Sunday, November 23, 2014 • Evening Edition • "Comics: we give a crap!"
Carl Edwards flips over Duck Mobile

Carl Edwards flips over Duck Mobile

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 24, 2009

NASCAR racer Carl Edwards went on one of those Duck Tours in Miami where tourists ride in an amphibious vehicle from the street into the water as part of promoting the final Sprint Cup race of the season at Homestead Miami Speedway . A quite natural thing for a stock car racer to do, correct? (Especially if one of your sponsors is Aflac.)Well Edwards is also famous for his back flips off the hood of his car after every victory. So guess what happened?I guess that's the reason Tony Stewart wasn't in the ESPN The Magazine's "Bodies Issue". Nice dork duck hat there at the end. I'd like to see Dale Jr. try to pull that look off. The Aflac Duck must be so proud of him right now.. Jack Roush probably had a heart attack after seeing that one. I get the feeling there's going to be some extra clauses added to Edwards' contract coming out of this one.(via From the Marbles)

Move the Jaguars to London? Hey, wait a minute...

Move the Jaguars to London? Hey, wait a minute...

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 24, 2009

David Whitley, writing for Fanhouse, has an interesting suggestion on what to do with the lowly Jacksonville Jaguars...move them to London, where the Patriots and the Buccaneers are playing this weekend.Gee, what an interesting unique concept. Why didn't somebody think of that sooner? Oh wait someone did.Michael Tunison's article is a little more forward-looking, reporting the the NFL's desire to add more games in London to the schedule, and the possibility of adding an actual franchise there. Well, they need to put the Jaguars somewhere.Great minds think alike, I guess.

The agony and the irony: Sean Salisbury sues Deadspin

The agony and the irony: Sean Salisbury sues Deadspin

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 24, 2009

The timing couldn't be better. A couple of days after Deadspin went ape-nuts with stories on ESPN employees' private lives comes word that a former ESPN employee whose history with the site has sued the site for defamation. Yep, Sean Salisbury has sued Gawker Media (Deadspin's parent company) defamation a month or so after Deadspin published a series of e-mail responses between himself and a staff member of the site. There's a John Lennon song about this somewhere, but I can't think of it at the moment. Oh wait...

The NBA's Heart-Shaped Pool of Pain.

The NBA's Heart-Shaped Pool of Pain.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 24, 2009

Break out the Joy Division. Empty the Bench has come out with it's list of "The NBA's Most Depressing Players of 2009." Leading this year's parade of sadness is Allen Iverson, whose sad slide to the Memphis Grizzlies should be a lesson in morality for players whose careers are slowly eroding. Adam Morrison and Quentin Richardson wrap up the top three on the list.Personally, I think Blake Griffin should've made the list. He goes first in the NBA Draft...to The L.A. Clippers. There's got to be a Depeche Mode song about this somewhere.( Like maybe this one?) Or maybe Charlotte Bobcats forward Vladimir Radmanovic, who the Lakers traded to get Adam Morrison? Yeah, that one got to hurt. I'll bet he's looking forward for that inevitable meeting with Morrison where Adam shows off his hard(ly)-earned NBA Championship ring.Yes, the NBA's heart-shaped pool of pain is deep as it is wide. Full of players drowning in sadness that is part misfortune, or even part self-infliction. And despite the millions they earn, they soon find that money can't sooth the pain. The best thing to do? "Just dance to Joy Division, and celebrate the irony."(via Empty the Bench)

Friday Night Freudian Nightmare: Vols fan vs. Bama Fans

Friday Night Freudian Nightmare: Vols fan vs. Bama Fans

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 23, 2009

It starts out as a jab at Alabama fans (notably Mr. J.T. Bowtie). It ends goes on to a guy wearing a silly costume with a stupid looking mask that makes him look like a catfish. (Insert Jonathan Crompton joke here). What follows features a sequence way too similar to Buffalo Bill's dancing around in his woman-skin suit in Silence of the Lambs. And it ends with some comments about people who take football rivalries way too seriously. It's probably a gonna be a little too saucy for some of you, but I decided to go ahead and embed it since he made some good points. (The Buffalo Bill dance, however, you'll have to find on your own)

