Thursday, December 18, 2014 • Evening Edition • "Those who arrive survive. Maybe."
Jay-Z vs. David Ortiz in an Empire State of Litigation

Jay-Z vs. David Ortiz in an Empire State of Litigation

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 16, 2010

David Ortiz is having it rough out on the baseball diamond right now. And he may have it rougher in the courtroom if Jay-Z has his way. Jay-Z is suing Ortiz over claims that Ortiz's the name of Forty-Forty club, is swiped from the raper's own 40/40 clubs, located in New York City, Atlantic City, and Las Vegas. Ortiz's club located in the Dominican Republic capital of Santo Domingo.If it's true then Ortiz was foolish to think Jay-Z was going to let a Red Sox get away with stunt like that. Which part of "Empire State of Mind" did Ortiz not get? Especially the part of making "The Yankee hat more famous than a Yankee can?" You'd think Ortiz at least get a clue when Jay-Z and Alicia Keys performed the song at Yankee Stadium during the World Series last year.Memo to Ortiz: Don't mess with Jay-Z. You might find yourself buried in Yankee Stadium in the spot where that Red Sox fan tried to bury your jersey trying to curse the Yanks. (How'd that little stunt work out, by the way?)(via AP/Yahoo! Sports)

The absolute best Creed has ever sounded.

The absolute best Creed has ever sounded.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 15, 2010

(via EDSBS)

Your

Your "Sexy" Lane Kiffin update, plus other dynamic catfights

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 15, 2010

March Madness may be over, but Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament is truly the gift that keeps on giving. Especially if you're obsessed with embarrassing Lane Kiffin by trying to make sure he wins this whole dang thing. So far, Lane's ahead in Round Two against Danica Patrick. But Miss Go Daddy isn't going down without a fight. Kiffin is ahead 55%-45%, so Danica is hanging in there.In other big matchups: "The Panamanian Cricket Team" vs. Stacy Keibler: Alleged wrestler Keibler is beating the alleged cricket team 59%-41%.Matthew Stafford's Girlfriend vs. Tanith Belbin: The hot Olympic ice dancer is ahead 54%=46%.Giselle Bundchen vs. Adriana Lima: In what has to be an upset, Lima is beating Mrs. Tom Brady 73%-27%. Brooklyn Decker vs. Alessandra Ambrosio: Decker is decking Ambrosio pretty good 72%-28%. Heidi Montag vs. Olivia Munn: Not even a contest. Munn is spanking Montag 99%-1%. And trust me, I know a whole lotta geeks who'd paid to see that.

Curt Schilling irks Native American groups with board game

Curt Schilling irks Native American groups with board game

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 15, 2010

A company part-owned by Curt Schilling is developing a board game in which English colonists are pitted against Native American tribes. Titled "King Philip's War," the game is based on events in a conflict between the 1600's involving the two groups.Native American groups aren't too happy with the game's developer, MultiMan Publishing, to halt production. It may have something to do with a die players can use to generate "different combat scenarios, such as an ambush, massacre or spying."So far, Curt Schilling isn't backing down."But Schilling, who won World Series with the Arizona Diamondbacks and Boston Red Sox, said historical events should not be whitewashed for fear of offending someone. King Philip's War helped forge early American identity, even if it "clearly exposed the horrible side of humans in some cases," he said. "If everyone intent on keeping historical events stopped at content that might seem offensive, we'd lose sight of the horrific mistakes this nation, the world and the human race are capable of, and that would be a horrific thing," Schilling said in an e-mail sent through his publicist."It doesn't look like the protests will stop Schilling's company from releasing the game. I'm still waiting for the "Curt Schilling Put the Blood on the Sock" game myself.(via Yahoo! News)

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins: Creed edition

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins: Creed edition

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 15, 2010

Need more reasons to hate the Marlins not involving Jeffery Loria being a cheapskate? Well, here's a doozy for you. Scott Staph Stapp, lead singer of Creed has rewritten his song "You Will Soar" into an anthem for the Marlins. Sadly, its titled "Marlins Will Soar."At least when Prince came up with his song for the Minnesota Vikings he wrote something original, not filked one of his old tunes with sports related lyrics. Then again, Prince has forgotten more about making great music than Scott Stapp ever learned.Know what's even worse? The Marlins had Stapp sing the Star Spangled Banner during the opening day ceremonies at Land Shark Sun Life Stadium.Is this enough proof that Jeffery Loria hates America? It's about time to sic Ricky Stanzi on Loria's sorry rear end and ship him back to Montreal. (I don't care if Loria was born in New York City. He should be run out of the country all the way to Quebec. So there.)(via SB Nation, SunSentinel.com )

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Rocky Top, another anti-Kiffin song pops up

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to Rocky Top, another anti-Kiffin song pops up

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 15, 2010

(Cue the Carolina Liar)It's been quiet on Rocky Top lately. Too quiet. At least in terms of hatred towards Lane Kiffin that is. But just as it seemed it ready that the Frosted Orange Nation was ready to turn it's collected (and probably unwarranted) disdain towards Derek Dooley, along come another anti-Kiffin song.So the Vols don't like going down Memory Lane, but they keep dredging up the past. Go figure.

Dolphin reaction to Brandon Marshal trade

Dolphin reaction to Brandon Marshal trade

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 14, 2010

Here's some Dolphin reaction to the Denver Broncos trading Brandon Marshal to Miami. Apparently he's really, really happy about it.To paraphrase Ryan A. Conklin "Dolphins are like frat boys with dorsal fins"At least I think the dolphin is a he.(Thanks to GodImpulse2k1 at The Outhouse for finding this)(via Shutdown Corner , flashnews.com)

Were there really college football coach hirings  worse than Lane Kiffin's?

