- Written by Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E. on Friday, December 07 2012 and posted in Columns
FRANK READ QUESTIONS! FRANK WRITE ANSWERS! FRANK HOPE THEY MATCH!
Source: NONE! SOURCES BAD!
THAT TIME AGAIN, TIME FOR FRANK TO ANSWER MAIL! MAIL GOOD!
From facebook Brian Osserman asks: 'Who are you more afraid of and why? Human Torch or Firestar?'
FRANK FEAR FIRESTAR MORE BECAUSE SHE GIRL AND GINGER! GIRL BAD ENOUGH BUT SOULLESS GINGER, FIRESTAR BIGGER MONSTER THAN FRANK!
From www.theouthousers.com fieldy snuts asks: 'You are aware that Didio reassigned Frank to Justice League Dark right?'
WHAT FRANK KNOW IS THAT FRANK’S NAME WAS ON COMIC BOOK THAT STARRED FRANK NOW FRANK’S NAME NOT ON COMIC BOOK AND FRANK IS NOW SUPPOSED TO BE HAPPY WITH BEING “TEAM MEMBER” / TOKEN MINORITY / SIDEKICK. SIDEKICK BAD! THIS ALMOST AS BAD AS BEING FIRED OFF OF DETECTIVE COMICS AND HAVING TO SETTLE FOR BATMAN! BATMAN GOOD!
From the internet Hobgoblin4Life asks: 'If you were a pony, what would your cutie mark be?'
FRANK BEAUTY MARK BE PRETTY BUTTERFLY!
From twitter @PinkPeril asks: 'FrankenCastle, horrible or hilarious?'
FRANKENCASTLE WAS AN OFFENSIVE STORYLINE THAT BELITTLED THE PLIGHT OF REAL MONSTERS. BY IMPLYING THAT PUNISHER WORSE OFF BECAUSE HE TURN INTO MONSTER, INTO FRANK. MONTERIST, RICK REMENDER, SAYING THAT BEING MONSTER WORSE THAN BEING HUMAN! THAT NOT GOOD! MONSTERS ARE PEOPLE TOO! FRANK LEAD BOYCOTT OF REMENDER UNTIL MARVEL FIRE HIM OFF OF GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY MOVIE!
From skype sdsichero asks: 'Boxers or briefs?'
FRANK NO BOTHER WITH UNDERWEAR!
From skype sdsichero asks: 'Would you do Aunt May?'
NO, FRANK KNOW WHERE SHE BEEN!
From skype sdsichero asks: ' does reason provide us with knowledge of the world independently of experience?'
REASON, WHEN USED PROPERLY, CAN PROVIDE US WITH THE NECESSARY TOOLS TO MAKE EDUCATED GUESSES REGARDING THE OUTCOME OF CERTAIN EVENTS WITHOUT HAVING TO FIRST EXPERIENCE THAT EVENT. FOR EXAMPLE, REASON TELL FRANK THAT FIRE BAD. FRANK NOT HAVE TO HAVE FIRST HAND EXPERIENCE WITH FIRE TO KNOW THAT FIRE IS BAD.
From a letter slipped under Frank’s door, Mr. Joe asks:
Which boggles me for it is the state of unrest of what you are named. Yet your name is named after the man but you are really a monster yet you somehow are named after the man. This sort of name recognition disturbs me in the most displeasing way. For the way your full name should be is Monster Frankenstein since obviously the Monster is your first name and thus the name you should be called and not Frankenstein, which seems to be quite repetitive and annoying to know the difference between you and your creator. WHAT SAY YOU OF THIS?!
Signed by and from,
P.S. Since you are a monster and monsters smash would you be up to trashing three super powered girls for me? Girls who need a good thrashing to which you are very good at, but I MOJO.. I mean.. Mister Joe want you to smash them evilly due to them being the ones who are good?
DEAR MR. JOE,
AFTER DR. FRANKENSTEIN DIE AND FRANK TAKE HIS PICK OF BODY PARTS FRANK DECIDE TO MOVE TO AMERICA! WHEN FRANK COME TO AMERICA ANGRY VILLAGERS AT ELLIS ISLAND CHANGE FRANK NAME FROM “MONSTER” TO FRANK BECAUSE “MONSTER” SCARE LITTLE GIRLS (LITTLE GIRLS BAD!) AND FRANKENSTEIN TOO “JEWY” (ANTI-SEMITISM BAD!) SO NOW FRANK IS FRANK! THAT BEINGS SAID, FRANK NO KNOW WHERE MR. JOE GET OFF COMPLAINING ABOUT FRANK’S NAME! “JOE” IS A FIRST NAME AND YET MR. JOE USE IT AS LAST NAME! WHAT SAY YOU!
FRANK ALREADY SAY LITTLE GIRLS BAD! THEY MAKE FRANK LEARN NEW NAME! LEARNING BAD! FRANK HAPPY TO SMASH LITTLE GIRLS, BUT ONLY IF FRANK ALSO ALLOWED TO SMASH LITTLE GIRLS’ VILLAGE! FRANK NO LIKE VILLAGES OR PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN VILLAGES!
P.S. FRANK LIKE MR. JOE, MR. JOE TALK GOOD! FRANK THINK MR. JOE AND FRANK BE FRIENDS! FRIENDS GOOD!
THAT LAST QUESTION! FRANK THINK FRANK DO GOOD! WHAT YOU THINK? TELL FRANK!
MORE QUESTIONS GOOD! FRANK SMART AND LIVE LONG TIME, FRANK GIVE ADVICE TOO!
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About the Author - Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E.
Frankenstein is the swordwielding monsterfighting monster formerly employed by S.H.A.D.E., a global agency dedicated to fighting weird stuff. Unfortunately, Dan Didio laid off Frankenstein due to low sales, and Frank quickly lost the bulk of his intelligence trying to piece together DC continuity while updating his resume. Luckily, the Outhouse's staff is largely made up of dumb beasts, and Frank is now working as an contributing reporter while he is between jobs.
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