Pro Wrestling Regains Stupidity Championship from Comics Industry as WWE Plans to Reboot Leprecaun Franchise
The new movie will star midget wrestler Hornswaggle.
Source: Crave Online
When it comes to being a major company run by carnival hucksters that treats its fans with disdain and relies on bilking more money out of a dwindling fanbase by recycling the same stories over and over and relying on past glory in juvenile and mildly homoerotic male power fantasy rather than trying to create a diverse product that appeals to a wider audience, major comic book publishers like Marvel and DC are pretty damn good at what they do. However, they could still stand to learn a few lessons from the originators of these business tactics in the professional wrestling industry, which invented the "mark," and in pro wrestling, no one is bigger than World Wrestling Entertainment.
Shooting down early rumors from Comicbooks.net that Joseph Gordon Levitt was being considered for the role, WWE has announced their plans to reboot the Leprecaun horror movie franchise, with lovable midget wrestler Hornswaggle in the titular role. The new movie will attempt to take the franchise in a more serious direction, more akin to the original movie, which WWE implies is considered some kind of horror classic, than the later ones like Leprecaun in da Hood. Naturally, a professional wrestler who exists for no other reason than comic relief is the perfect person to accomplish this lofty goal.
WWE president Michael Luisi explained the process that led to the new film in an interview with Crave Online:
Well, it’s controlled by Lionsgate and all of the movies that we’re doing now we do with co-producing, co-financing partners. I come out of 12 years at Miramax so I have a lot of relationships from the Miramax days and when I went out and pitched our new business model to the people I knew at Lionsgate, they said, “Hey, you know what would be kind of fun? Finding something to do with your guys with one of your superstars that revolves around one of our existing franchises.” And I said, “I’ve got the project for you: Leprechaun, Hornswaggle.” Our talent Hornswaggle who will play the Leprechaun in the reboot of the franchise.
Luisi went on to say that previous Leprechaun, Warwick Davis, will not have a featured role in the film, though WWE might be able to find a cameo role for him. Because this needs to be taken very seriously, and we can't let Davis's silliness sabotage the potential Oscar aspirations of Hornswaggle's sure-to-be brilliant performance.
We spoke to the ghost of deceased wrestler Macho Man Randy Savage for comment:
You know, let me tell you something Jude Terror. When Leprechaun walks down that aisle into movie theaters, dig it, moviegoers are gonna be in the daaaaaanger zone, yeah. That's West of London, England, East of the Pacific Ocean, South of Mars, and North of Hell, yeaah! Leprecaun is gonna drop the big flying elbow on the box office, dig it? Just like the Macho Man, yeah, won the Intercontinental Championship from George "The Animal" Steel at Wrestlemania 2! Oooooooooooooooh yeeaaaaaaaaahhhhh! Snap into a slim jim!
He then accused us of making eyes at the lovely Miss Elizabeth, and we made a hasty exit before things got violent.
We'll keep you dumb marks updated on this project's development, provided WWE executives continue to consume the drugs (Soma and Human Growth Hormone, probably) that caused them to think this was a good idea in the first place.
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