Sunday, February 1, 2015 • Evening Edition • "Special collector's edition 4D variant!"
Tim Lincecum's off season has already gone to pot

Tim Lincecum's off season has already gone to pot

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 5, 2009

Tim Lincecum's off season has only been about a month or so long and it's already gone to pot...literally. Seems the former Cy Young winner for the San Francisco Giants was busted for misdemeanor posssession of marijuana.According to The Colombian (I'm not making that up!) Lincecum was pulled over for speeding in his Mercedes-Benz on October 30. The report goes as follows:The speed limit there is 60 mph. The trooper pulled the Mercedes over. When the driver, Lincecum, rolled down his window, the trooper smelled marijuana. He asked Lincecum to hand it over, and Lincecum reached into his dashboard console and produced a small pouch and a pipe, Schatzel said.The amount was 3.3 grams, Schatzel said, which is considered only enough for personal use. Lincecum did not appear to be impaired behind the wheel and is not being charged with a felony crime, Schatzel said."Not unless there's something else going on," Schatzel said. "With this amount of marijuana, that's normally the way we deal with it."There's a Michael Phelps joke around here somewhere, but I can't seem to find it.The report states Lincecum is scheduled to arriagned on Nov. 23. No word when Bud Selig plans to take young Timmy back behind the woodshed.(via Deadspin, The Columbian)

Mark RIcht Hubris Watch: Day Six

Mark RIcht Hubris Watch: Day Six

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 6, 2009

What seems to be today's subject of contention about the state of Georgia football? It would seem to be the Dawgs'Surrender Monkeys' conditioning program. Bill King's Junkyard Blog at ajc.com diplomatically broaches the subject. Tony Barnhart brought up the subject yesterday. And Coaches Hot Seat Blog pretty much throws the program under the bus.At the moment Georgia has so many problems it would be hard to figure out where to start to fix them. Things will probably won't start getting fixed until the season is over. And only if Mark Richt can get his head out of the sand.(via ajc.com)

Wake Forest makes Georgia Tech change the color of their Jackets

Wake Forest makes Georgia Tech change the color of their Jackets

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 5, 2009

So much for Wreck Style. Wake Forest hasn't even played Georgia Tech yet, but they scored on them. It's being reported by wsbtv.com that Wake's punking Tech by refusing to allow the Jackets to wear white jerseys at home. There's some ACC rule that says the visiting team has to sign off on deviations from the norm like that, and The Demon Deacons said nyet.What this means is that the Bees will be wearing either gold or blue jerseys at their home game this week, depending on what the players want. Paul Johnson has nixed an all gold shirt/pants combo, saying it made the Jackets looks like "giant french fries." And if that doesn't work, I hear Mark Richt may have some black jerseys he'd like to get off his hands cheap.(via wsbtv.com)

Tom Brady on the state of Michigan football

Tom Brady on the state of Michigan football

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 5, 2009

Before the four Super Bowls, three Super Bowl Rings, Giselle, and that disturbingly homoerotic YouTube video, Tom Brady was a quarterback at Michigan. He was questioned about the recent sorry state of the team by South Florida media in a conference call related to the Patriots' upcoming game against the Dolphins Sunday."I watch Michigan every week, and I'm one of those fans bitchin' at the TV screen when we're not doing well, so hopefully we get it turned around. We haven't had a great year this year, but if we beat Ohio State, it will be a good year. That's how it works with Michigan." He went on to praise his former head coach Lloyd Carr. No mention of Rich Rodriguez, though. It's tough to say whether that's an endorsement or an indictment of Rich-Rod.(via Freep.com , SunSentinel.com)Bonus Coverage: Want to see what Sports Illustrated said about Tom Brady after the Pats drafted him? Read here.

Jordan's kid screws his team

Jordan's kid screws his team

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

The University of Central Florida is in the final year of a sponsorship deal with adidas . Final being the word emphasized in that sentence, since adidas has decided not to deal with UCF in the future. You can blame Michael Jordan's kid for that.Marcus Jordan, who plays guard for UCF decided he didn't want to wear adidas because of his dad's ties to Nike. So in a exhibition game against Saint Leo Wednesday night he wore a pair of Air Jordans. Naturally adidas wasn't amused and announced it would not have any future business dealings with the school in the future.This was a real smart move on Marcus Jordan's part. This little stunt could potentially cost his team millions in an economic downturn. I doubt this will endear him to UCF head basketball coach Kurt Speraw either. I get the feeling he might be out of a little pocket change also.I imaging Phil Knight is going to ride up on his white horse (or is that a Pegasus) and save the day with a Nike sponsorship deal for UCF. Though I almost want to see UCF punk both Marcus Jordan and his dad by signing a deal with Under Armour. Problem there is that Under Armour doesn't make basketball shoes.(via ESPN)

Reported: Braves sign Proctor and Hudson

Reported: Braves sign Proctor and Hudson

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 5, 2009

It's not official yet, but the paper formerly known as The Atlanta Journal-Constitution is reporting that the Atlanta Braves have signed reliever Scott Proctor to a one year deal for 2010. Proctor missed all of last year due to elbow surgeries.The AJC also reports that Tim Hudson, who came back from Tommy John surgery last year will re-up with the Braves three year dealRumor has it that this is who Braves' GM is eying for the closer's position:(via ajc.com)

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

Happy Guy Fawkes Day!

