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Dallas Braden shows off his tattoo to his homies.

Dallas Braden shows off his tattoo to his homies.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 24, 2010

They said it couldn't be done, but Oakland Athletics' perfect game pitcher Dallas Braden came up with a tattoo lamer than Tyler Bray'sThat "209" is the area code of Braden's hometown of Stockton, California, where he showed it off at a local minor league baseball game. In Gothic numerals. No less. (Hmmm. Bray. Braden. I sense a pattern here)(via Deadspin)

What Passes for Life: Rock and Roll edition

What Passes for Life: Rock and Roll edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 24, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Rolling Stone's "500 Greatest Songs of All Time" edition. Yep, it's another poll of " the best songs of all time." No real surprises at the top. Bob Dylan's "Like A Rolling Stone" is Number One. The Rolling Stones' "(I Can't Get No) Satisfaction" is in second place. (Do you sense a pattern here?) The overrated "Imagine," by John Lennon is No. 3. In case you're wondering, No. 500 is "Shop Around," by Smokey Robinson and the Miracles. And "Stairway to Heaven" was No. 31.Biggest shock? Madonna's "Like a Virgin" is nowhere on the list. Neither is R.E.M.'s "The One I Love" or Simon and Garfunkel's "Mrs. Robinson," or "Ms. Jackson," by Outkast. Nothing by Pearl Jam, either. And The Smiths' "How Soon Is Now?" at No. 477 is criminally vulgar. (contactmusic.com. Plus I wasted ten bucks on the thing yesterday)NFL loses Supreme Court decision. Unanimous Supreme Court declares NFL is a group of 32 teams, not a single business entity. It pretty much means that the NFL doesn't have the kind of legalized antitrust protection that Major League Baseball has. (Yahoo! News, Deadspin)Nauseating thought of the day. The way things are going, Brett Michaels might end up on People's "25 Most Intriguing People of 2010" list. Vince Neil must be jealous. (Rolling Stone)Georges St. Pierre spars with a 275 pound NHL player. And pretty much whips him. (Cagewriter)Beware of fake Tebow jerseys. The Feds seized a shipment of counterfeit NFL jerseys, including fake Denver Broncos' Tim Tebow jerseys. (Pro Football Talk, TIMTEBLOG)What's wrong with this picture?Somebody fell asleep in Social Studies class. A lot. (Black Heart Gold Pants)

ESPN takes Tim Tebow coverage to a new level of ridiculousness

ESPN takes Tim Tebow coverage to a new level of ridiculousness

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 24, 2010

Just when you think the obsession over Tim Tebow has reached the point of total ridiculousness, it climbs to a new plateau of total ridiculousness. ESPNs newest online feature is the "Tebow Watch," which covers anything and everything about His Tebowness. Thus putting the college star and unproven NFL rookie on a level with LeBron James, who has his own "LeBron Tracker" on the site. Tracking Tebow on the web is nothing new. Dan Shanoff has been doing much of the same with his TIMTEABLOG. But such obsessiveness is new relatively new for the WWL. Slowly but surely, ESPN is becoming ESTMZN.(via Deadspin, ESPN,)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Scoreboard edition

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Scoreboard edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 23, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)Mark Ingram Jr. has scoreboard. A lot of people boast how they have "scoreboard," but Alabama's Mark Ingram Jr. can make the boast with the knowledge that he can prove it. (mlive.com, via Roll Bama Roll)That Joke Isn't Funny Anymore, Georgia Tech edition. (Cue The Smiths) Georgia Tech reaction to Heisman campaign for FSU's Christian Ponder is so last year. One hint: Kanye. (From the Rumble Seat)Alabama Gubernatorial candidate talks about cutting Nick Saban's salary, then backs down from statement. Surprise! He's an Auburn grad. (Sports By Brooks)Expansion silliness, ACC edition. A look at which teams the ACC should go after for expansion, especially if FSU and/or Miami to the SEC. Basically it's another Big East raid, but Navy and, surprisingly, Kentucky, make the list. Don't hold your breath for that last one. (The ACC and SEC Blog)John Calipari accused of witchcraft. This is obviously a joke. Sadly, there are people in Kentucky who would probably believe it (especially around Louisville). (A Sea of Blue)

