R.I.P Comic Books 1933-2011
Source: New Comics On Sale – Week of August 31, 2011
1 year, 12 months, 365 days, 525,949 minutes, 31,536,000 seconds – that’s how long it’s been since the last comic book was published. There were many notable comics that came out on that fateful day, such as:
Deadpool MAX #11, Betty & Veronica Friends Double Digest #217, Crossed Psychopath #2, Stan Lee’s The Traveler #10, Angel And Faith #1, and Sixth Gun #14
But, we all know which two books killed a multi-billion dollar industry that has survived depressions, wars, Congress, and fanboys – Flashpoint #5 and Justice League #1. As predicted by the entire internet comic book community the launch of the New 52 (or NuDC) was the proverbial final straw that crushed the funny book industry in on itself like a black hole of self delusion, ego, and absurdity.
And what of the people responsible - Dan Didio, Jim Lee, Geoff Johns, and Andy Kubert – well they are living it on the Caribbean island they bought with all the money they made while raping the childhoods of their readers. When reached for comment all Jim Lee had to say was:
The internet was always telling people that we hated comic books and were doing all we could to destroy the industry and no one listened.
Mr. Lee then grabbed a passing Wonder Woman cosplayer and did body shots off her bare, flat, well tanned stomach the proceeded to eat a live dolphin.
What of the rest of the world? We know that the 100s of loyal comic book readers were devastated when a week later – September 7, 2011 – every comic book shop, online store, and even flea market stands were closed, but it seems that no one else has even noticed. Some passersby wonder what happened to the store that used to be next to the used record shop, but they can’t remember what it sold. Movie goers flocked to see films that were already in production a year ago, but will move on with their lives when Avengers 2 is never seen.
Some politicians took note with Republicans pointing to the dozens of industry employees who were now unemployed and misplacing the blame on Obama whereas Democrats, being equally as obtuse, blamed the lack of comic book regulations for the loss of the ending to Kick Ass 2. When pressed, both sides agreed they were just bitching to bitch about the other side and really didn’t give to craps about a bunch of tights that only appealed to troll like basement dwellers who survived solely on Doritos and Mac ‘n Cheese.
Maybe someday we will see some form of a comic book again in our lifetimes, but until then we might actually have to go outside and talk to real people – even girls.
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