Sunday, November 23, 2014 • Midnight Edition • "Newsarama 2: Outhouse Boogaloo."

Uncle Logan Gets What’s Coming To Him

Written by GHERU on Friday, February 15 2013 and posted in News with Benefits
Uncle Logan Gets What’s Coming To Him

Seems that Wolverine has outlived his purpose.



Source: The Death Of Wolverine In 2014?

First they came for the Brotherhood Of Evil Mutants
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't evil.
Then they came for the separatists.
and I didn't speak out because I wasn't a separatists.
Then they came for the (possible) Phoenix hosts,
and I didn't speak out because I like stabbing them.
Then they came for me,
and there was no one left to speak for me.


According to Bleeding Cool, there is a rumor that Marvel is thinking about possibly maybe perhaps killing off Wolverine - weather permitting.  Shrouding the story in the blanket of supposition, Bleeding Cool states that Marvel’s cash cow, might die because of time traveling or some such.  And we don’t mean die, but heal from one brain cell, we mean dead is dead is dead – so, for like 6 months!

Why? Because mutant kind’s personal Uncle Tom has out lived his usefulness to the Avengers. After failing to stab an underage mutant because of hypothetical future danger she might pose, letting flatscan lover Charles Xavier die before he could be exploited more, and having the gall to try and teach other mutants as if they deserve an education, Wolverine has finally lost his luster.

Reporting under the conditions that we not identify him, one Avenger told us:

Wolverine always stateth that he doth be ‘the best there is at what he doeth.” As the son of [redacted], I say thee ‘Nay!’ Didth the little man doeth anything 'cept run after yet anon Midgardian ginger when we invaded Utopia? Nay! Was it he who punched a defenseless teenager who was minding his own business whilst playing video games? Nay! Whilest Wolverine was (not) tracking Hope, the scion of [redacted] was in space yelling “have at thee” to an omnipotent cosmic bird force."

If Logan truly was is “the best there is” then Midguard Earth is doomed


Intrepid Outhouse reporter, Xarran, believes that the Avengers will convince Wolverine, who is not all that bright, that Mephisto (some sort of devil thing) and his Hell hoards will attempt to enter our realm via Mount Nyiragongo, Africa’s largest active volcano.  When he, Iron Man, and Rulk go to investigate the other two Avengers will simply push Wolverine in.

“Twas the best solution” says our anonymous source

Here at The Outhouse, known by organized crime as the place to go for ‘problem solvers,’ we applaud the Death of Wolverine as it can only help to bring attention to this not-so-well-known character.

Kudos Marvel, kudos.

 






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About the Author - GHERU


RU, or as he’s known in the writers’ room: the cute one, is relatively unappreciated in his time.  RU’s YouTube show, RUviews is watched by literally multiple people every month and his Outhouse articles have helped line many a bird cage.  Before you send RU a message, he knows that there are misspelled words in this article, and probably in this bio he was asked to write.  RU wants everyone to know that after 25+ years of collecting he still loves comic books and can’t believe how seriously fanboys take them.  RU lives in Akron Ohio (unfortunately) with WIFE, ‘lilRuRu, and the @DogGodThor.  You can also find him on Twitter, Facebook, Tumblr, & even Google+ (if anyone still uses that).

 


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