What Passes for Life: Saturday hi-jinks

What Passes for Life: Saturday hi-jinks

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 22, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Danica Patrick has poor showing at Indy 500 qualifying. First she loses out to "Sexy" Lane Kiffin in the Esquire "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament, now this. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)"Hey, Joe Simpson...""Wanna go to a goat ropin? I'll pick you up at six."Dirk Nowitzki reportedly plans to opt out of contract with Dallas Mavericks. Nowitzki officially becomes the booby prize in the LaBron James sweepstakes. (ESPN)It sucks being Connecticut. The state's next US Senator may either be a) A Democrat who "embelished: his Vietnam-era military career, or b) Former WWE CEO Linda McMahon. Worse, the state gets stuck with the Yankees-Mets game on FOX tonight instead of the Red Sox-Phillies matchup. ( Yahoo! News, Sox & Dawgs)Did somebody mention something about a goat ropin?"Can I bring my sheep?"

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: SEC expansion silly talk edition

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: SEC expansion silly talk edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 22, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)The links and hi-jinks will come. But on a serious note:Keep Cheryl Beamer in your thoughts and prayers. The wife of Virginia Tech's coach Frank Beamer suffered a serious fall at the Beamer's "second home at Lake Oconee," resulting in multiple serious injuries. (Mr. College Football)Expansion silliness, raving loony SEC version. There's talk about the SEC going after Texas, Texas A&M, FSU, and Clemson. This of course comes from some radio station guy (Jimmy Hyams of WNML-AM 990 in Knoxville) siting unnamed sources. SWRT policy when it comes to this applies: The voices in your head don't count as reliable sources. (Mr. SEC, via Leather Helmet Blog)The Airing of Grievances. What the SEC does to honk off a Bulldog blogger. (Dawg Sports)Ryan Mallett shunning golf to avoid setting back his recovery process. And because golf courses won't let him ride his little scooter on the greens. (Arkansas Business.com, via Get the Picture)Sprucing up the Thrillerdome. A look at the plans to renovate Georgia Tech's Alexander Memorial Coliseum. (Go Jackets.com)Bryce Brown transfer watch. Tennessee coach Derek Dooley says he's hasn't had any communications lately with Bryce Brown on his future with the Vols. Don't keep you're hopes up. (Go Vols Xtra, via Rocky Top Talk)Duke NCAA Champion Basketball team to visit White House on May 27th. Expect the Secret Service to keep a close watch on Kyle Singler. (sports.chronicleblogs.com, via Duke Basketball Report)

Vols blogger goes Full Metal Jacket for Derek Dooley.

Vols blogger goes Full Metal Jacket for Derek Dooley.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 22, 2010

It's still a little too early to tell how the shotgun marriage of Vols Fans and Derek Dooley is doing. It'll probably take until at least after the Georgia game to see if this relationship has legs. So is with curious interest that Loser With Socks has declared its undying loyalty to Vince and Barbara's baby boy."This is my coach. There are many like him, but this Dooley is mine. My Dooley has the best hair in the SEC. He is my life. I must master him as I must master my life. My Dooley, without me, is useless. Without my Dooley, I am useless. I live free cause I am a Vol. My Dooley will defend our Judea-Christian heritage while taking on the Old Dixie Mafia that has taken control of the SEC Commissioners exalted position. My Dooley is renewing his wedding vows, the padre is going to read the GAME MAXIMS at the altar [HT Rogan-Berry]."While it's admittedly kind of hard to see Derek Dooley in the role of R. Lee Ermey, you have to admire the faith that some in the Frosted Orange Nation have put into him. It's devotion like that which might require UT to beef up security at games next season. You never know when when one of those fans turns into Private Pyle (and I don't mean Gomer).(via Loser With Socks)

