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Zechs Hits It Right in the Slott

Written by Zechs on Wednesday, August 15 2012 and posted in Features
Zechs Hits It Right in the Slott

You knew this was coming the moment your eyes caught the Amazing Spider-Man #691 and the #697 solicitation. ZECHS HAS SEEN BOTH AND READ IT!! RUN!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!




(Editor's note: the following is a meant to be a fun piece written by Zechs with every intention of joking with Dan Slott about the culmination of events taking place in Amazing Spider-Man. In no way does the Outhouse claim this is SERIOUS PROFESSIONAL JOURNALISM so please do not question Zechs' journalistic integrity. Save that funk for the misogynistic Jude Terror pieces. Thank you.)

So... That Amazing Spider-Man #697 solicitation and the ending to today's Amazing Spider-Man #691... What a shocker, eh? For those innocents who wish to divert their eyes, I give them one FINAL chance before I start gabbing about the BIG REVELATION that happened today in the Spider-Man Universe.

To those who already read about the event, I bet a lot of you couldn't help but think of only one thing. With a cold sweat slowly dripping down your back, you felt that horrific thought creeping in: “ZECHS IS RIGHT!”

I know the idea can be quite chilling. BUT THAT'S THE POINT! DEEP DOWN, YOU KNOW ABOUT 98.8% of the time I do have a rational grip on story ideas and characters... That when I have an opinion of something, you know I speak the truth.

So to my biggest rival in stating said truth, Dragavon, MY DEAR DRAGAVON, who chided me and said I couldn't EVER be possibly right so many times...

To sdsichero, the man who teased me mercilessly with countless headless Kingsley jokes...

To Punchy, who can never quite wrap his head around this “C-List villain”...

To Spidey-Man, who proclaimed the identity of Hobgoblin irellevent...

To GOSD, who said I needed professional help...

To Eli Katz, who thought the Hobgoblin nothing more than a pointless rip-off of the Green Goblin...

To the rest of all those who mocked, teased and chided me for all that time, I have just THIS MESSAGE:

I WAS RIGHT!!!

I WAS RIGHT!!!

I WAS RIGHT!!!

*this part below is just for diary dead*

YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES! YES!

*deep breath*

YEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

 

I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!! I HAVE SEEN THE LIGHT!! And you know what's in that light?  I SEE  RODERICK KINGSLEY, THE ORIGINAL HOBGOBLIN AND HE IS FREAKING BACK BABY!!!

 

That's right today we learned that the supposedly dead Hobgoblin is not among the deceased but alive:

 

(SPOILER BELOW!!!)

 

 

 

 

 

With that I say to all those who supported me: spidertour2, Spidey-Man, Rockman, draco x, rdrsfn82, Silver Phoenix, rdrsfn82, and of course, that blasted RICHARDS, fieldy. Thank you all for supporting me. Plus I have to say thank you to the Amazing Spider-Man writer himself, who proved what a fanboy he truly is! Mr. Dan Slott: I KNEW THAT "Danger Zone will have secrets revealed that'll have Zechs' HEAD SPINNING” comment in our interview was the answer I had been waiting for!

What I've preached for months is that his death in Amazing Spider-Man #649 was Slott trying to pull the rug out from under me. BUT I WAS RIGHT! This WAS HIS REINTERPRETATION OF THE HOBGOBLIN SAGA!!! The moment he said something about it in an interview either from Rama or CBR, I began to think he had something planned, but it was fieldy RICHARDS who brought the sheer fact that the Hobgoblin's “end” was a classic Kingsley bait/switch. There wasn't ever a body. There wasn't ever a reference to him being dead - it was just dropped. The reader knew the Hobgoblin was Phil Urich. What truly could shock the reader? THE FACT THE ORIGINAL HOBGOBLIN WAS VERY MUCH ALIVE!!! NOW WE'RE FINALLY GOING TO SEE HOW A TRUE GOBLIN SHOULD BE DONE!!

*ahem*

I so had to get that out of my system. Other than of course:

THANK YOU DAN SLOTT!!

Wait, did I just say that?

Yeah I'll say it again.. THANK YOU!!!! THANK YOU SLOTT!! SLOTT.. YOU MAGNIFICENT BASTARD!! I READ YOUR BOOK!!! No, I really did. I fully understood the twist in the end.

I demand Herald add an entry to the tropes for what Slott did. What he did was pull off one of the greatest schemes EVER. Yes it was one that tormented me and endlessly teased me, but in the end the sweetest satisfaction I could ever have is given to me. Saying all that felt VERY therapeutic.

The only thing left I have to say now is: CAN IT BE FREAKING OCTOBER ALREADY?! I want to read this comic of the year, no, comic of the decade!! I've never been so excited for a Spider-Man comic. To me this trumps just about every story in 2012. Screw Amazing #700 or any event that hit comics this year. Come October 2012, we will be having THE RETURN OF THE ORIGINAL HOBGOBLIN!






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About the Author - Zechs


Zechs is the lord and master of The Toy Shed, Character Spotlight, and Cartoon Reviews. He's also an aspiring comic book writer trying to get some of his works published on the Outhouse. If there's any greater quality to Zechs, it's that he's an avid fan of comic book characters and would defend them to the bitter end against the companies that use them wrongly. Zechs walks the lonely path in Chicagoland area.

 


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