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 5, 2009

Remember, remember the fifth of November,The gunpowder treason and plot,I know of no reasonWhy the gunpowder treasonShould ever be forgot.

Oh Child, Please! Moment of the Day: Vols best .500 team in the country

Oh Child, Please! Moment of the Day: Vols best .500 team in the country

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

Here's possibly the stupidest thing I've heard all week. And that includes hearing Mark Richt defend Joe Cox. A blogger named Michael Silence declared that Tennessee is "the best .500 team in the country." Boy that's a stretch. The only thing that separates Tennessee from being UGA is that Tennessee beat UGA. And that's not saying much this year.(via Go Vols Xtra)

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT!: Brutus Buckeye

[BLEEP] YOU, MASCOT!: Brutus Buckeye

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

I always thought cosplayers were nuts, and here's the proof: Brutus Buckeye, mascot of THE Ohio State University. What kind of college names their athletic teams after a piece of vegetation? A Buckeye? It doesn't quite strike fear into the hearts of other teams, does it? Not like a Gator or Hurricane would. But THE Ohio State University is a Midwest school, so you know how those places are.And what exactly is a buckeye, really? I have my suspicions.Look at this logo:Look more like a cannabis leaf If you ask me.(apologies as usual to Matthew Gasteier)

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch

Rich Rodriguez Hubris Watch

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

AP college football writer Ralph D. Russo filed a story on the downward spiral of the once-proud Michigan football team. After the loss on Oct. 31 to Illinois, what looked like an rebound for the program after Rich Rodriguez's 3-9 first season has pretty much collapsed. Even with a quarterback Tate Forcier with huge upswing, the Wolverines are struggling at 5-4. With Purdue, Wisconsin and Ohio State on the horizon, things could go sideways very fast. Going 0-3 would mean second season without a bowl appearance. That's not what Michigan wanted when they hired Rodriguez.A poor record this year probably won't get Rich Rod his walking papers. However, Rodriguez is being investigated by the NCAA for violations involving alledged violations of players being overworked. If the NCAA finds some dirt that sticks, then things could change.Rodriguez is safe for now, but It's not hard to think the clock may be ticking on him.(via The Detroit Free Press)

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Day 5

Mark Richt Hubris Watch: Day 5

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

The future isn't looking too good for Georgia...at least not bowl-wise. ESPN's tag team of Mark Schlabach and Bruce Feldman have chimed in on where they think which college football team goes to which bowl this year.Schlabach is the more optimistic of the two. He has the Dawgs facing Florida State in the awesomeness of the Gaylord Hotels Music City Bowl in Nashville on December 27. Part of me feels there is a little sentimentality behind this projected match-up, with Richt facing former boss Bobby Bowden in what might be Bowden's last game. Heck, it could be Richt's last game...if he makes it. Anyhow, it would be a pale shadow of the 2003 Sugar Bowl where the two teams met, and UGA came out victorious.Think it could get worse for the Dawgs? (Outside of going nowhere, that is.) Feldman has them playing on December 28 at the Advocare V100 Independence Bowl in Shreveport, La. Oh look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Look at the vitamins falling out of the sky! Feldman has them placing Missouri, who are currently 5-3. Since I expect Georgia will be 0-2 against teams nicknamed the Tigers by the end of the season, I'll just mark them down for the hat trick and say Missouri will slam them.Of course this is all dependent on whether Georgia will be bowl eligible by then. Tennessee Tech should be easy, so expect the Dawgs to struggle mightily in that one. Then comes Kentucky, Auburn and Georgia Tech. Georgia could easily go 1-2 in that stretch.If it weren't for the times and locations, the games probably wouldn't be half bad. (Mind you, Nashville ain't a bad place to visit.) But in the bowl pecking order, both are pretty low. You just can't see the Bulldog Faithful being too pleased with either game. Plus, they might just stay at home anyway. That would be twice as embarrassing for Georgia.(via ajc.com)

Proof that Tim Tebow still isn't over that concussion yet

Proof that Tim Tebow still isn't over that concussion yet

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

From the "game" against Georgia on Oct. 31:Uh Tim, you might want to move your hand a little lower there, buddy. Unless you're really The Corinthian, and I really don't want to go think about that.(via Loser With Socks. Note:Possible NSFW material on there)