What Passes for Life: Rise and Fire edition

What Passes for Life: Rise and Fire edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 21, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Gus Johnson fans rejoice! Gus Johnson named play-by-play voice for Madden NFL 11. This is a good time to remind readers that the"Facebook users for Gus Johnson calling SEC Games" Facebook group is still around(Sport Business Daily)Pac-Man Fever. If you haven't checked out Google today, the logo's been transformed into a working micro Pac-Man game, in honor of the game's 30th anniversary. It's a little hard to use with a mouse, but you can probably get better with experience. (Thanks to Trae Parker for the info)Panic on the streets of Brooklyn. Panic on the streets of Manhattan. I wonder to myself could life ever be sane again? Yankee bloggers are starting to panic over the Yanks recent troubles such as injured players and getting clobbered by the Tampa Bay Devil Rays. Panic comes complete with it's own R.E.M. parody only slightly better than the parody shenanigans around here. (Respect Jeter's Gangster, IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAIR, IT IS...caught)But while you're panicking, Yankee fans... Be sure t0 take time to order your very own musical New York YankeesTM 2009 World SeriesĀ® Championship Carousel.It looks pretty spiffy for a cheap collectible not worth the $199.95 (in five easy installments.) It plays "Take Me Out To the Ballgame." If it played "New York, New York" I might have taken the plunge for it. (IT IS HIGH, IT IS FAIR, IT IS...caught)"Hey Soul Sister, Train sucks worse than Mr. Mister..." Sorry, had to get that out of my system.Expansion silliness, Mountain West edition. It may take more than Boise St. to get the MWC an automatic BCS bid. It may take invites to Fresno St., Houston and Nevada as well. (Mountain West Connection)Egomaniac of the day. MMA fighter Josh Barnett claims "The UFC should be doing my laundry and feeding me breakfast in bed." Memo to Barnett: Dana White hates people with egos bigger than his. And he doesn't like yours, either. (Bloody Elbow)List of the Day: "Top 20 Professional Sports Leagues Which Failed Miserably (or Hilariously)." Some you know, some you don't. (Ninth Inning Blog)

"Sexy" Lane Kiffin: It's Midnight, Cinderella

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 21, 2010

It's over. "Sexy" Lane Kiffin's dreams of becoming Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive" have crashed and burned. Blame voters who voted for soccer player (and former Gator) Heather Mitts. Mitts won by a 59%-41% margin.The same thing pretty much went down for the other Cinderellas in the field. Tanith Belbin was beaten by Stacy Keibler, who will be Mitts' "Elite Eight" competition. Olivia Munn went down to Evangeline Lilly (so to speak). The only "Elite Eight" matchup worth caring about now is Candice Swanepoel vs. Brooklyn Decker.But in honor of "Sexy" Lane, SWRT leaves you with this mini-tribute.Goodbye "Sexy" LaneThough I never knew you at allYou had the grace to hold yourselfWhile those around you got eliminatedThey crawled out of the internetAnd they put you in their bracketThey set you in the tournamentAnd they gave you a "Sexy" namechorusAnd it seems to me you lived your lifeLike a Kiffin in the windNever knowing who to cling toWhen the votes came inAnd I would have liked to have known youBut I was just a bloggerYour bracket busted long beforeYour legend ever did(Apologies to Elton John and Bernie Taupin)(Via Esquire)

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Freak-out edition

Covering Dixie Like Mildew: Freak-out edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 20, 2010

(Covering Dixie Like Mildew is the SWRT roundup of SEC and ACC news)Tony Barnhart freaks out. "Mr. College Football" goes ballistic over reports the Atlanta Falcons would prefer an new open-air stadium to a dome or retractable roof stadium. The possibility of Atlanta losing the SEC Championship is at the heart of the freak-out. (Mr. College Football, via EDSBS and Team Speed Kills)But if it does...Spencer Hall advocates moving it to New Orleans. (EDSBS)Ex-Duke football players plead guilty for gun possession, get probation. If it makes Dookies feel better, all three were from Georgia. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)Golden is the color of jealousy. Is it just me, or does Boston College blog BC Interruption seem a little miffed that two Division I-AA schools will be playing a game in Gillette Stadium before the Golden Eagles do? (BC Interruption)Big 10 expansion silliness of the day. Maryland to the Big 10 talk is probably preposterous. But it does seem fitting for a conference with Gophers and Badgers to have Terrapins in it. (Testudo Times)Even Vanderbilt licensed merchandise sucks.Mr. C slippers? Do they come with a paper bag to wear over the head? (Anchor of Gold)Starting those future Tim Tebows off right. Please tell me this isn't a real product:Oh crap, it is. (EDSBS, Austin Business Journal)

