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Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Help Peter David

Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn't Help Peter David

Going against the grain as usual, The Outhouse presents ten reasons why you shouldn't help Peter David as he recovers from his stroke.



Source: Peter David's Blog
 

Peter David's wife, Kathleen David, recently posted an update on the recovering writer's condition. Kathleen suggests that fans help out the David family, which is stuck with a lot of medical copays following Peter's unfortunate stroke last weekend, by purchasing a few of his books, particularly the ones that are published at small presses, which means most of the money goes right to PAD.

Here's what she had to say:

Even though we have health insurance we have co-pays and the like. And since this stroke fell at the end of the year, we have all the new co-pays to deal with (I can honestly see those of you who have had to deal with this nodding your heads). And there are things that the insurance company just won’t cover (more head nodding). So we are at the beginning of what is going to be a very expensive year even though we are only 4 days in.

The most direct way is to buy his books from Crazy 8 Press (via ComicMix) or from Amazon or Barnes and Noble websites. These are books that he gets the money from directly and the most per book.

But is that really what you should do? The Outhouse can give you ten reasons not to...

#10 - Peter David's stroke levels the playing field.

Peter David is better than 99% of comic book writers. When you think about it, is that really fair? I mean, how would you feel if you were someone like Daniel Way, mediocre by every definition of the word, and you had to compare yourself to a master like Peter David? It wouldn't make you feel very good, would it? So if you want Daniel Way and other lesser writers to feel good, don't help Peter David by purchasing Pulling Up Stakes Vol. 1.

#9 - Peter David gets more work done while convalescing than many creators do in perfect health.

Peter David's wife said that, today, David was able to walk to a chair, sit down, and make changes to an X-Factor script. Meanwhile, John Cassaday, the picture of health, woke up at 3 in the afternoon and played Borderlands 2 all day. Uncanny Avengers #3 is scheduled for release in 2016. Wouldn't your thoughts and concern be better served helping John Cassaday get over his laziness? Maybe compose a motivating email to him or something.

PAD is doing just fine, so there's no need for you to pick up Pulling Up Stakes Vol. 2. Just don't bother.

#8 - Peter David already has people who love and care about him.

Peter David has a wife and four daughters. You live alone in your mom's basement and have never touched a woman. Isn't it your time to shine? Instead of spending your money on something from Peter David's massive bibliography, you could sign up for an account on Match.com and craft a profile that lies just enough to trick someone into meeting you but maintains plausible deniability that you weren't trying to pull one over on them.

#7 - If you help him, he may become more popular.

We all know that PAD is great because we are some of the dozens of people who read good comics like Fallen Angel, X-Factor, or pretty much anything PAD writes, which is solid gold, and, as nerds we are the O.H. (original hipsters), and we hate it when our stuff becomes popular.

Dammit! PAD is our apex of "before it was cool" mountain. Not enough people read PAD, and that's awesome. Ironically awesome.

#6 - Helping him may result in less Peter David comics.

If you buy his comics he'll have more money and might be able to take the time to recover and not rush back to work.  Than means it will be LONGER THAN A YEAR for him to be back.  Buying his comics will just make him lazy.

On the other hand, if no one helps him out, David will have to struggle to get back to work sooner in order to make money to pay his medical bills. Bad for Peter David, yes. But good for readers. It means David will need to produce more, maybe even add a spinoff book to X-Factor, just to make ends meet.

Clearly this is the more attractive option. Much more attractive than buying The Camelot Papers, which is only $5 on Amazon.

 

#5 - Fallen Angel might finally stay with one publisher from now on.

Fallen Angel is a great book that we all love, but I think we were all pretty annoyed when it switched publishers from DC to IDW. How can we make sure that never happens again? Well, it may have taken care of itself, as now that Peter David is partially disabled, it will be harder for him to escape IDW's agents when they come looking to renew his contract. He'll be trapped, and he won't be able to switch the book over to Dark Horse or Dynamite in the spring.

Everybody wins.

#4 - With less Peter David comics to read, you'll have more time to spend with your own family.

Your (totally real) significant other is already jealous of your sweet collection (cause you are soooooo special). If you buy more great comics by Peter David, you will have to read them, and that means your non-fictional significant other, who, by the way, did we mention, totally exists, will miss your sexxy (*cough*) self.  Don't you put them through enough? Don't make him or her or it suffer more buy picking a copy of Darkness of the Light.

#3 - God helps those that help themselves.

We heard that somewhere, and that means it must be true, especially as the phrase has the word "God" in it. you heard Kathleen David - Peter is already working hard at his recovery, which means God is going to help him figure things out. God's got this one. you can sit back, relax, and devote your efforts toward something more beneficial for *you*, like getting that new tablet you wanted. And as you're selfishly enjoying the money you spent on yourself instead of on buying one of the books linked in this article to help out Peter David, you will know that you are actually doing a good deed by just letting God do what God does.

#2 - Peter David makes the internet less interesting.

Sure, once in a while, David will turn Shatterstar gay and piss off Rob Liefeld, but, for the most part, his comics are so well written that irrational fanboys cant come up with anything to bitch about on the internet. If people aren't bitching on the internet, they're just watching porn, which is far less interactive. It means less controversy, which means less conversation, which leaves you bored.

Help out someone like Dan Slott instead, and while you're posting in the latest 48 page forum thread about Doctor Spiderpuss raping Mary Jane, you can thank us for the advice.

#1 - Of course you should help him, you idiots!

Why the hell are you listening to us? You've been entertained by Peter David's work for decades, and the guy could use your help now. And what do you have to do? Buy a $4.99 book on Amazon? There are a ton of options here.

Why are you being so selfish, reading a parody article, when a great artist needs you to give something back for once? You ungrateful bum! Get over to Amazon right now and buy Heights of the Depths! Buy two copies! The paperback for $15, and the ebook for $5.

Could you do any less?

You're a real jerk, you know that?




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About the Author - Jude Terror


Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.  Ironically, our webmaster, whose website skills know no end, has very little understanding of social networks or how they work.  Regardless, you can find him on Twitter, Facebook, and Tumblr, but would probably have the most luck just emailing him.

 


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