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CBS hates America, shuts Gus Johnson Soundboard down.

CBS hates America, shuts Gus Johnson Soundboard down.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 2, 2010

Why does CBS hate America? Hasn't this nation done enough for the Tiffany Network, watching CSI and it's heathen offspring? And what does CBS do in return? It spits in America's face, that's what.CBS has sent the creator of the Gus Johnson Soundboard a cease and desist letter, forcing him to shut down his site. How evil can you get? Well, they did unleash Undercover Boss on America, so that may explain things. This has something to do with the minutia of copyright law or some trivial thing like that.In the meanwhile, the SWRT-generated "Facebook Users for Gus Johnson calling SEC Games" group is still around. Join the fun and help the breakout star of March Madness 2010 reach even greater heights, and show CBS that they don't know what they've got.(via Deadspin)

Ricky Stanzi vs. Joe Paterno with the fate of the Free World at stake (or something like that)

Ricky Stanzi vs. Joe Paterno with the fate of the Free World at stake (or something like that)

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 2, 2010

Black Heart Gold Pants' "Marchinfornication" tournament has almost reached its absurd conclusion. It's the "Real" Captain America" Ricky Stanzi vs. "The embodiment of all that's evil" Joe Paterno (Apparently nobody in Iowa has ever heard of Steve Spurrier. JoePa may be a communist, but everybody knows Spurrier wears that visor to hide his horns).Stanzi's got his hands full because JoePa has back up. In the sinister guise of Edward Khil (aka Trolololol guy), Trololcat, and...the Alaska Nanooks Polar Bear? I'm calling BS on that last one. There's no way the REAL Alaska Nanooks Polar Bear would EVER betray his country like JoePa has. This has to be a Skrull or something.Stanzi's got his hands full, but with the fate of America and the Free World at state nothing will stop him. Read Part One here, Part Two here, Part Three here, and Part Four here. Then do your part to save America and send JoePa back to that communist that is Happy Valley. It's a conflict of good vs. evil more interesting than anything either Grant Morrison or Geoff Johns has come up with lately.(via Black Hearts Gold Pants)

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Jerry Jones raises the Titanic

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Jerry Jones raises the Titanic

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010

Then there was the one where Jerry Jones planned to raise a chunk of the Titanic to display in The Heathen Temple to His Own Avarice Cowboys Stadium.Seriously, Does anybody think raising the Titanic is good enough for Jerry Jones? Heck no! Jerrah's ego demands things even grander than the Titanic. Jerrah's ego demands a ship bigger than the Titanic. One bigger than any ship that's ever sailed. One big enough for a football stadium. Yes, the USS Cowboy. Imagine the world's first football game on the high seas. Or better yet, the first floating Super Bowl. Sure beats using ocean liners for hotels in Jacksonville for Super Bowl XXXIX.(via SB Nation, Blue Star)

Tim Lincecum bobbleheads with real hair? Ewwwwwww!

Tim Lincecum bobbleheads with real hair? Ewwwwwww!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010

Okay, this is one that I really hope is an April Fools' Joke. Otherwise, this is absolutely the ewwwwww! story of the day. The Last Angry Fan reports that the San Francisco Giants are planning to give away 20,000 Tim Lincecum bobbleheads on July 17. They announced on Twitter that six "lucky" fans will get bobbleheads with real human hair.Like I said. Ewwwwwww!The hair, by the way isn't Lincecum's own hair. Which should sadden any Giants fan out there with their own home chemestry sets, and know how to use it to test for drug use.The Giants also announced that they'll be selling Lincecum wigs. Hopefully those won't be made of human hair.(via, Big League Stew, The Last Angry Fan)

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Chris Mortensen can no longer be trusted

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Chris Mortensen can no longer be trusted

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010

If you can't trust ESPN's Chris Mortensen, who can you trust? Well apparently you can't trust anybody anymore. Mortensen came on Atlanta radio station 680 The Fan's Buck and Kincade program, reporting that Donovan McNabb was being traded by the Philadelphia Eagles to the Buffalo Bills. Don't worry, Eagles fans, this was total BS. It was an April Fools joke on Philly native (and Eagles fan John Kincade). Oh Chris, how could you?