Floyd Landis used PED's, claims Lance Armstrong did too

Floyd Landis used PED's, claims Lance Armstrong did too

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 20, 2010

Floyd Landis has decided to come clean about blood doping and using performance enhancing drugs. While doing so he accusing Lance Armstrong and his former coach Johan Bruyneel of getting him involved with it.Landis became infamous after winning the Tour de France in 2006, but was later stripped of the title after failing a drug test. He spent years denying his use of PED's. But now he has admitted to using them in e-mails to USA Cycling, the International Cycling Union, and the Wall Street Journal. He also reportedly accused Armstrong and other American cyclists of doping.(via SB Nation, Wall Street Journal)

Oh Snap! Moment of the Day: T-Rex edition

Oh Snap! Moment of the Day: T-Rex edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 19, 2010

Somebody dressed in a Tyrannosaurus Rex costume threw the first pitch at a Memphis Redbirds minor league baseball game.Sadly, the T-Rex did better with its mouth than some humans doing the same thing with their hands.World's greatest athletes. Meh.(via Sportress of Blogitude)

What Passes for Life: May 19th edition

What Passes for Life: May 19th edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 19, 2010

(What Passes for Life is SWRT's collection of sports and non sports related links and hi-jinks.)Happy May 19th to all the wrestling fans out there. For those who don't get the joke, WWE star Kane goes into a murderous rage when he hears anyone say May 19th. It pretty much was a gag to promote his film See No Evil, and a lame one if that. But it did have it's moments like here and here.Conference expansion won't result in a college football playoff. Because Tony Barnhart says so. (Atlanta Journal-Constitution)The first name in reporting the news last. CNN reports on that embarrassing Kobe Bryant photo shoot, a couple of weeks after it really mattered. This is why FOX News and MSNBC are kicking CNN's tail in the ratings. (Deadspin)CBS shakes things up. The Tiffany network moves Survivor to Wendsdays at 8 pm, and moves The Big Bang Theory to the Thursday 8pm slot followed by (Bleep) ... My Dad Says. Geeks and nerds are not amused. (Yahoo! News, The Outhouse)Judge dismisses Jeremy Mayfield's lawsuit against NASCAR. Not even activist judges could believe Mayfield wasn't a meth tweaker. (From the Marbles)Yankees DH Nick Johnson has wrist surgery. There's nothing worse than a Nicked Johnson, is there? (Yahoo! Sports)The catcher on the couch. Texas Rangers' catcher Jarrod Salatalamacchia sees a psychologist about why he can't throw the ball back to the pitcher. Please say this isn't all his mother's fault. (Big League Stew)Hollywood's obsession with orange and teal. An in-depth investigation as to Hollywood's obsession with orange and teal color grading explores why so many characters in the movies have Tony Kornheiser's skin tone. (Into the Abyss)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The eyes have it

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT! The eyes have it

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 19, 2010

Oh snap. The bar for Freudian nightmare inducing mascots may have just been raised. And in the original sense of the term at that. These two blokes are Wenlock and Mandeville, the newly revealed mascots for the 2012 London Olympic Games and Paralympic Games respectively. And yes, they both only have one eye. Just keep the obvious joke to yourselves, eh?(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)(via Deadspin)

Look upon Tyler Bray's back tattoo, and despair.

Look upon Tyler Bray's back tattoo, and despair.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 19, 2010

Tennessee, look upon your future, ye Vols, and despair. This is Tyler Bray, a young quarterback who may be the hope for the future of Tennessee football. This is the young man who will be walking in the footsteps of Peyton Manning. Bray may very well hold the fate Derek Dooley's career in his hands.And here's his back tattoo: Look upon his back, ye Vols, and despair.Seriously, that is quite possibly the lamest tattoo ever. Even a Smurf riding unicorn would have rated a little higher on the awesome level here.(via Friends of the Program)

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