Saturday, November 22, 2014 • Morning Edition • "Ban Herald ASAP!"
For sale: Chase Utley's skivvies. Slightly used.

For sale: Chase Utley's skivvies. Slightly used.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

Time for the "ewwwwww!" story of the day. Deadspin reports that a signed pair of Chase Utley's game-worn underwear from the 2008 World Series is up for sale on Craigslist. No word on if they're boxers, briefs, or boxer briefs. The disturbing news, however, it that they are unwashed.If you're interested in this item, you may have to compete with this "lucky" woman's boyfriend for the right to buy it.(via Deadspin)

Dawgageddon: Look out, Louisville, Zach Mettenberger may be coming to town

Dawgageddon: Look out, Louisville, Zach Mettenberger may be coming to town

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

Zach Mettenberger has pled guilty to misdemeanor sexual battery, sentenced to twelve months probation and banned from entering the Valdosta city limits for a year. And oh yeah, his was kicked off the UGA football team too. So what is he going to do with the rest of his life? Play football somewhere else it looks like.The disgraced former Georgia QB is reportedly planning upon paying a visit to Louisville later this month. If he were to transfer, he would have to sit out a year due to those pesky NCAA rules. He could start playing in 2011. Which is just in time for a scheduled Louisville matchup against UGA in Athens. Gee, what are the chances Mettenberger knows about that?(via Atlanta Journal-Constitution)

What Passes for Life: Cinco de Mayo edition

What Passes for Life: Cinco de Mayo edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

- The Future Pride of Happy Valley: Steve Consalvi, the teenager tased after running onto the field at the Phillies game Monday night, is described by his father "a real good student, heading to Penn State." JoePa must be thrilled at this news. (Black Shoe Diaries)- Kobe Bryant's embarrassing photo shoot has become a Photoshopper's dream. (Deadspin)- Hugo Weaving (The Matrix, Lord of the Rings, V for Vendetta) has been cast as the Red Skull in Captain America: The First Avenger. (The Outhouse)- Apparently nobody at ESPN has ever heard of Nick Cannon. (The Outhouse. Thanks to fieldy snuts for pointing this out.)- UFC 116 to feature Brock Lesnar vs. Shane Carwin. (Bloody Elbow)- Song That Makes Me Want to Throw Drew Magary Through a Brick Wall:"The Fear in Your Eyes," by Gwen Stacy. You've gotta hand it to a band who named themselves after Spider-Man's deceased girlfriend (the one killed by Green Goblin in the comics).

Ohio State + Glee=Unspontaneous act of embarrassment.

Ohio State + Glee=Unspontaneous act of embarrassment.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

Just when you thought the world was safe from unspontaneous breakouts of dancing after the Ole Miss "Bollywood" incident, a bunch of goobers at Ohio State have to turn around and prove you wrong.Don't these students have something better to do? Like study for finals or something? At least the Ole Miss students tried to make it look better that their little dance number was a little more of an act of spontaneous act, rather than on ornate number practiced for hours. And they used something other than the Glee soundtrack, for cryin' out loud. Here's the rule on "Don't Stop Belivin'": Get Journey of get out!(via EDSBS)

It's Always a Dummy in Philadelphia, Part Deux

It's Always a Dummy in Philadelphia, Part Deux

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

Another goober was arrested for running onto the field at Citizens Bank Park in Philadelphia Tuesday night. Sadly, this one wasn't tased like the the teenaged dweeb was. Security probably thought the clown's blubber would insulate him from the shock.Seriously though, when is MLB going to start requiring beefed up security at ball parks so this doesn't happen again? (via Big League Stew)

Dawgageddon: Mark Richt on the hot seat?

Dawgageddon: Mark Richt on the hot seat?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

Mark Richt on the "hot seat" rumors seem to be showing up more often these days. Heck, this little feature used to be called the "Mark Richt Hubris Watch," for crying out loud. Though logic finally prevailed and "Dawgageddon" became a more reasonable (and funner) title.That doesn't stop stories questioning Richt's future elsewhere. Such as this little gem from the Montgomery Advertiser.Richt is an incredible man and Christian example. But you start to wonder how much patience fans and administration will have this season if losses, personnel problems, player defections, and off-the-field incidents continue to dominate the news.Heading into this season, there's no coach in SEC on a hotter seat than Richt.The "off-the-field incidents" mentioned apparently being the Zach Mettenberger, debacle. Which wasn't even the most notorious example of a quarterback acting like a doofus in the state of Georgia this year (that Big Ben dude). Even with that and other incidents involving UGA players, the program is barely in consideration for the infamous EDSBS "Fulmer Cup." And it pales in comparison to Oregon's issues with their Insane Clown Posse.Matt Hinton over at Dr. Saturday has a more sober look at Richt's situation. he compares the situation with those of Tommy Tuberville and Phillip Fulmer, who were let go in 2008 with 5-7 records. So far, Richt hasn't had one of those. Also, Richt doesn't have the "doesn't play well with others" issues like Tuberville, or the ability to make enemies like Fulmer.A very disastrous season may cause Richt some issues. But otherwise his job is probably secure for another year or two. It would probably that a series of 7-5 or 6-6 reasons to really make things warm behind Richt's desk.(via Leather Helmet Blog, Montgomery Advertiser, Dr. Saturday)

Sports Illustrated on Ben Roethlisberger: The Hangover

Sports Illustrated on Ben Roethlisberger: The Hangover

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 4, 2010

What does Big Ben dream ofWhen he takes a little Big Ben snooze?Does he dream of how he screwed upGoing to Milledgeville for a few brews.Don't you worry your little scruffy headYou're suspended for six games, you may only be out four instead.Then you'll return to the Gold and BlackAnd your teammates will pretend they're glad you're back.Ben, Ben, Oh Ben , Benji, Benji, Ben, Ben.But if you're caught again with your pants downThen you're **** out of luck.(Apologies to Ed Helms)(via Deadspin)

¡Bueno Cinco de Mayo!

