar Bowl, and a USC-Notre Dame rematch in the Fiesta Bowl.Yep, you heard me. USC vs. Notre Dame, round deux in a BCS bowl.Please kill me now.Could there be a worse game than this? Of all the possible end of the year scenarios this is what could happen? A Florida-Alabama rematch in the BCS (alleged)Championship Game I could handle. But seeing the Trojans face the Irish again? That's the best they could do?Would the Fiesta Bowl really take the Irish over a team like Boise State? USC vs. Boise State would be huge,if only because it would be the ultimate put up or shut up game for the small conference schools. Imagine what would happen if Boise St. beat USC, the BCS would be so embarrassed that it would at least seriously consider expanding the WAC (and maybe the Mountain West) as full time partners. That or the Pac-10 would have to get off their collective backsides and start considering expanding to snatch Boise St. and that other pesky school, Utah. (They should. Both Idaho and Utah are growing markets. It's stupid for the Pac-10 not to go there).Then again, that might be why Boise would get shut out. The BCS conferences don't want to do that. Their goal is self-preservation, not expansion. Which is annoying. The BCS conferences and schools should be working harder to expand their market for college football. Instead they act provincial and fail to be forward thinking. If more college and university presidents came out of a business or business school background as opposed to being from the liberal arts and humanities side, maybe things would be different.The best hope for this USC-ND rematch scenario to be squashed would be for the Irish to choke somewhere down the line this season. Barring that, the Orange Bowl reportedly gets first pick this year, and it could sure use Notre Dame as an opponent for whatever ACC school wins that conference's championship. Notre Dame vs. Georgia Tech, or Clemson would be a swell game. The trick here is if Boston College somehow manages to win. And they the Irish already beat them this season.USC vs. Notre Dame is the absolute worst thing that could happen to the BCS this year. Hopefully logic will prevail and it doesn't happen. Sadly logic has never been part of the BCS formula, and it probably wont start now.(via Gazetteonline)

Mark Richt Hubris Watch:Day Four

Mark Richt Hubris Watch:Day Four

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

The latest news out of Butts-Meare is not good. Mark Richt has declared that appropriately named Joe Cox will continue as starting quarterback for the Georgia Bulldogs Surrender Monkeys. Richt says that Cox "gives us the best chance to win."SWRT college football analyst C-3PO gives his view on Richt's announcement:And on the "Things to pay close attention to department": FSU defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews may be leaving FSU at the end of this season. Possible replacement for Willie Martinez, perhaps? Andrews had a working relationship with Richt at FSU (professional, not like Jim and Pam, you perverts!), so he might be an obvious candidate to replace Willie Martinez. But with FSU's record in the past few years it's kind of hard to tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing.UPDATE: Andrews has announced he will be retiring at the end of the year. It looks like having him replace Martinez at UGA may be out of the question. Then again, some of these retirements don't last long (right, Brett?)(via ajc.com, EDSBS)

Not done with Herbie Husker just yet

Not done with Herbie Husker just yet

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

While in the process of writing yesterday's "[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT!" on Herbie Husker I found this little uh, masterpiece on YouTube:Please note the inherent lameness of the theme song. Sadly there's more of these little gems too (well, there more like Austrian crystal):That last one kind of symbolizes Nebraska football in the past few years, doesn't it?

Dwight Howard was made for lovin' you baby

Dwight Howard was made for lovin' you baby

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

Matt Humphrey of The Orlando Sentinel decided to turn Dwight Howard into all four original members of KISS.This one is so photoshopped, but what the heck. I kind of wish he had thrown in some other players on the Magic roster into the mix. Admit it, you've always wanted so see what Vince Carter looked like painted up as Gene Simmons, haven't you? Or J.J. Reddick as Ace Frehley? Or Stan Van Gundy as Peter Criss? Oh the possibilities are endless. Just as long as none of them try to sing, or rap (Yeah, Dookie Boy, we're talking about you).(via The Orlando Sentinel)UPDATE: The title got changed. Deal with it.

Someone give Manu Ginobili a cheeseburger

Someone give Manu Ginobili a cheeseburger

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

Here's the least shocking result of San Antonio Spurs' guard Manu Ginobili's epic smackdown of a bat during Saturday nights game against the Sacramento Kings: PETA's p.o.ed.Here's the quote from PETA nutjobmember Amanda Schinke: The NBA should go ahead and name Ginobili Player of the Year. That or give him a good steak dinner.. To bludgeon a 4-ounce animal to death, it takes either a small man or a totally unthinking one—with no respect or consideration for lives humbler than his own. This is a time when athletes in particular need to be on their best behavior around any animal and show that they have brains and a heart, not just reactionary brawn. Bats always try to avoid contact with humans, and there are plenty of easy ways to keep bats out of a basketball arena (or your home). We hope that the next time someone’s life is on the line, Manu Ginobili will take just a few seconds to think before he acts. The NBA should go ahead and name Ginobili Player of the Year. That or give him a good steak dinner. There has to be at least one good Brazilian steakhouse in San Antonio. There's a couple of Ruths Chris Steak Houses down there according to their website. At least take him to Whataburger.

