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Your  Ricky Stanzi

Your Ricky Stanzi "America, love it or leave it!" moment of the day

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 12, 2010

(In honor of Iowa mega-patriot Ricky Stanzi, SWRT presents this moment of what makes America great.)Back in 1986, in the short-lived UWF, there was a dirty commie Russian wrestler named Kortsia Korchenko was pulling the dirty commie stunt of covering his defeated opponents with the flag of the USSR. UWF Commissioner Cowboy Bill Watts finally got fed up with the vulgar display and went down to the ring to confront Korchenko and his dirty traitor manager "Hot Stuff" Eddie Gilbert. The other members of Gilbert's stable, the Blade Runners (Sting and Rock aka the future Ultimate Warrior) came down to the ring. Then Steve "Dr. Death" Williams came down to protect Watts' back. Fun ensues.

Expansion madness: The SEC should be American Idol, not The Celebrity Apprentice

Expansion madness: The SEC should be American Idol, not The Celebrity Apprentice

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 11, 2010

While Texas A&M's fellow Big 12 South schools are heading out west towards the Pac-10, the Aggies seem to be more interested looking eastward at the SEC. Although chances are that it will eventually end up dragging its tail behind Texas to the Pac-10 (as usual). This does show the dilemma the SEC faces in which direction in this chaotic era of conference expansion and collapse.Expansion for the SEC would truly mean expansion for expansion's sake, and not for any pressing need to fill a glaring hole or two. It has a championship game and an automatic BCS berth, so there are no pressing needs other than for increasing revenue. The needs for the SEC to expand seem to fall on mere keeping up with the Joneses than it does with any particular fiscal or structural need.In the current twelve member configuration the SEC may be almost perfect. The SEC contains almost every significant historical college football program in the South, with maybe two or three exceptions (Georgia Tech, Clemson, and FSU, if they must be named). Baring those schools and few nouveau riché programs (Miami, Virginia Tech), there aren't any true major programs in the South who aren't already in the SEC. (Mention Virginia and Maryland and if you want to hear a chuckle.)Going after any one of those schools might be worth it for the SEC for the sake of appearances, but it doesn't do much for the conference in any reasonable fashion. With the possible exception of Virginia, none of those schools really expand the SEC anywhere that is not already in the conference's reach. Adding Miami or FSU could possibly hurt Florida in some areas when it comes to recruiting, in fact.The Aggies' desire for a spot in the SEC seems to come more from financial need and a desire for a more equitable system of revenue sharing than anything. The athletic program reportedly had to be bailed out by the school due to being $16 million in debt. (Compare this to Georgia, where the athletic department pledged the school $2 million from it's surplus this year to compensate for the school's financial issues.) Texas A&M joining the SEC would be less of a marriage of connivance, and more the government bailout of GM.Texas A&M would give the SEC a foothold in the Texas market, but not much of one. What's worse, Texas A&M might be closer to being the fourth-best team in Texas than even being the second-best, behind Texas Tech and TCU. (If you have to ask who's first, you should probably just quit reading right now.)With expansion, he SEC go into one of two directions. It could be like American Idol, going after a school with an up and coming football program, or it could be The Celebrity Apprentice, with it's batch of b-list has-beens. Texas A&M falls into the Celebrity Apprentice category. It's more Brett Michaels than Carrie Underwood.What might be best for the SEC when it comes to expansion is to go after smaller, up and coming programs. It might be better for the SEC to go after programs that are young and hungry and wanting to prove its place in the world, as opposed to established and needy, like Texas A&M and the rest of the crumbs of the Big 12.There are a couple of schools like that which could fill the SEC's needs. In Texas, there's TCU. Like Texas, it went to the BCS last year. It's a rising star in the Lone Star State, and is on the move. So is SMU, which under June Jones may be on the way from finally getting under the shadow of getting the NCAA Death Penalty. Both are in the Dallas-Ft. Worth Area, which is a bigger market than College Station can give the SEC. Plus there's the always the chance of getting to use Jerry Jones' Heathen Temple to His Own Avarice Cowboys Stadium for when Florida or Alabama comes to town.To balance it out in the east, The SEC could go for East Carolina, which would be a foothold in the North Carolina market, and more plausible than trying to raid one of the ACC's Carolina schools. That or just raid Clemson (which honestly most SEC fans would prefer to just about anything) and let the ACC have the NC monopoly.Or, if its absolutely positively necessary to add another Florida school, the SEC should look at the University of South Florida. It's small enough that it wouldn't bite into Florida's recruiting, and it would give the SEC a foothold in South Florida. Miami might look enticing, but "The U" has the problem of tripping over itself. And if really hasn't helped the ACC any.Texas A&M may look good on the surface, but its pretty much a whitewashed tomb of a program. Most of the bigger established programs the SEC would have a decent chance of raiding are just like it. The SEC might just be better off getting a school with a smaller but growing football program it can help grow, instead of an older model with a habit of breaking down.(via Dr. Saturday, Sports Day DFW, Orangebloods, Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

After Nebraska move to Big 10. Four Big 12 schools ready to bolt for Pac-10

After Nebraska move to Big 10. Four Big 12 schools ready to bolt for Pac-10

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 11, 2010

The collapse of the Big 12 seems to be upon us. With Nebraska's Board of Regents accepting an invite into the Big 10, the conference's unraveling should start to happen shortly. SB Nation reports that at least four of the Big 12 South's schools (Texas, Texas Tech, Oklahoma, and Oklahoma State) will be looking to join the Pac-10.)(via SB Nation)

Boise State joins the Mountain West, but is it enough?

