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Idiot's Guide Weekly: Duckthulhu Will Rise!

Written by Christian Hoffer on Saturday, February 19 2011 and posted in Columns

Idiot's Guide Weekly introduces the next Idiot's Guide Contest and gets some presidential advice from Lex Luthor!  Plus news and weekly comic reviews!


Welcome to a weekly column summarizing the good, the bad and the ugly that occurred throughout the week in comics. With fifty billion websites covering all the minutia of the comic industry and dozens of comics hitting the shelves, it's about time that someone has the stones to take it all in and regurgitate it like a mother bird to her chicks. Idiot's Guide Weekly will cover pertinent news, the best and worst comics of the week, and anything else worth mentioning in a jovial and mocking manner. So enjoy it while it's fresh: Idiot's Guide Weekly aims to please.

The News:

Top News Story of the Week: May solicitations came out this week for both of the major two publishers. Highlights for Marvel include a bevy of Fear Itself teasers and the promise of a major (and much necessary) shakeup in the X-Men franchise. DC countered with the cancellation of eight books to clear some space for the fifteen Flashpoint miniseries coming out the next month. My main issue with the DC Cancellations is that they expect me to spring for fifteen new miniseries while cancelling one that I actually read. I'm sorry, but cancelling a $3.00 book will not somehow clear budget space for fifteen new titles....unless each of the miniseries will be priced at $0.46 a piece.

mchammer
One of the Hammers Not Featured in Fear Itself...
We had a lot of Fear Itself teasers come out this week . There seems to be a theme that runs through all of these things. Although what it is, I'm not 100% sure....

Stan Lee faces allegations this week that his much mocked Guardian Project was actually a ripoff of a proposed marketing campaign featuring baseball played in the future. The accusations are half right. Stan Lee did rip off someone. Himself .







An Idiot's Guide Contest: The Fear Itself Death Pool


fearitselfcontestThis one is a pretty simple game. With Marvel's announcement that they'd be killing off a character per quarter and Matt Fraction's hint that the announcement curiously lines up with Fear Itself, which will be a three quarter event, Idiot's Guide wants to know: which character do you think will be the first to bite it in the coming months? Any Marvel character currently alive will be accepted as a potential answer. In order to play, just say (either in the thread, via PM or by email) which character do you think will die in Fear Itself and say how that character will die. IGW will accept submissions through 3/15/2011, the day before the Fear Itself event begins with Book of the Skull.

The prize will be either 1) a hardcover edition of New Avengers: Breakout signed by David Finch OR a hardcover copy of Superman: Earth One. Winner gets to choose. If no one wins, I get to keep all my comics.

Ask any and all questions in the thread!

Newton Watch: Week One

The non-poster known only as Newton is an enigma encased in a nutshell of mysteries. His reach throughout the comic book messageboards are long-reaching, but never before has anyone actually been able to pin Newton down to ask the most important questions of the day.

IGW is reaching out to Newton. Here is an email sent to his last known email address:

I am contacting you on behalf of the popular Outhouse column "Idiot's Guide Weekly". We were wondering if you'd be interested in answering a question or two about pertinent topics which will 1) increase your exposure without having to sign up for the forums and 2) bring in new readers as your many fans flock to the site to hear your words of wisdom.

Let me know your thoughts on the subject.

Sincerely,

IGW

Stay tuned for more developments.

President's Day Special: Lex Luthor Drops Some Presidential Knowledge

President's Day is Monday, February 21st. In honor of the event, Idiot's Guide reached out to a former president to give advice to the current Commander in Chief. Lex Luthor was president of the United States from 2001 to around 2004. During his reign as president, he successfully staved off an alien invasion, rebuilt Gotham City and almost beat Superman and Batman in the political action thriller known as "Superman/Batman Public Enemies ". Here's what Luthor had to say on our current president and hands out some unsolicited advice.

"President Obama,

It's been a fun two years in office, hasn't it? I'm sure by now that you've learned how stressful the job is. Whether it's bargaining nonaggression pacts with foreign planets or wiping out an entire city to begin an intergalactic war or manipulating the thousands of idiots dressed up in spandex stroking their egos by saving cats in trees, there's no such thing as an easy day on the job. Of course you know this all too well with your....well honestly, I can't really think of anything important you had to deal with. After all, an oil spill pales in comparison to a giant kryptonite asteroid threatening your planet, doesn't it?

