- Written by Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E. on Thursday, January 31 2013 and posted in Features
FRANK PROBABLY GET IN TROUBLE AT HOME FOR THIS ONE!
Source: NONE! FRANK TOO SMART FOR FACTS!
FRANK KNOW THIS LATE, FRANK SORRY! FRANK HAD SICK AND FRANK TOO TIRED TO GO FIND NEW LUNGS TO FIX SICK! FRANK BETTER NOW!
From www.theouthousers.com, Royal Nonesuch asks: 'Do you like football?'
YES FRANK LIKE FOOTBALL! FOOTBALL AWESOME! ONLY PROBLEM IS THAT GAME TOO SAFE! FRANK WANT SEE NO PADS, ALL YARD LINES ELEVATED 2 INCHES (20 YARD AND 50 YARD LINES ELEVATED 5 INCHES) TO MAKE OBSTACLES FOR PLAYERS TO TRIP OVER! AND MAKE SO AUTOMATIC SPRINKLERS MAY OR MAY NOT COME ON AT ANY GIVEN MOMENT! FRANK ALSO THINK THAT FIELD GOAL THING SHOULD HAVE A TOP ON IT SO IF BALL GOES OVER NO COUNT AND FIELD GOAL THING SHOULD ROTATE A DIFFERENT SPEEDS TO MAKE IT BIGGER CHALLENGE! FRANK ALSO THINK THAT FOOTBALL NEED MAKE IT SO THAT SAFETY MEANS AUTOMATIC WIN! SAFETIES GOOD! STEELERS BAD!
From www.theouthousers.com, GLX asks: 'If an intruder pooped and masturbated in your home, what would you do to them?'
THIS IS GROSS! WHY ANYONE DO THIS TO FRANK? FRANK NICE! FRANK GOOD! POOP AND OTHER STUFF ON FRANK FLOOR BAD! IF SOMEONE DO THIS, FRANK LOOKING AT YOU GLX, FRANK GRAB ARM HE SALVAGED FROM ANDRE THE GIANT AND BEAT INTRUDER TO DEATH UNTIL THEY DEAD AND THEN TAKE TO DR. FRANK TO MAKE ALL BETTER, AND DO IT AGAIN! THIS NOT GOOD IDEA TO DO TO FRANK, FRANK NEAT FREAK, FRANK NO WANT POOP ON FLOOR! IT RUIN RUG! RUG REALLY TIE ROOM TOGETHER!
From twitter, @TheThirdThomas asks: '@DCFrankenstein Who would win in a fight between Micky Mouse & SpongeBob SquarePants? #FrankHelp'
FRANK BOY, BOB, PICK THAT STUPID FASCIST MOUSE UP BY HIS EARS AND DROWN THAT MOFO IN OCEAN WHILE HOT MISS SANDY CHEEKS WAITS ON BEACH LAUGHING AT MR. MOUSE AS SHE SITTING ON CARVED OUT SKULL OF MINNIE “COMMUNAL COOKIE” MOUSE!
From twitter, @PinkPeril asks: '@DCFrankenstein What major DC events are you glad you were left out of?'
FRANK LIKE PINK LADY, SHE ASK GOOD QUESTIONS! FRANK GLAD HE LEFT OUT OF IDENTITY CRISIS, FRANK NO WANT BE RAPED BY DR, LIGHT! RAPE BAD (UNLESS YOU SPIDER-MAN, THAN IT OK)! FRANK NO REMEMBER BEING IN FINAL CRISIS, BUT THAT NO MEAN HE NOT IN IT, FINAL CRISIS MAKE NO SENSE EVEN IF YOU THERE!
GOOD THING NONE OF THOSE EVER HAPPENED! NU52 GOOD! CANCEL FRANK’S BOOK BAD! DARTH DIDIO BAD!
From home, BRIDE OF FRANK asks: 'Frank. With all this Arctic air blowing in, how do you keep warm'
FRANK WANT SAY ALL YOUR HOT AIR KEEP FRANK WARM, BUT FRANK NO WANT BE YELLED AT, AND IT BE TOO LONG SINCE YOU KEEP FRANK WARM IN NICE HAPPY WAY, SO FRANK HAVE TO BURN OLD AND SPOILED BODY PARTS IN FURNACE! THIS WHY FRANK NEVER GET NEW NOSES DURING WINTER, FRANK NO WANT SMELL THAT!
SOMETIMES FRANK THROWS IN OLD COMIC BOOKS LIKE ONES WRITTEN BY HACK WHO NEVER FINISH WHAT HE STARTS AND GETS MAD AT FRANK WHEN FRANK YELL AT HIM IN DC OFFICES! SUPREME POWER WAS STUPID ANYWAYS!
THAT IT FOR THIS WEEK! REMEMBER, FRANK ALWAYS NEED MORE QUESTIONS SO YOU SHOULD ASK THEM!
FRANK HERE FOR YOU!
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About the Author - Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E.
Frankenstein is the swordwielding monsterfighting monster formerly employed by S.H.A.D.E., a global agency dedicated to fighting weird stuff. Unfortunately, Dan Didio laid off Frankenstein due to low sales, and Frank quickly lost the bulk of his intelligence trying to piece together DC continuity while updating his resume. Luckily, the Outhouse's staff is largely made up of dumb beasts, and Frank is now working as an contributing reporter while he is between jobs.
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