Still Drunk from Weekend, Marvel Releases Pretty Much Same "First" Teaser as Last Week
- Written by Jude Terror on Monday, March 04 2013 and posted in News and Satire
Whatever the teaser is advertising, it will be revealed next week at SXSW!
Source: Press Release
Marvel Comics executives releases a teaser today with the number "1" drawn out using the names of Marvel creators. The promises something big from Marvel, in which Marvel will be "first." Some have speculated that it may be a new weekly series, such as Marvel Comics Presents, which has been teased on and off for the past few years. The teaser, which promises an announcement next weekend at SXSW in Austin Texas, would be very exciting if it weren't for the fact that Marvel already released almost this exact same teaser last week.
"Oooooooohhh," groaned a hung over Marvel head honcho, Joe Quesada. "What happened?"
The Marvel crew spent the weekend at Emerald City Comic Con in Seattle, widely known as "the Cleveland of the Northwest." Needless to say, the gang had no choice but to imbibe massive quantities of alcohol. "When in Rome..." and all that. As a result, the company was left to scramble for a Monday morning press release.
"Let's release the exact same teaser as last week, but with the names of people who work for us instead of characters," said Marvel editor Tom Brevoort, who had a steaming hot water bottle draped on top of his head.
"Ow!" exclaimed Editor in Chief Axel Alonso, sitting in a dark hotel room with all the shades drawn. "Shhhhhhhhhh! Would you just be fucking quiet?!"
Marvel wasn't the only company to see its staff go on a crazy bender in Seattle, only to regret it later. DC Comics' Ethan Van Sciver allegedly told a crowd at a convention panel that Dan Didio pitched Identity Crisis as "basically we're going to rape Jean Loring," and Gail Simone strapped on her beer goggles and signed a deal with Dynamite Entertainment.
"Not my best decision ever," said a remorseful Simone. "Now Alex Ross won't stop corresponding with me. And we're not talking texts or emails. Ross doesn't believe in any technology that didn't exist during the Golden Age of comics. He keeps writing me goddamn letters. Who the fuck writes letters anymore? That pretentious bastard."
Van Sciver, for his part, was forced to apologize for his remarks on Twitter. ""I would never be glib about rape. EVER," said the creator in the only real quote in this article. "I apologize for my choice of words. This is the dumbest thing I've ever done."
That's a bold claim from Van Sciver, especially when one considers that he almost definitely voted for Mitt Romney. Van Sciver also claimed that Bleeding Cool's original report sensationalized the story, and Bleeding Cool has since removed it, which proves that Van Sciver was right (we like him).
So it wasn't anyone's best weekend at Emerald City Comic Con, and we're not going to hold it against Marvel that the biggest effort they made toward revamping this teaser was changing the background color from black to red. We're just excited to find out what they're planning next Thursday when Bleeding Cool spoils it before the announcement at SXSW.
Here's the press release:
MARVEL #1!!!!11
Begin with the biggesht and besht super heroes in comicsh. Marvel does it FIRSHT! *hiccup!*
Find out more as Marvel Entertam... Marvel Entretra.... Marvel Entarte... Marvel Comicsh takes Austin, Texas by storm at the Marvel: Houshe of Ideash panel at the SXSW Gaming Expo – Sunday, March 10th at 1pm (CST)!
Stay tuned to www.marvel.com and www.sxswgaming.com for more details on Marvel’s plansh for SXSW.
Now excuse us for a moment. We're not feeling so well... blllarrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!!
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About the Author - Jude Terror
Jude Terror is the Webmaster Supreme of The Outhouse and a sarcastic ace reporter dedicated to delivering irreverent comics and entertainment news to The Outhouse's dozens of loyal readers. Driven by a quest for vengeance, Jude Terror taught himself to program and joined The Outhouse. He instantly began working toward his goal of forcing the internet comics community to take itself less seriously and failing miserably.
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