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FRANK HELP! - 01/16/2013

FRANK HELP! - 01/16/2013

HARD QUESTIONS THIS TIME! FRANK HAVE TO USE DICTIONARY, BUT THEN FRANK REMEMBER HE NO SPELL GOOD AND DICTIONARY STUPID!



Source: NONE! WHY YOU ALWAYS THINK FRANK NEED SOURCE?

HELLO FRIENDS OF FRANK!  FRANK TYPE LOTS OF WORDS FOR YOU!  FRANK GIVE SELF CARPAL TUNNEL SYNDROME AND NOW HAVE TO GO GET NEW ARMS!

From twitter, @iod1974 asks: '@DCFrankenstein what Frank think of Oscar nominations?'

FRANK NO SEE MANY MOVIES THIS YEAR!  HARD TO GO OUT AND PAY FOR TICKETS WHEN FIRED FROM GOOD JOB TO BE SECRETARY FOR MAGIC PEOPLE WHO NEVER TURN IN RECEIPTS!  WHAT FRANK SAYING IS THAT FRANK NO KNOW ALL THE MOVIES, BUT FRANK JOINS WITH CHORUS OF PEOPLE AND MONSTERS AND CELEBRITIES WHO MAD THAT AFFLECK SNUBBED!  ARGO GOOD!  OSCAR BAD!  FRANK THINK IT FUNNY THAT WOLVERINE MAY GET OSCAR! HE BAD DAD AND BAD X-MAN AND BAD PERSON, BUT HE GOOD ACTOR AND THAT ALL THAT MATTER TO LIBERALS!  JUST LOOK AT RONALD REAGAN! REAGAN WAS TERRIBLE ACTOR AND KICKED OUT OF HOLLYWOOD, FORCED TO TAKE MENIAL JOB AS POTUS INSTEAD AND RUIN COUNTRY WITH TRICKLE DOWN ECONOMICS! BY CONTRAST, REAGAN COSTAR BONZO THE MONKEY WAS GREAT ACTOR AND WENT ON TO HAVE STORIED CAREER AND WIN MANY AWARDS UNDER THE NOM DE PLUME SEAN PENN!!  FRANK CAN'T HELP BUT THINK AMERICA BE IN BETTER PLACE TODAY IF BONZO WAS PRESIDENT INSTEAD! BUT FRANK DIGRESS...

FRANK HATE SPIELBERG! LIFE OF PI GREAT BOOK, FRANK WANT SEE MOVIE!  GUY FROM ALIAS BETTER NO GET OSCAR!  FRANK WANT MAKE SPECIAL NAKED TIME WITH AMY ADAMS!  EXCUSE FRANK, HE HAVE TO GO TO BATHROOM FOR A MINUTE! 

From twitter, @TheThirdThomas asks: '@DCFrankenstein Was the song “Somebody That I Used To Know” written about you? #FrankHelp'

FRANK NEVER HEAR SONG! BUT FRANK READ LYRICS AND NOW FRANK HAVE TAKE ON ME  BY A-HA STUCK IN HIS HEAD!  FRANK EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME HE WAS AT CEDAR POINT AND A CONVENTION OF A-HA FAN CLUBS WERE THERE?! THAT WAS WEIRD!  FRANK NO KNOW A-HA HAVE MORE THAN ONE SONG!  FRANK NO GET LYRICS TO SOMEBODY THAT I USED TO KNOW JUST GO FIND PERSON YOU NO KNOW ANYMORE AND GRAB A PIECE OF THEM AND STAPLE TO SELF!  PROBLEM SOLVED!

IN DARKEST TIMES AFTER FRANK WAS FIRED BY DARTH DIDIO AND LOOKING FOR WORK, FRANK SPENT LOT OF TIME FANTASIZING THAT ATTRACTIVE SCANDINAVIAN MAN WOULD KIDNAP FRANK FROM FROZEN FOOD SECTION AT GROCERY STORE AND TAKE FRANK ON MAGICAL ADVENTURE OF ANIMATED ROMANCE! INSTEAD, FRANK GET JOB AT OUTHOUSE WRITING THIS COLUMN! NO ONE EVER SAY UNLIFE WOULD BE FAIR!

TAKE ON ME, TAKE ME ON / I'LL BE GONE / IN A DAY OR TWO! 

From twitter, @MikeBise asks: '@DCFrankenstein Does John Constantine smell like whiskey & unfiltered cigarettes as I imagine?'

CONSTANTINE IS A WARLOCK WHO USES BLACK MAGIC TO SMELL LIKE WHATEVER THE PERSON HE WANTS TO HAVE THE SEX WITH WANTS HIM TO SMELL LIKE! 

From twitter, @DogGodThor asks: '@DCFrankenstein Why are stupid humans so stupid?'