Boise State joins the Mountain West, but is it enough?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 11, 2010

It look a few days longer than originally thought, but Boise State is finally joining the Mountain West Conference. The delay being caused by this week's Big 12 havoc. The Broncos will have to wait until 2011 to play as a Mountain West member.The move is part of the MWC's attempt for a BCS automatic bid. Whether it would be enough is still up in the air. With the possible collapse of the Big 12, the conference could possibly add a refugee or two from that conference. Then there's the chance that TCU or Utah could be open to poaching other conferences, which would probably put the MWC back at square one.Boise St. to the MWC may be enough for an automatic BCS bid, but adding another quality school or two would probably help its chances out.(via ESPN)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: The Day After Tommorow

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: The Day After Tommorow

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 11, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)So, what's it like after yesterday's convergence of events?Texas must listen to any offer to join the SEC. Because Tony Barnhart says so. (Mr. College Football)The SEC must go after Texas A&M. Because Team Speed Kills said so. (Team Speed Kills)Not going anywhere (at least they say they aren't). Miami and Virginia Tech athletic directors say they're sticking with the ACC. Namely because the SEC hasn't talked to them about bolting. (Team Speed Kills)Be careful what you wish for. A look what happened when the ACC expanded to add Miami, Virginia Tech, and Boston College. It seems John Lennon was right about karma. (From the Rumble Seat)Bargain basement prices (if you're basement is in Beverly Hills). The minimum amount permitted for a lifetime donation for first-time Georgia season ticket buyers has dropped to $1,500. It was $10,651 two years ago. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)Caught between a rock and a hard place. Alabama seems reserved that nothing will be done to alleviate the "opponent off-week" controversy. (al.com)Shut up, Auburn. There's not a chance Auburn will be declared 2004 BCS Champion. (Dr. Saturday)UGA reports nine secondary violations. Compared to USC, and/or Lane Kiffin, they're amateurs. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

Your Moment of Tebowness: Peter King on Tebow.

Your Moment of Tebowness: Peter King on Tebow.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

(Your Moment of Tebowness is SWRT's recurring feature on the cultural phenomenon that is His Tebowness. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?)Sports Illustrated features a Peter King written article on Tim Tebow in Denver Broncos training camp. While King gets a lot of grief on the internet for alledged slobbering over players like Brett Favre, the article is a pretty sober look at His Tebowness' progress in training camp. While Tebow has obviously impressed his coaches, it's obvious from the article that he still has a long ways to go toward being a starting QB in the NFL.(BTW, it's King's birthday too.)(via Sports Illustrated)

Expansion Madness wrapup

Expansion Madness wrapup

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

So. anything interesting happen at USC today? (ESPN)Regarding expansion, the SEC is quiet. Too quiet. Because Tony Barnhart says so. (Mr. College Football)And as the Big 10 adds Nebraska, there's a suggestion from a blogger that Michigan should be kicked out of the Big 10. Three guesses which school that blogger supports. (Eleven Warriors)What exactly is in the water in Kansas City? A Kansas City TV station sites sources saying Texas and Texas A&M are trying to get in the Big 10. Remember, the voices in your head don't count as reliable sources. Especially if it's coming out of KC. (KCTV)

What Passes for Life: Bad advice edition

What Passes for Life: Bad advice edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Would you take advice from this man? Las Vegas Weekly asked Forrest Griffin to play Dear Abby and hand out some advice. Don't take it, because you'll probably end up spending the night at Mr. Po-Po's house. (Las Vegas Weekly, via Cagewriter)"I'm waiting by the phone. Waiting for you to call me up and tell me I'm not alone." A Rutgers blog gives reasons why Rutgers should be in the Big 10. (On the Banks)Rapunzel, or Medusa? Disney's Tangled features a reimaging of the Rapunzel fairy tale featuring a Rapunzel that is in a lot of ways more similar to the newly aquired Fantastic Four character Medusa. (Ain't It Cool News)Florida Marlins' new stadium to feature aquariums in the seats behind home plate. The Marlins will probably spend more money on the fish than they do the players. (Big League Stew)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Burning questions edition

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Burning questions edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)SEC expansion? Don't hold your breath. A satirical look at how the best candidates for the SEC may, uh, not be so great looking. (Team Speed Kills)Paul Finebaum thinks the SEC should kick Arkansas and South Carolina out. Shut up, Paul. (al.com, via Arkansas Expats)"Why no soccer in the SEC?" Well, somebody had to ask. What's shocking it that it's Roll 'Bama Roll doing the asking. One would think they wouldn't care about that "other football" game thing. As for answering the question, it probably is somehow Title IX related. (Roll 'Bama Roll)Why can't Georgia Tech fill up Bobby Dodd Stadium on a regular basis? High temperatures during early games and competition with the Braves and Falcons are investigated as factors. (From the Rumble Seat)Ryan Mallett goes under the knife again. This time to replace a screw in his surgically repaired left foot. Guess it's back to the scooter for Ryan .(Sports Illustrated)And since I'm on the subject. Has anybody noticed that Ryan Mallett looks a lot like Jorhan Van der Sloot?