Drew Magary leads the internet in slamming NFL memes

Drew Magary leads the internet in slamming NFL memes

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 23, 2009

There seems to be a meme for NFL analysts to declare that various NFL quarterbacks lead the lead the league in something other than actual statistical categories. Such as Peter King claiming that "Matt Schaub leads the NFL in normalcy." Well, Drew Magary at Deadspin decided it would be fun to give all the qb's categories to be the leaders in.Sadly, the list wasn't as mean-spirted as it could be. Though Magary does take a shot at Phillip rivers that sounds more like Kissing Suzie Kolber territory. (Deadspin, by the way, leads the internet in covering ESPN's sexual hijinks, but I really don't want to go there. But if you must... Just don't say I didn't warn you.)Though honestly, I think Magary gets it wrong in some areas. Eli Manning as the NFL leader in Innocence? Oh yeah? Then explain THIS!:Archie and Olivia raised up a little hellion, that's what they did. Eli's gonna wind up on an episode of Juvies one day. (Well, if Juvies was still in production, he would. And if Eli wasn't over 18. And...oh, nevermind!)And they get big brother Peyton wrong too. The NFL leader in Passion? Well, I guess that Magary didn't want to go with the obvious...Peyton Manning: NFL Leader in Commercials.These categories are pretty much bogus anyhow. It's trying to give some qb's something to positive to hang their hats besides being known as the NFL leader in Waiting 'Till Next Year. or worse, the NFL Leader in waiting to be replaced by Colt McCoy.

Pats-Bucs play in London. Does anybody care?

Pats-Bucs play in London. Does anybody care?

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 23, 2009

The Sporting Blog has a couple of articles on the this Sunday's match-up between The New England Patriots and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers over in London. According to one article, the game hasn't really hasn't developed any buzz here or Across the Pond.Dan Levy comments on the lack of coverage of the game in London. He claimed he could only find mention in a blog involving odds making after looking at a meager couple of sites. Well, he obviously missed this one from the BBC yesterday. Though it's more on the NFL's strategy for adding more games in London in the future. And this one from The Scotsman. And this article here on events surrounding the game for fans. And the British tabloid The Sun has an article featuring pics of...well you can guess what a British tabloid would focus on, can't you now?But generally, this game just doesn't have a lot going for it. The Bucs are 0-6 and that's probably not going to get any better Sunday.Michael Tunison's article is a little more forward-looking, reporting the the NFL's desire to add more games in London to the schedule, and the possibility of adding an actual franchise there. Well, they need to put the Jaguars somewhere.This game is pretty much off the radar for Americans. It won't even be seen in a good chunk of American homes. It's going to part of CBS's package of games this weekend, but large parts of the country will be watching regional coverage. And the ones that will are probably be watching Big Ben Roethlisberger and the Steelers vs. Brett the Cute Purple Dinosaur and the Vikings over on FOX. That game is pretty going to be getting almost total coverage across the country.

FOX hires Ozzie Guillen. Oh snap!

FOX hires Ozzie Guillen. Oh snap!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

SI.com reports FOX Sports has hired Chicago White Sox manager Ozzie Guillen for it's World Series coverage. Sadly, it's only for the pregame and post-game shows apparently. Which is sad, because Guillen on play-by-play would even make a Royals vs. Nationals World Series worth watching. And besides, he's give Joe Buck Artie Lang flashbacks. FOX might have to go from a seven second delay to a twenty second delay for this one as it is..(via Big League Stew)

Microsoft +Burger King+Japan=Mutant  Whopper

Microsoft +Burger King+Japan=Mutant Whopper

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Microsoft and Burger King are joining forces to produce an unique Whopper to celebrate the launch Windows 7 in Japan. Behold...the Windows 7 Whopper! Not one, not two, but seven beef patties stacked upon one another!I'd like to see Tony Stewart try to finish that one off.(via engadget )

Minnesota is sorry for Goldie Gopher. Goldie Gopher is even sorrier

Minnesota is sorry for Goldie Gopher. Goldie Gopher is even sorrier

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Remember Goldy Gopher, the Minnesota Golden Gophers mascot who thought it was funny to mock Penn State DE Jerome Hayes when he was praying? Well if you don't, let me help you.:Well now the University of Minnesota is apologizing about the act. Their spokesman Dan Wolter said it was "plainly a mistake." Well duh. No word on any punishment for whatever genius was wearing the gopher costume. But if it was a non-Christian guy whose prayers he was mocking he would probably be expelled by now.(via Rivals.com)

Design-a-Duck

Design-a-Duck

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Think you can do a better job with designing an Oregon Duck uniform than Nike? The Oregonian wants to help you unleash your inner Christian Siriano and design a fierce Oregon uni with it's very own "Dress the Ducks" widget.Sadly, all the combos involve designs from the current season's unis. So you're stuck with those wings on the shoulders that really look ratty. Which is a shame, because I'd like to try something like the digital camo designs that Under Armour came up for Maryland and South Carolina to promote the Wounded Warrior Project on Nov. 14. They're really snazzy looking. And I wish UA would come out with a running shoe or cross trainer with the camo on it. That would be sweet.(via EDSBS)

UFC doens't take Fedor on CBS lying down.