¡Bueno Cinco de Mayo!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 5, 2010

¡Bueno Cinco de Mayo! To all of SWRT's readers. Here's a little musical treat for you to celebrate the day with.Nothing says Cinco de Mayo like a Celtic punk rock band.

Athletes and photo shoots don't mix: FIFA World Cup Edition

Athletes and photo shoots don't mix: FIFA World Cup Edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 4, 2010

The 2010 FIFA World Cup is coming up. And what better way to promote than to have soccer players strip down to their nationally themed skivvies for a Vanity Fair photo shoot with Annie Leibovitz ? Because nothing says the love for your country like skidmarks, right?The man in the star-spangled boxed briefs is US Soccer Team member Landon Donovan, in case you didn't know. Leibovitz made him look especially dorky with the do-rag on his head. Why does she hate America?The feeling must be mutual, since the magazine decided to place Cristiano Ronaldo (Portugal) and Didier Drogba (Ivory Coast) on the cover instead of any American players.Way to root for the home team, Vanity Fair.(via SB Nation, Vanity Fair)

Dustin Pedroia is the anti-Tim Tebow

Dustin Pedroia is the anti-Tim Tebow

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 4, 2010

It has not been the best of times for the Boston Red Sox. But after the embarrassment of losing three straight to the Baltimore Orioles, the Sox came back last night with a 17-8 drubbing of the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim, including an impressive over the Green Monster homer from Dustin Pedroia. After the game, Pedroia took time to give the suffering "fans of New England" a rousing speech of hope and inspiration.“Everybody can be [expletive] happy when you’re [expletive] 30-1, but what is everybody going to do when we’re 12-14? Are you going to show up to work the next day and write an [expletive] story? Hell no. You’re going to write the best story of your life. We’re going to try and play the best [expletive] game of our life tomorrow. That’s what you’ve got to do when you’re 12-14. Don’t put your head down and mope. Grind it out. You believe. That’s what we’re built on.”John Henry and Theo Epstein need to go ahead and engrave Pedroia's speech on a plaque and place it at the entrance of Fenway Park so it can inspire future generations of Red Sox players and fans, just like Florida did with Tim Tebow's immortal speech. Pedroia's speech has to at least be on a par with it. (via Big League Stew, WEEI)

What Passes for Life: American Idiot edition

What Passes for Life: American Idiot edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 4, 2010

- A teenager was tased last night for being on a baseball field when he didn't belong there. Sadly, it wasn't Justin Beiber. (Big League Stew)- In related idiot news, a man was arrested for threatening to blow up the WWE headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut. He was upset that WWE had released Mickie James. (Wrestle Scoop)- And for the trifecta: The Broadway version of Green Day's American Idiot recieved a Tony Award nomination for Best Musical. This symbolizes either the apex of collapse of the traditional American musical tradition. Or both. (Yahoo! News)-Vinny Del Negro is an ex-Bulls coach. (Yahoo! Sports)- Is Jeff Gordon really being compared to Charlie Brown. I might compare Gordon and Jimmie Johnson to Peppermint Patty and Marcie sometimes, but never to Good Ol' Charlie Brown. (From the Marbles)- Oh well. Since I already went there:- Expansion hysterical hyphothetical of the day: Arkansas rejoining its old SWC brethren in the Big 12. (Dr. Saturday)- List of the Day: "The 6 Greatest Movie Villains We Just Forgot About." (Uproxx)

It's always a dummy in Philadelphia

It's always a dummy in Philadelphia

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 3, 2010

Here's the winner of the "Goober of the Day" contest. A Philadelphia Phillies fan ran onto the Citizen's Bank Park field during Monday night's game against St. Louis. Security saw nothing funny about it and tased him.No word yet on who the genius is. Though it'd be funny if it turns out to be out to be the boyfriend of the girl holding the Chase Utley sign from last night. Now that would be awkward.(via SB Nation, The 700 Level)

Is Lane Kiffing starting to take this

Is Lane Kiffing starting to take this "Sexiest Woman Alive" thing seriously?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 3, 2010

There are only two days left in Round Two of Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament. Standings have been updated, but there's no big changes top report. Lane Kiffin is still beating Danica Patrick in their match-up. It looks like Kiffin will now easily make it into the Sweet Sixteen and a probably face-off with US soccer player Heather Mitts.Meanwhile, it look like Kiffin is starting to take this whole thing seriously. He posted on his Twitter account today that he was "working out with olympic 200m breaststroke gold medalist Rebecca Soni" (Apparently nobody ever told Lane that "Olympic" was supposed to be capitalized.) I'm sure that Layla Kiffin is gonna be happy to hear about this one.(via Esquire, Lane Kiffin's Twitter)

Look, I know Philadelphia is the City of Brotherly Love, but this is ridiculous.

Look, I know Philadelphia is the City of Brotherly Love, but this is ridiculous.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 3, 2010

Let's hope that that guy to her right isn't her boyfriend. For our sake and his.(via The 700 Level)

The Golddomedammerung: The fallout from the

The Golddomedammerung: The fallout from the "We Are Notre Dame" video continues.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on May 3, 2010

Notre Dame is apparently getting around to finding out who was responsible for that debacle of a music video. At least Black Heart Gold Pants is claiming it is. Needless to say this is another example of BHGP goodness.Speaking of the ND video:This should have been a Rickroll.( via Black Heart Gold Pants, EDSBS)

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!