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: LSU's Purple Field

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: LSU's Purple Field

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010

April 1 always brings out the worst in the media. Especially on the internet. Sadly, LSUsports.net, which is the LSU athletic department's official website decided to give in to temptation today and announce that the field turf in Tiger Stadium would be purple for the 2010 season.Just to be serious for a moment, any school who actually thinks that a non-green field needs to go look at Boise State's field on an HDTV. It doesn't really look as cool in high definition.(via And the Valley Shook!, LSUsports.net)

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Al Davis IS NOT Tennessee's new AD

Unfunny April Fools Jokes: Al Davis IS NOT Tennessee's new AD

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010

Okay, even for a April Fools Day joke this defies logic. Vols in the Fall claimed that a)Derek Dooley had resigned. And b)Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton had been fired and replaced by Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis (pictured here with you-know-who).Seriously, a good April Fools joke involves something that may be somewhat plausible. Does anybody really think UT would hire Al Davis after his dealing with his ex-minion Lane Kiffin? UT hiring Phil Fulmer as AD would be be more probable. Or maybe Gene Stallings. Now that would have been rich, and gotten the Vols fanbase riled up.(via Rocky Talk Top, Vols in the Fall)

Happy April Fools Day!

Happy April Fools Day!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on April 1, 2010


Shirts Without Random Triangles: Shocker! Nike releases MVPuppets t-shirt

Shirts Without Random Triangles: Shocker! Nike releases MVPuppets t-shirt

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 31, 2010

To nobody's surprise, Nike is coming out with a t-shirt featuring the MVPuppets. The puppet avatars of Kobe Bryant and LeBron James, along with other characters from those increasingly annoying commercials can now emblazioned on an actual piece of Nike Merchandise, which is available either a)for purchase at Nike.com, or b)for free in a contest at Dime. Here's a close up, of the shirt, inspired by the "Revolution" poster featuring LeBron and other NBA players. It's the perfect gift for Terence Moore, if you ask me.(Via The Sporting Blog, Dime)

Another media voice chimes in against Dr. Evil Michael Adams

Another media voice chimes in against Dr. Evil Michael Adams

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 31, 2010

The Sporting Blog's Brian Cook joins Bob Ryan in saying that UGA president Dr. Evil Michael Adams might not be the best candidate for NCAA president.... Say what you want about Brand, but he at least seemed earnest. His major project was an academic reform push that seems at least marginally effective at publicizing and punishing schools that don't make a good faith effort at graduating 60 percent of their players. There aren't legions of incensed Indiana bloggers who spit before saying his name. There isn't a 50-page audit alleging massive financial improprieties with his name on it. At no point did 70 percent of the faculty give him a vote of no confidence. It seems like literally everyone with a stake in UGA gets that sign above without having to think about it, so what possible reason could there be to put him in charge of the NCAA?Considering that the NCAA seems less and less of an organization to oversee academic and ethical standards in college sports, and more as a big money machine disguised as a non-for-profit organization, Dr. EvilAdams might be a good choice for NCAA president. If ethics are still important to you however, he might not such a good idea.(via The Sporting Blog)

Cupid Wears Jean Shorts? Tim Tebow, the Heisman, and a marriage proposal

Cupid Wears Jean Shorts? Tim Tebow, the Heisman, and a marriage proposal

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 30, 2010

Here's a new one for the annals of embarrassing your true love into accepting your marriage proposal: Ask her at a Tim Tebow autograph signing:The lucky couple, by the way, are named on YouTube as Ian Lis and Sarah Springer. One has to wonder if Ms. Springer isn't half disappointed that Timmy wasn't the one asking her to marry him. Can't wait to see what Deadspin's semi-sacrilegious "Tim Tebow Messiah Watch" has to say about this.(via Dr. Saturday, The Huffington Post, Deadspin)

Sing along with Bill Stewart. Or: I'll take

Sing along with Bill Stewart. Or: I'll take "Places I don't want to find my school's head football c

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 29, 2010

Need a reason to root against West Virginia in the Final Four? Yeah, with the Mountaineers playing Duke that might be a little hard to do. This clip of WVU football coach Bill Stewart and a bunch of drunks in Myrtle Beach, SC might change your mind.To be perfectly honest there's nothing really wrong with "Take Me Home, Country Roads." If were West Virginia's official state song, it would probably rank high on the list of "Best State Songs." Though "Georgia On My Mind" still beats all other state songs hands down.(via EDSBS)