Were there really college football coach hirings worse than Lane Kiffin's?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 14, 2010

Dr. Saturday's Matt Hinton has come up with a list of "The worst coaching hires of the decade (non-Kiffin edition)." This was in response to a contention by The Sporting Blog's Brian Cook that "We can now confidently proclaim (Sexy Kiffin) the worst hire of the decade in college football." So Hinton has to just go ahead and prove him wrong.How bad were Hinton's choices for the list? So bad that Notre Dame's hiring of George O'Leary only makes it to the "Honorable Mention" list, at least in his view. Though O'Leary's "creative writing" on his resume certainly would count in my book. Maybe O'Leary didn't make it because Ron Zook takes up two spots for being head coach of both Florida and Illinois.Hinton's choice for Number One? Alabama's hire of Mike Price. The reign of Price as Crimson Tide coach was terminated before the season began due to that little stripper related scandal. Ed Orgeron (Ole Miss), Ron Prince (Kansas State), and Steve Kragthorpe (Louisville) also make the list.Not on the list, but probably should be: Michigan's hire Rich Rodriguez. Which is what Cook compared Tennessee's hire of Kiffin to in the first place. Though honestly the Rich Rod hire should have made the list. Expect a classic meltdown to happen in Ann Arbor this upcoming season.(via Dr. Saturday, The Sporting Blog)

Your

Your "Sexy" Lane Kiffin update: Now with Virutal Sexy Lane Kiffin

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 14, 2010

Round Two of Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament is underway. Lane Kiffin is facing Danica Patrick this round. And to break down the competition, here's the Virutal Lane Kiffin, with his wife, the Virtual Layla Kiffin.Seriously, how is Layla not in this competition. I know the jollies Esquire has with placing Lane in the brackets. But Layla seriously needs consideration for next year. Especially if Lane wins and Esquire decides not to let him defend his tiara next year.(via Esquire)

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins

More reasons to hate the Florida Marlins

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 13, 2010

Want to know how much the Florida Marlins care about their fans? The electronic scoreboard at Sun Life Stadium (aka the Stadium formerly known as Land Shark Stadium) is broken and nobody wants to put up the money to fix it. Stadium/Miami Dolphins owner Steve Ross doesn't want to pay for something used by the Marlins, and Marlins owner Jeffrey Loria is too much of a miser to pay for the repairs.So until the Marlins move into their new stadium after the 2011 season, fans are stuck with rolling displays of scores in other parts of the stadium.(via Walkoff Walk, Sun Sentinel.com)

Tim Tebow pimps video game

Tim Tebow pimps video game

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 13, 2010

Here's a trailer for EA Sports' NCAA Football 11, featuring cover boy Tim Tebow.Tebow probably doesn't have to worry about where he goes into the NFL Draft too much. Even if the pro football career is a bust he will probably have some sort of career in the media. ESPN stockpiles the kind of ex-jock media personalities like Tebow. He probably won't be hurting for money too much.(via EDSBS)

Detroit Pistons up for sale?

Detroit Pistons up for sale?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 12, 2010

Like many institutions in the Motor City, the Detroit Pistons NBA franchise has seen it's better days. The Pistons are currently 26-54 last in the Central Division. Now The Detroit Free Press reports that the team may be up for sale.The Pistons have reportedly hired Citigroup to determine the value of the franchise, the Free Press reports. The team has been owned by Karen Davidson since the death of her husband, Bill last year.“You always want a real engaged, enthusiastic owner,” she (Davidson) said at halftime of the Pistons-Celtics game at the Palace on Jan. 20. “I think that’s just the primary concern. We’re looking into the possibility of inquiring about selling it, but there’s nothing definite. According to the Free Press, Forbes assessed the teams value at around $479 million dollars.(via Detroit Free Press)

Your

Your "Sexy" Lane Kiffin update: Kiffin makes it to Round Two

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 11, 2010

Let the internet rejoice! Lane Kiffin has beaten Natalie Gulbis in Round One of Esquire's "Sexiest Woman Alive Madness" tournament. Now it's time for Round Two, which begins Monday. Kiffin will be facing Danica Patrick in Round Two, which means he's up for some stiff competition in , or at least his competition will give voters a...well, you know.The other big upset in the tournament seems to be patron geek goddess Olivia Munn's upset over Emmanuelle Chriqui. And with get-ups like Munn's Emma Frost costume it's no wonder why:(If that doesn't push this site over the 10,000 visit mark, nothing will. Thanks for those first 9,000 visits. Y'all be sure to come back now.)

The joke about Brad Stevens' age isn't funny anymore

The joke about Brad Stevens' age isn't funny anymore

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 10, 2010

In the immortal words of The Smiths "The Joke Isn't Funny Anymore." I've already heard the joke about Brad Stevens' new 12 year contract extension with Butler, and that he'll be old enough to drink by the time it's runs out at least twice now on the radio. Once was enough. . Child, please. He's 33, dangit! Is that the best "professionals can do?" Sheesh!(via The Dagger)

The Badgers don't need no steenkin' Nike

The Badgers don't need no steenkin' Nike

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 9, 2010

Sports Illustrated reports that the University of Wisconsin is severing it's business relationship with Nike due to the company's business practices in Honduras. The school wasn't happy when two Honduran factories that produced apparel for Nike were closed in January, 2009, without the employees receiving any severance pay. While the factories were not owned by Nike, the University requires "companies licensed to use its logos responsible for the actions of subcontractors." When Nike failed to address the situation in manor satisfactory to Wisconsin, the university decided to cut ties with the company.(via Sports Illustrated)

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!