If a bitch you choose to be/ A can of whoopass you’ll surely see
Sorry about phoning it in last time, everypony. There were things to be done. And also neither of us really cares for the CMC. Sure, they’re adorable, but they’re also kind of boring. But this week, the great and powerful Trixie delivers horrifying amusement for all.
Caution: great and powerful My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic spoilers!
A mysterious figure arrives at a shop on rainy, storm night to obtain the alicorn amulet. Proving that ODL is a fascist leader, not a communist one (who hasn’t debate this?), a large sum of money puts it in the hands of our totally-not-suspicious-at-all mystery pony. The free market truly is not bound by the consciences of ponies.
Meanwhile, in PONYVILLE... Fluttershy threatens Twilight for her life if she hurts one of the woodland creatures. Twi’s practicing her new, presumably more advanced magic skills and using Fluttershy’s guinea pigs as guinea pigs. (Okay, there weren’t any guinea pigs but Doc couldn’t resist.) Twilight successfully turns them into an airborne Mobius strip of furry peons. We learn TwiSparks is practicing because ODL is coming with delegates from Saddle Arabia. Are they camels? I hope they’re camels.
In the town centre, there is hullabaloo. This is because Trixie was (surprise, surprise) the pony in the opening scene. She’s putting Rarity in- gasp!- a brown that should only be used for accents! Trixie is, as usual, being a bitch. For revenge! Girls can be so heartless. The Res points out that this is more than being a bitch – Trixie has achieved Voldemort levels of unwonted cruelty. (Doc counters that if anyone at your high school would have had that kind of power, it would have been just like this episode, except with more bloodshed.) How is she not an outlaw by now? She has a powerful magical amulet and is clearly unbalanced. ODL must be too busy with her delegates to actually enforce the rule of law. Maybe even in the middle east of the pony world women are oppressed, and ODL has her own issues to deal with.
Also, does Trixie realize that Twilight is basically the government's representative in Ponyville? She's not the Mayor (mare-or?) or anything, but she is the eyes and ears of the royal government. Sorry for overanalyzing, the Res is just kinda blown away by Trixie's cajones (it’s a Spanish word, Res, the ‘j’ is pronounced ‘h’). She deletes Pinkie's mouth!! This means war!!
TwiSparks agrees to a duel if she’ll just stop. Indeed, Trixie displays some awesome feats of power, which TwiSparks averts mostly with cleverness and fortitude. We’re gonna learn some lessons here, folks. In possibly the most terrifying use of her strength, Trixie turns Snips and Snails into an infant and an old man, respectively. No, Trixie, no. Haven’t you ever read or seen any fantasy story ever? Never, ever, ever, EVER mess with our feeble mortality. Twilight cannot beat this, and is banished forever! FOR-EV-ERRR! Ponyville is encased in an upside down fishbowl, and TwiSparks promises her own revenge. Everypony realizes that ODL is coming, right? Like, specifically at the beginning TwiSparks said that. Preeeetttty sure she’s not going to be down with this.
Twilight, instead of just waiting patiently for ODL to show up, practices her age spell to no avail. Giving up, she visits Zecora, who is rhyming away and offering help. (As an aside, rhyming 'dour' and 'power' was pretty ballsy.) (Slant rhymes, bitches.) She will teach TwiSparks the voodoo magic, truly Yoda to her whiny purple Skywalker! Meanwhile, the rest of the Mane Six are slaves to Trixie’s whims. This is the second instance where this episode is reminiscent of Aladdin – the shopkeeper with his bargaining was like the opening, and now it's like where Jafar makes Jasmine his sex slave. (DISCLAIMER: WE DO NOT ACTUALLY APPROVE OF PONY SEX SLAVES YOU PERVERTS.) Twilight is not terribly successful at Zecora’s training because she’s too focused on what exactly happened to Trixie.
The rest of the Mane Six try to figure out how Trixie got so powerful. Fluttershy, obviously, has the answer, though she goes somewhat ignored. They learn from a book that the alicorn amulet not only grants incredible power to its wearer, it also corrupts them- great power, great responsibility and all that. Once everypony's on the same page they agree (okay, everyone but Fluttershy agrees) that the best plan is for Fluttershy to sneak into the woods and tell TwiSparks what they’ve figured out. She reluctantly agrees.
Fluttershy, thanks in no small part to Rarity’s excellent bunny disguise (sarcasm) makes it to Zecora’s. The Res really liked the beavers at this bit, yelling angrily about their inability to complete their construction, presumably due to Trixie's unzoned force field. ODL doesn't uphold the rule of law, but she is strict about zoning. Zecora says Twi’s learned everything except one trick- “use the six”. Thank you, Zecora, for speaking only in enigmatic rhymes- that’s very helpful. TwiSparks is smart enough to unravel this gem of a rhyme – the solution (once more) is the elements of harmony.
TwiSparks and Zecora approach the fishbowl, where Twilight shows Trixie a CLEARLY FAKE amulet that she claims is more powerful than Trixie’s because it's infused with foreign magic and challenges her to another duel. Trixie casts another age spell on Snips and Snaps, turning them both into foals. Twilight- much to everypony’s surprise- does the same to AJ and Rarity. Awww, fan service has never been so adorable! She then clones Dashie (is that 20% cooler? 40% cooler? 24% cooler?) and gives the (still mouth-less) Pinkie ten instruments to play at once, which we would be more impressed by if she wasn't already able to do that (that’s a hint by the way). She then turns Apple Jack into a boy, which wasn't much of a stretch.
Trixie removes the amulet to replace it with Zecora’s, only to find she has no more extraordinary magical powers. TwiSparks reveals that she didn't learn super advanced/impossible magic inside of a week – she used the power of friendship! TwiSparks and all her friends tricked Trixie, mostly with liberal use of body paint. Trixie, surprisingly, is humbled and apologises. Her humility is sort of half-assed, but we’ll give it to her.
In the end Celestia arrives with the delegates, apparently none the wiser as to the rebellion that TwiSparks nipped in the bud. Trixie helps TwiSparks put on a show, and while she's still a braggy pony, at least she's not bent on revenge anymore. And Pinkie gets her mouth back.
But the Res says she's still crazy, and TwiSparks lets her get away! Arrest her; she committed at least three felonies. The Doc worries that a lot of Trixie’s issues come from what are, most obviously, daddy issues. But in this happy-go-lucky world ODL has created for all, it seems that neither jails nor therapists exist (though I would love to see a warden or a shrink’s cutie mark) (Would the shrink’s be a cigar? Please say yes.) and that Trixie will go on to take over the world another d