The honest truth about alternate unis

The honest truth about alternate unis

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 2, 2009

Tennessee wore black jerseys in a victory this weekend. Georgia wore black helmets and black pants in their annual de-pantsing by Florida. Guess team is getting the flack for their alteration from their traditional colors.Tony Barnhart declared that "Georgia should never, EVER, EVER wear black helmets, black jerseys, or black pants again" in a column on ajc.com. I don't think he was crazy about the deviation from the norm there. If they had won, what do you think his feelings about those helmets would be.Alternate unis aren't the reason the Vols won and the Dawgs didn't. It has a lot to do with the fact that Monte Kiffin was forgotten more things about being a defense coordinator than Willie Martinez has ever learned. Heck, Monte probably knows more about coaching than his son Lane the Vols head coach does.Can we just be honest about the rash of alternate unis in the past few years? It has more to do with merchandising that winning. If Georgia had somehow beat the Gators wearing those black helmets the companies who make replica helmets and mini helmets would be working overtime to meet the demand from the Bulldog Nation faithful. Same with those infamous black jerseys. Despite getting creamed by Alabama you can still find them online for sale.Why do you think Nike has helped Oregon come up with so many uniform variations? So Nike can sell them, that's why. South Carolina and Maryland are wearing unis that incorporate a digital camouflage pattern to honor veterans and help promote/raise money for the Wounded Warrior Project.Why do you think the NFL decided to celebrate the 50th anniversary of the AFL with retro uniforms? They can make money from sales from retro jerseys and apparel with old school logos. Heck, they could probably make money selling the Denver Broncos' retro vertical striped socks if they wanted to. (Emo kids will wear anything).Whatever anybody says about why alternate unis happen it's really because of one reason: to make money. It's nothing to get to emotional about.(photo via Dr. Saturday)

Mark Richt firing watch-Day three

Mark Richt firing watch-Day three

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 2, 2009

Look, nobody wants to see Mark Richt canned. But the sad truth is that things at Georgia are decaying at a rapid pace. This at a time when Urban Meyer and the Gators reign supreme at Florida, and the two headed monster known as Lane and Monte Kiffin are making waves in Knoxville.Richt will probably not be gone this year. But by the end of 2010, things could be different if the steady state of decline continues. Chris Low of ESPN sums it up pretty good:Nobody’s claiming that Georgia’s program is in the tank, because the Bulldogs aren’t. But they’re also not what they once were under Mark Richt, who has some decisions to make at the end of the season there are becoming less and less difficult as the losses mount. Richt greeted the media Saturday following the 41-17 loss to Florida by saying, “Well, here we are again.” Where the Bulldogs are is on the outside looking in at the elite programs in this conference, which only a few years ago would sounded preposterous if somebody would have alleged as much. Let’s face it. The defense is in shambles. When’s the last time the Bulldogs have stopped anybody in a game that counts? They’ve given up 37 or more points nine times in their last 17 games dating back to last season. And the penalties are just as disturbing. Richt deserves every chance to fix this, but he’ll probably only get one chance to get it right.Richt does deserve a chance to right the ship, but as long as he continues to back Willie Martinez as defense coordinator things are not going to change. And unless Damon Evans finds where his backbone is he might not have the guts to fire Martinez himself. (Evans' backbone is probably somewhere in Dr. EvilAdams' desk drawer)There might not be major changes this week with Tennessee Tech coming to Athens. But massive retooling needs to be done to even think of saving face in games with Kentucky, Auburn and Georgia Tech (I can't believe I'm writing that either). Kentucky's defense is responsible for Tim Tebow's concussion. Imagine what will happen to Joe Cox's head in that game. Somebody just might go Mortal Kombat on him.Major changes need to be made. Richt needs to start making them soon.

[BLEEP] YOU MASCOT: Herbie Husker

[BLEEP] YOU MASCOT: Herbie Husker

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 2, 2009

You know, it's one thing for a human to dress up in a cartoonish animal suit and roam the sidelines of sporting event. It's a complete other thing for a human being to dress up in a human costume and do the same thing. Herbie Husker? Are you serious?Doesn't he look spiffy in that outfit? I hear Nebraska changed it from a pair of overalls because they felt this better reflected what modern day farm workers wear. That and he looked like a total goober. Yeah, this outfit is better. It says "my school is boring as crap" louder than the recent play of The Nebraska Cornhuskers has in recent years. Now it doesn't even make news when Texas Tech beats them.I really worry about people who dress in human costumes. There is always that creepy feeling in the back of mind that one of these folks would want to wear me as their preferred article of clothing, and prance around like Buffalo Bill in Silence of the Lambs. Maybe that being a little too paranoid, but with cosplayers you can never tell.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Apparently Fedor Emelianenko likes...The Chicago NFL team

Apparently Fedor Emelianenko likes...The Chicago NFL team

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 1, 2009

Here's a photo courtesy of Cagewriter featuring Fedor Emelianenko at Soldier Field for Sunday's Chicago win against the team impersonating the Cleveland Browns with the mascot of that Chicago's NFL franchise.There's an obvious joke here, but I'm not going to be the one to make it.(via Cagewriter)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT: Harry the Hawk

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT: Harry the Hawk

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 1, 2009

I was going to wait a couple a days before I did another one of these, but dangit! Mr. Harry the Hawk here forced my hand. It's the first time in SWRT history that I've gone after a pro mascot, and trust me, its for a real good reason. But before that...Hey Harry; are you really a Hawk? Are you even a bird. It's kind of hard to tell here from this picture. It looks like you have wings and tail feathers, but your head doesn't look too hawk-like there. You look more like a snapping turtle, if I can be brutally honest. Or maybe its one of those other critters from Super MarioBros. And your armswings make you look more like the limbs of some kind of mutant red tiger or something. All together, you're something that looks like something out of a bad game of Dungeons & Dragons.I shouldn't complain too much. I mean its one thing for a college student to dress up as a lame funny animal mascot for a scholarship. Its a complete other thing to turn cosplaying into a full time paying gig. And you've obviously done that, Harry. You're being paid to be a furry. Whether that's something to write home about it another matter.But back to the reason for today's grievance. For Halloween, you and the Atlanta Hawks' A-Town dancers decided to do a little routine for Halloween. So what did y'all come up with?A freaking Thriller dance routine:Black Lantern Michael Jackson is not amused.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)(via Ball Don't Lie)

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!