LSU-Alabama should feel bigger, but doesn't

LSU-Alabama should feel bigger, but doesn't

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

In a column dated November 3rd, Paul Finebaum compared the upcoming LSU-Alabama game to a heavyweight boxing fight. He went as far as comparing it to the classic Ali-Frazier match-ups that defined boxing's glory days of the early Seventies. The problem is that the analogy doesn't quite fit.The Ali-Frazier fights were main events. LSU-'Bama feels more like an under card, with the winner going on to get a title shot against the title holder (Florida). Maybe if LSU was 8-0 and victorious over Florida things probably would be different. But they didn't. So now all there's left is a (slim) chance at a rematch by beating Alabama. For the Tide, on the other hand, it's really the only big hurdle between them and the SEC Championship Game against the Gators.If anything, LSU-Alabama feels more like a modern day heavyweight boxing fight. Its there, but there's no real buzz. It may be all that stands between The Tide sewing up the SEC West, but it just doesn't feel like it should be bigger than it is.(via al.com)

A BCS USC-Notre Dame rematch? Please kill Me now

A BCS USC-Notre Dame rematch? Please kill Me now

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 4, 2009

It's the dawn of November, and the college football season is slowly slouching toward the increasing silliness known as Bowl Season. You'll be seeing various online and offline outlets giving their predictions for which teams go where and which teams get shafted out of the BCS. And a few are starting to give very Freudian nightmare scenarios of what the BCS could be ringing in the next decade of the 21st century with.(Yeah, I know what you're thinking. The next decade doesn't start until Jan. 1, 2011. To quote Fox Mulder: "Nobody likes a math geek, Scully.")Gazetteonline's Scott Dochterman give us this happy projection: Alabama vs. Texas in the BCS, Georgia Tech vs. TCU in the Orange Bowl, Iowa vs. Oregon in the Rose Bowl, Florida vs. Cincinnati in the Sugar Bowl, and a USC-Notre Dame rematch in the Fiesta Bowl.Yep, you heard me. USC vs. Notre Dame, round deux in a BCS bowl.Please kill me now.Could there be a worse game than this? Of all the possible end of the year scenarios this is what could happen? A Florida-Alabama rematch in the BCS (alleged)Championship Game I could handle. But seeing the Trojans face the Irish again? That's the best they could do?Would the Fiesta Bowl really take the Irish over a team like Boise State? USC vs. Boise State would be huge,if only because it would be the ultimate put up or shut up game for the small conference schools. Imagine what would happen if Boise St. beat USC, the BCS would be so embarrassed that it would at least seriously consider expanding the WAC (and maybe the Mountain West) as full time partners. That or the Pac-10 would have to get off their collective backsides and start considering expanding to snatch Boise St. and that other pesky school, Utah. (They should. Both Idaho and Utah are growing markets. It's stupid for the Pac-10 not to go there).Then again, that might be why Boise would get shut out. The BCS conferences don't want to do that. Their goal is self-preservation, not expansion. Which is annoying. The BCS conferences and schools should be working harder to expand their market for college football. Instead they act provincial and fail to be forward thinking. If more college and university presidents came out of a business or business school background as opposed to being from the liberal arts and humanities side, maybe things would be different.The best hope for this USC-ND rematch scenario to be squashed would be for the Irish to choke somewhere down the line this season. Barring that, the Orange Bowl reportedly gets first pick this year, and it could sure use Notre Dame as an opponent for whatever ACC school wins that conference's championship. Notre Dame vs. Georgia Tech, or Clemson would be a swell game. The trick here is if Boston College somehow manages to win. And they the Irish already beat them this season.USC vs. Notre Dame is the absolute worst thing that could happen to the BCS this year. Hopefully logic will prevail and it doesn't happen. Sadly logic has never been part of the BCS formula, and it probably wont start now.(via Gazetteonline)

Mark Richt Hubris Watch:Day Four

Mark Richt Hubris Watch:Day Four

By Juan Cena in SWRT on November 3, 2009

The latest news out of Butts-Meare is not good. Mark Richt has declared that appropriately named Joe Cox will continue as starting quarterback for the Georgia Bulldogs Surrender Monkeys. Richt says that Cox "gives us the best chance to win."SWRT college football analyst C-3PO gives his view on Richt's announcement:And on the "Things to pay close attention to department": FSU defensive coordinator Mickey Andrews may be leaving FSU at the end of this season. Possible replacement for Willie Martinez, perhaps? Andrews had a working relationship with Richt at FSU (professional, not like Jim and Pam, you perverts!), so he might be an obvious candidate to replace Willie Martinez. But with FSU's record in the past few years it's kind of hard to tell if that's a good thing or a bad thing.UPDATE: Andrews has announced he will be retiring at the end of the year. It looks like having him replace Martinez at UGA may be out of the question. Then again, some of these retirements don't last long (right, Brett?)(via ajc.com, EDSBS)

The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!