MR. THE DOGGOD, PLEASE GIVE HUMANS A BREAK, THEY NOT BUILT TO BE SMART!  FRANK STILL MAD AT DR. FRANK FOR NOT GIVING FRANK A TAIL, OPPOSABLE TOES, AND WINGS!  WHAT HE THINKING?  IF YOU BUILD A MONSTER GO BIG OR GO HOME!  FRANK THINK FRANK BE MUCH SCARIER IF HE COULD FLY AND BREATHE ACID! FIRE BAD!  HUMANS ARE STUPID BECAUSE THEY ARE ALIVE! WHEN PEOPLE ALIVE, BLOOD IS FLOWING, AND WHEN BLOOD IS FLOWING, BLOOD INEVITABLY FLOW TO SEXUAL ORGANS! THIS CAUSE PEOPLE TO ACT STUPID! FRANK, BEING UNDEAD, HAS NO BLOOD FLOWING THROUGH BODY PARTS! BLOOD STAY WHERE FRANK PUT IT, WHICH IS IN BRAIN, WHERE IT BELONG! THAT WHY FRANK SO SMART AND ELOQUENT! AND WHY YOU, AS THE DOGGOD ARE SMART TOO, YOU NO ALIVE, YOU JUST ARE!

From www.theouthousers.com, Black_Orchid asks: 'Why don't you blackmail Morrison for your job? Tell him although he left it up to the readers to figure out, you know the secret of how you cured the DCU of the virus during Final Crisis and will spill the goods!'

FRANK NO THINK IT MATTER! NO ONE UNDERSTAND FINAL CRISIS, EVEN WITH FRANK’S SECRET! FINAL CRISIS BAD!  GRANT MORRISON ON BETTER DRUGS THEN DR. FRANK EVER MAKE IN LAB!  BLACKMAIL NO HELP FRANK BECAUSE EVEN IF FRANK TELL EVERYONE GRANT GET ALL THE CREDIT FOR BEING CONFUSING! FRANK NO LIKE BEING CONFUSED MAKE FRANK FEEL DUMB!  FRANK NO DUMB!  DC DUMB!

THAT BEING SAID, FRANK ALSO CONFUSED BY OTHER THINGS LIKE ROB LIEFELD COMICS OR HOT LIQUID WARNINGS ON CUPS OF COFFEE! FRANK CANNOT EVEN COUNT NUMBER OF TIMES FRANK MISREAD WARNING ON MCDONALDS COFFEE CUP AND POURED COFFEE IN LAP, RUINING PERFECTLY GOOD GENITALS! SO MAYBE FRANK NOT BEST MONSTER TO JUDGE!

From www.theouthousers.com, Rikk Odinson asks: 'A query posed unto thee, Oh. pile of rotting meat...."What, mayhap, doth be thine stand upon posties that doth be not but performers?  Be they colorful additions to the community or be they brain-damaged fools which shouldst be referred unto the local House of the Ill of mind ?"'

FRANK NO UNDERSTAND QUESTION!  FRANK IS FRANK!  FRANK IS ALWAYS FRANK! F RANK IS FRANK WHEN THE TWITTER AND FRANK IS FRANK IN JLD AND FRANK IS FRANK WHEN … COLLECTING NEW PARTS!  ARE THERE PEOPLE WHO AREN’T WHO THEY ARE WHEN ONLINE?  FRANK NO LIKE THAT, CONFUSE FRANK! FRANK THINK EVERYONE SHOULD BE LIKE FRANK AND MR. THE ODINSON AND JUST BE THEMSELVES AND BEHAVE ON INTERNET JUST LIKE THEY DO IN REAL LIFE! 

From www.theouthousers.com, GLX asks: 'There's another Frankenstein…er…Frankenstein's monster in “Wolverine and the X-Men”! What do you think of him?'

FRANK ALREADY EXPLAIN THAT ALL FRANKS ARE FRANK! BUT FRANK NEED TELL YOU THAT MARVEL FRANK IS A FAKE FRANK!  WHEN MONSTER IS POPULAR LIKE FRANK, THERE WILL BE IMMITATORS WHO TRY TO BITE OFF FRANK'S MONSTER STYLE! MARVEL FRANK IS TO FRANK AS DIET RITE IS TO COKE!  HE INFERIOR AND MAKE NO SENSE (FRANK NEVER SEE REGULAR RITE!)! FRANK CONSIDERS IT COMPLIMENT THAT STABBY LITTLE MUTANT HAS A FRANK IN HIS BOOK! IMITATION IS SINCEREST FORM OF FLATTERY IS SOMETHING FRANK ONCE HEARD, BUT FRANK NO UNDERSTAND BECAUSE WORDS ARE TOO BIG!

-----

FRANK WANT MORE QUESTIOPNS!  ASK FRANK ABOUT WOMENS, FRANK MARRIED!  ASK FRANK ABOUT KIDS, FRANK KNOW HOW TO COOK THEM BEST!  ASK FRANK ABOUT TAXES - IT IS "STEIN" AFTER ALL!  ASK FRANK ABOUT DOGS, FRANK LIKE DOGS!  DOGS GOOD!  HORSES BAD!  NO ASK FRANK ABOUT CLOWNS!  CLOWNS BAD!  CLOWNS VERY BAD!

OUTHOUSE!
@DCFRANENSTEIN!
FACEBOOK!





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About the Author - Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E.


Frankenstein is the swordwielding monsterfighting monster formerly employed by S.H.A.D.E., a global agency dedicated to fighting weird stuff. Unfortunately, Dan Didio laid off Frankenstein due to low sales, and Frank quickly lost the bulk of his intelligence trying to piece together DC continuity while updating his resume. Luckily, the Outhouse's staff is largely made up of dumb beasts, and Frank is now working as an contributing reporter while he is between jobs.
 

 


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