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Shia LaBeouf Considers Ruining New Star Wars Trilogy

Written by Jude Terror on Friday, February 15 2013 and posted in News with Benefits
Shia LaBeouf Considers Ruining New Star Wars Trilogy

Though he hasn't been offered the job, the actor has expressed availability and willingness to portray any number of potentially film-ruining roles in the new Star Wars movies.

Source: ThanosCopter Newswire

Rumors hit the net today that Harrison Ford is unofficially officially signed on to reprise the role of Han Solo in the upcoming Star Wars films from Disney, but what about Shia LaBeouf, who famously ruined the Indiana Jones franchise by portraying Ford's son, Mutt Williams, in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull? According to our sources, while no one at Disney has considered offering LaBeouf a role, the actor would be perfectly willing to take one if the opportunity came up.

"I could play Han Solo's son. That's the obvious way to go, and probably what most people are clamoring for," LaBeouf told reliable sources in statements leaked on the internets this morning. "But I'm open to other possibilities as well. For instance, I could play a descendant of Jar Jar Binks. I've been practicing my Jar Jar."

"Meesa think, for an old man, you ain't so berry berry bad in a fight!" mimicked LaBeouf, clearly quite proud of himself. "Pretty great, right? I can do an Ewok too. I could play all the Ewoks."

When asked why he's even talking about this when no one has brought up his name in any capacity related to the franchise, LaBeouf was undeterred. "Why wouldn't they want me? Everyone saw what I did with Indiana Jones. With Harry - that's what I call my friend and real life surrogate father figure, Harrison Ford - signing on to reprise his role, I think it's only natural that Disney is gonna want to bring back some of that Crystal Skull magic. Get the band back together, you know?"

LaBeouf's enthusiasm is appreciated, but what about his recent vow to stop making big budget Hollywood movies and only participate in small-time, independent filmmaking?

"Oh, I'm still into that," LaBeouf assured fans worried about the state of his artistic integrity. "For instance, I'm currently working on writing and directing a subtitled French language film, an autobiographical piece, called LaBeouf: A LaLife. I thought about it though, and, it's really not right to deprive the mainstream movie going audiences of my talent, so I'm going to do Star Wars too."

"After they ask me, of course," he added, confidently. "Which they will soon. Hey my phone is ringing! That's probably them."

"It was a wrong number," he said few moments later, slightly downtrodden. "But Disney will call soon."

Immediately after LaBeouf's statements hit the web,'s Gus Sterlingham published an article speculating on whether or not Joseph Gordon Levitt would play Shia LaBeouf in LaBeouf: A LaLife.

Star Wars Episode 7 will be in theaters in June 2015, leaving the online geek media more than two years to make up more completely unfounded rumors about it in an attempt to score sweet unique hits.


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About the Author - Jude Terror

Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably. A certified trash eater ruining the pristine field of comics journalism with his sarcasm and goofiness, Jude Terror is secretly friendly and congenial, so if you've got a complaint, why not just bring it up to him instead of subtweeting like a jackass, jackass? You can find him on Twitter or try your luck with an email, but keep in mind that he is notoriously unreliable and may not get back to you right away. Unless you want to send him free stuff, in which case he'll get back to you immediately.

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