Anyways, since you're struggling in the polls right now and are facing an election soon, let me give some advice. 1) Drop the hope and change routine. People don't want hope or progress. They want fear, they want manipulation, they want to be led around like sheep and be molded by the truly superior. 2) Shave your head. It's a proven fact that ladies love a bald man. Michelle knows what I'm talking about. 3) Do something about the illegal alien problem. My administration was toppled because I didn't take my alien problem out back and shoot him when I had the chance. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Well, Barry, best of luck to you. If you excuse me, I need to go and hunt for the dark powers of the universe and boff my robot girlfriend.

Sincerely,

LL

Lex Luthor is currently hunting for the dark powers of the universe and boffing his robot girlfriend in Action Comics.

The Comics (There Be Spoilers Below!):

Moment of the Week: Nu-Venom goes nom nom nom on Flag Smasher's arm. (Amazing Spider-Man 654.1) This was a great issue showcasing the newest variation of the Venom symbiote. Slott has not only sold me on the character, but also the new series coming out in the next month

igw72
Yup, this page is hanging on my wall right now.
Comic of the Week: Darkwing Duck #9
. This book has been consistently great for the last eight months, pleasing both old fans of the series (such as my fiancée) and new ones (such as myself). This month features the greatest villain ever: Duckthulu.

Surprise of the Week: Silver Surfer #1. This book ended up in my pull box for some reason this week. I decided to give it a shot and really enjoyed it. Pak sets up a Silver Surfer that's easy to understand and relate to while setting up an interesting cliffhanger that's never really been touched upon with the character. Should be interesting to see what happens next.

Best Character of the Week: Supergirl (in Supergirl #61). James Peaty has really embraced the character development of Kara during Jamal Igle's run and demonstrates what a three-dimensional character Supergirl can be...especially when giving a foil like Damian Wayne.

Worst Character of the Week: Weaponer of Qward (in Green Lantern Corps #57). What a sell-out. You go through the hassle of harnassing the life-force of the universe, capture your sworn enemy's daughter and go toe to toe with two intergalactic armies only to capitulate and join your enemy at the first chance you get. Principles, dude. Get some.

Other comics of note:
SHIELD #6: This book has gone from one of the most promising books of the year to one of the biggest jokes with every passing issue. Nikola Tesla has lightning powers and talks to birds. Michelangelo is a glowing eunich! Ugh. The sad thing is that I know that Hickman is a history buff which makes the book that much sadder. If George Washington pops up in the next volume shooting lasers from his eyes or Henry VIII is shown decapitating wives with retractable claws, I'm out of here.

igw71
And now we know what sort of porn Tigra likes.
Avengers Academy #9
: Is a book still considered a sleeper hit if everyone knows how good it is? Christos Gage continues to build the book with one-shot stories advancing various subplots.




Brightest Day #20: Who needs a hand when you can control zombie sharks?

Uncanny X-Force #5: I truly do not understand the draw of Deathlok. Can someone please explain why the character is supposed to be interesting at all?

Justice League #54: Is it a coincidence that the strongest issue of Robinson's run doesn't feature the Justice League at all? Also, Nightshade is apparently engaged to Nightmaster?! Weird.

Green Lantern #62: Johns relies on Mahnke's art more and more per issue to carry the story. I hope that the upcoming War of the Green Lanterns won't have the same problem.

Hello... (New Characters)

Michelangelo (in SHIELD #6): Poor guy went all glowy and lost his balls after painting the Sistine Chapel.

Dark-Crow (Justice League of America #54): Canadian Super-Mountie that says eh. I'm shocked his superpower isn't hockey related.

Duckthulu (in Darkwing Duck #9): One of two Elder Gods references for the week (the other being in JLA #54) . But obviously the duck Elder God is the cooler of the two.

Goodbye... (Dead Characters)

Fantomex's Mom (Uncanny X-Force #5): What do you call a dead blind Frenchwoman? A good start.

Everything Else (Musings and whatnot):

Green Lantern #62 hinted at the death of one of the Earth Green Lanterns. Early predictions are on John Stewart because...well, let's just say DC doesn't have the best track record with minority legacy characters.

Requests for new features or guest spots are always appreciated. Send a PM or email for more information.

Next Week: February's Comic of the Month! IGW Reviews Locke and Key! All this and More!

Written or Contributed by: BlueStreak

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About the Author - Christian Hoffer


Christian Hoffer is the exasperated Abbott to the Outhouse's Costello. When he's not yelling at the Newsroom for upsetting readers or complaining to his wife about why the Internet is stupid, he sits in his dingy business office trying to find new ways to make the site earn money. Hoffer is also the only person in history stupid enough to moderate two comic book forums at once.

 


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