Ryan Newman, conspiracy spank

Ryan Newman, conspiracy spank

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 29, 2010

As you can tell from the strikeout in the headline, NASCAR driver Ryan Newman has lost his place on the Ryan list, where winners and heroes like Nolan Ryan, Matt Ryan, Ryan Braun, Ryan Conklin, etc., take their rightful place. Sadly, Newman has lost his place for being a total goober. In an interview, Newman claimed that the Apollo 11 Moon landing was faked."I'm pretty sure (the original moon landing) was fake. I watched the documentary on it, and it's pretty easy to believe. The flag was standing straight out when there's no wind up there. When they step on the surface, there should have been a big cloud because there's no atmosphere."Sadly, Newman is a graduate of Purdue. I think he must have been asleep when that was mentioned in history or something. That or his head is as empty as Purdue Pete's mascot head when not being worn.(via From the Marbles, News & Record)

Bob Ryan vs. Dr. Evil  Michael Adams

Bob Ryan vs. Dr. Evil Michael Adams

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 29, 2010

You may have noticed a little bit of a negative feeling towards UGA president Dr. Evil Michael Adams. Well those aren't unique because quite a few members of the Bulldog Nation don't like Dr. Evil Adams. This goes to his handling of events such as forcing Vince Dooley out as UGA AD, and the various scandals involving Jim Harrick and the UGA basketball team. And problems in the athletic department are just the tip of the iceberg. Despite this, Dr. Evil Adams is still considered as a prime candidate to replace the late Miles Brand as president of the NCCA.Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe thinks otherwise. He wrote a column relating various scandals, athletic and non-athletic, that have surrounded Adams' tenure as UGA president. This includes accusations for financial impropriety, and and being referred to as an “Imperial CEO.’’Ryan doesn't feel that makes Adams a good candidate for the NCAA presidency. Then again, considering how toothless and profit-minded the NCAA has become, he might be perfect for the job. And UGA supporters wouldn't mind any excuse for him t0 be an ex-president.(via Boston Globe, Athens Banner-Herald, CBS Sports.com)

What if the Final Four were the Fantastic Four?

What if the Final Four were the Fantastic Four?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on March 29, 2010

Duke. Michigan State. Butler. West Virginia. They are the 2010 Final Four.But...What if instead of the Final Four, these four teams were the personifications of Stan ("The Man") Lee and Jack ("King") Kirby's greatest creation...The Fantastic Four?Duke as...Mister FantasticIt's easy to see Mike Krzyzewski in the role of Reed Richards, the analytical leader of the FF. If he acts like he's smarter than anybody else in the room, it's because he is. Maybe Mr. Fantastic brains overshadow his not-to-be-taken lightly stretching powers. But in many ways that's how Duke is in real life, with Coach K's coaching skills overshadowing his teams playing skills at times.Michigan State as...The ThingIf there's a first rule in March Madness bracketology it has to be "Don't bet against the Izzo." Many have and their brackets look like Ben Grimm smashed right through them. The Thing can sometimes get overlooked with powerhouses like the Hulk, Thor, and Iron Man running around. In the same way Michigan State can mistakenly be written off in a field than includes Kansas, Kentucky, and Syracuse. That's always a huge mistake. Tom Izzo can rally the troops just like Ben Grimm can rally the FF with his battle cry "IT'S CLOBBERING TIME!" (Yes, that had to be in all capitals.) The Thing never gives up, and he's always ready to come after you with both fists ready to fight. Butler as...The Human TorchAh, Johnny Storm. The young hotshot who blazes a trail of glory. Okay, The Human Torch might not seem the underdog that Butler is to you, but have you ever taken a look at Johnny Storm's love life? Crystal, his first girlfriend, dumped him for the Magneto's kid Quicksilver (though they didn't know that at the time and...oh I digress too much). Then his next steady girl, Frankie Raye, dumped him for planet eating Galactus, of all people. Then he finally got lucks and married Alicia Masters, the Thing's ex-girlfriend. Only it turned out she was really a shape changing Skrull and...well, you get the picture. But as you can see the Torch does have a bit of underdog streak in him. And like the Torch, Butler can very soon find out what happens when you "Flame On!" too soon.West Virginia as...The Invisible WomanWell, somebody had to be Sue Storm Richards. I guess it sucks being West Virginia this time. But seriously, like the Invisible Woman (as she's been called since 1985. Use "The Invisible Girl" at a fanboy and see what happens) West Virginia can be taken lightly a lot of the time. Whereas the Invisible Woman's power to turn herself invisible (duh!) can seem underwhelming at times, her ability to generate force fields can sometimes be as formidable as any of the other powers of the FF. So too is West Virginia's defense, which was able to hold back even Kentucky. Doctor Doom learned about the Invisible Woman the hard way too.Imagine what the Fantastic Four would be like on the basketball court. Imagine what the Final Four could do combined against the likes of Doctor Doom or the Mole Man. The imagination just quivers at the thought.

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