UFC doens't take Fedor on CBS lying down.

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

This may be the least shocking counter-programming news of the day. UFC has announced is will be showing a replay of some recent big fights on Spike to go up against the Strikeforce debut of Fedor Emelianenko on CBS on November 7. UFC Main Events will feature the UFC 102 confrontation between Randy Couture vs Antonio Rodrigo 'Minotauro' Nogueira, among other recent PPV fights. What, you thought Dana White was going to take Fedor fighting on CBS lying down? Heck, if it weren't for UFC 105 (Randy Coluture vs. Vera) being scheduled for the following weekend (Nov 14), there might have been be a live UFC fight on that night. That's just how Dana White rolls. Fedor may be The Last Emperor, but White's the Master of the (MMA) Universe.(via Fanhouse)

Fame reenactment breaks out during Phillies' fans celebration

Fame reenactment breaks out during Phillies' fans celebration

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Phillies fans are celebrating their team's return to the World Series. Maybe a little too much as it seems."I'm gonna live forever! I'm gonna learn how to...oops!"(via Deadspin)

Hold the pickle, hold the sunglasses

Hold the pickle, hold the sunglasses

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Here's Burger King's latest attempt to give it's customers Freudian nightmares (As if the Burger King himself wasn't enough):Honest to goodness Estrada sunglasses.For those who don't get the joke, well...it's just easier to explain if you saw it yourself:I've never doubted Tony Stewart's love for the Whopper, by the way. It's obvious he a huge fan of them. I can see his love for the Whopper grow almost every time I see him. Look, I'm not saying he's fat, but there's a reason why ESPN: The Magazine photographed Carl Edwards for it's Body Issue and not him.Anyhow, Burger King has actually produced some of those Estrada sunglasses and is selling them on E-Bay. If you want proof, Jay Busbee of From the Marbles fame has received a pair of these little uh, gems. The good news is that the proceeds go to Burger King's Have It Your Way Foundation, which funds scholarships and community projects. So at least the years of mental scarring these glasses physical existence cause will be going for a good cause.(via From the Marbles)

How do you spell BCS? M-O-N-E-Y

How do you spell BCS? M-O-N-E-Y

By Juan Cena in SWRT on October 22, 2009

Senator Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) wants President Obama to sic the Justice Department on the BCS, calling into question whether it violates anti-trust legislation.Look, let's just get down to what this is all about: money. Hatch is p.o'ed about the distribution of cash as least as much as he is that the Utes got punked out of the BCS championship. Here's what he said in a essay in the July 6 issue of Sports Illustrated:In addition, every team from a preferred conference automatically receives a share from an enormous pot of revenue generated by the BCS, even if they fail to win a single game. On the other hand, teams from the less-favored conferences are guaranteed to receive a much smaller share, no matter how many games they win. The numbers are staggering. Last year the Mountain West Conference had one team qualify for the BCS, Utah, as did three of the automatic-bid conferences. Yet under the BCS formula the Mountain West received $9.8 million—roughly half of what the three bigger conferences got. And despite having the nation's only other undefeated team, Boise State, the Western Athletic Conference received just $3.2 million in BCS revenue.It's pretty much stupid that the BCS doesn't try to get the WAC and Mountain West involved anyway. The Rocky Mountain states are one of the fastest growing areas in the U.S. Utah was percentage-wise the fastest growing state of the Union. The slowest growing states? Michigan, Rhode Island and (which both lost people) and Ohio. (Those are Wiki facts, but they're the best I could find) And outside Virginia, there's not a state with Big 10 or Big East in the top twenty.It's too bad the BCS isn't really run like a business. It would have brought in the Mountain West and WAC years ago to expand their market. As the BCS seems to be more of an old boy's club, it stays short-sighted when it comes to making an honest profit.

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