Expansion Madness: Colorado Buffaloes roam to the Pac-10

Expansion Madness: Colorado Buffaloes roam to the Pac-10

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

Colorado isn't waiting for the Big 12 South to decide whether they stay or abandon ship. The Buffaloes have decided to roam toward the Pac-10. Apparently the school decided that waiting for the Texas schools to make up their minds was taking too long and decided not to wait on them. That leaves five schools left on the Pac-10's wish list. They had better be careful what they wish for.Colorado and Ralphie have better be careful too, they might end up shooting their eye out over this.(via Dr. Saturday)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Nebraska's nightmare-inducing mascots worthy of the Big 10

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! Nebraska's nightmare-inducing mascots worthy of the Big 10

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

So, you think that Nebraska doesn't deserve to be in the Big 10? Or that no reason why the Cornhuskers belong with Purdue, Wisconsin, and the rest of the bunch.Where here's Exhibit A to prove you wrong: Herbie Husker.Nothing says that you're a Big 10 school like a nightmare-inducing mascot. While Herbie isn't bad as Bucky Badger or (gasp!) Purdue Pete, he certainly ranks higher on the fright-o-meter than Brutus Buckeye (and Brutus is at least a five).Of course Herbie is just part of a one-two punch when it comes to mascots.Exhibit B: Lil' Red.Inflatable mascots suck. Nightmare-inducing inflatable mascots suck worse. Especially when they do stuff like this:Still think Nebraska isn't a Big 10 school? Wait till these two enter your dreams and do their disturbing dances. You won't sleep for weeks.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

It sucks being you right now.

It sucks being you right now.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

It's beginning to looks like Lane Kiffin's chances of ever earning a title ended when he lost out to Heather Mitts in the Esquire "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament. It will be funny if Tennessee and Derek Dooley somehow manages to win the SEC championship this year.

Hammertime for USC.

Hammertime for USC.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 10, 2010

It looks like USC's Men of Troy are going to end up looking like the original men of Troy after Odysseus got through with them. ESPN reports the NCAA dropped the hammer on USC, complete with a two year postseason ban, and having to forfeit wins from the 2004 season. This is a result of the schools' handling of Reggie Bush's alleged dealings with an agent while at USC.The Los Angeles Times is reporting that USC "will lose more than 20 scholarships in football."If the reports are accurate it pretty much means USC is toast as a BCS contender for at least two years, maybe longer.(ESPN, Los Angeles Times)

What Passes for Life: Back Stabbers edition

What Passes for Life: Back Stabbers edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 9, 2010

(Cue The O'Jays)When Tom met Kobe. Do you ever Tom Brady does these things just to torture his fans in Boston? He seems to do things like this on a regular basis. He must get sadistic pleasure out of stuff like this. (WBZ)On a related front, Jay Mariotti calls Boston Celtics "Whiny." Insert irony here. (Fanhouse)Fifth Die Hard installment to be titled Die Hard 24/7. If the title reminds you of 24, it should. It seems there was actually talk of a John McClane/Jack Bauer team-up, but Keifer Sutherland wants spend more time launching a 24 movie franchise. Too bad, it would have been a total "Oh snap!" moment. (Ain't It Cool News)ESPN out of the Zone. ESPN plans to close the remaining ESPN Zone restaurants. (Deadspin)Everybody else is doing it, so why can't we? Like the Ravens, the Oakland Raiders lose time for OTA's due to rule violations. (SB Nation)

Your Moment of Tebowness: How will the Broncos use Tebow on the gridiron this season?

Your Moment of Tebowness: How will the Broncos use Tebow on the gridiron this season?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on June 9, 2010

(Your Moment of Tebowness is SWRT's recurring feature on the cultural phenomenon that is His Tebowness. Everyone else is doing it, so why can't I?)The Denver Broncos' drafting Tim Tebow in the first round sent shockwaves through the NFL. With such a high profile player being drafted higher than most in the know ever expected you could expect questions to his role on the team this upcoming season. ESPN's Bill Williamson may have a few answers."The Broncos, at the very least, probably will get Tebow involved in a few plays every game before he takes over as the full-time starter. Broncos coach Josh McDaniels said the team probably will design some packages for Tebow on a game-to-game basis. He probably will get some action in the Wildcat formation and perhaps in some red-zone packages to utilize his mobility and strength as a ball carrier."With Tebowmania reaching a crescendo possibly even bigger than ever imagined in His Tebowness' college years, it's looking like the Broncos will have to find some way of having him active on Sundays.(via ESPN)More Tebowness. Forbes has another look at "The Tebow Effect," looking at ESPN's "Tebow Tracker," prices of Tebow rookie cards, and the "Broncogator" phenomenon. (Forbes)

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