Saturday, December 20, 2014 • Evening Edition • "The Outhousers of Earth Ugh"

Revolution- Ghosts

Written by Dr. Improbable on Monday, April 01 2013 and posted in Features

Revolution- Ghosts

Why watch this show when you could be watching flies copulate?



 

Hopefully you’re all ready for stream-of-consciousness reviewing because I have an exam I should really be studying for instead of watching television, but it’s been stressing me out so much that I’ve reached a crazy breaking point where Revolution seems like a better option than drosophila melanogaster. (Aside: people who study flies are really into flies’ sex lives.) I’m sure in an hour that will change. -Sigh- Let’s begin.

Danny is buried and everyone is sad. Even the people who don’t know him. Charlie has some new clothes, because somewhere out there in the electricity-less world, young Indonesian children are still sewing Gap clothing. Miles condescends to help the rebels fight the militia. Rachel asks him to stay for Charlie (because he’s really her father? Can I still hold out for this?), but he thinks that’s dumb.

Aaron has two of the pendants for some reason (I honestly have no idea when this happened) and that Randall guy is tracking them with GPS and showing off to Monroe, who doesn’t appreciate being talked down to. Randall promises the glory and riches of power! I’m tired of that horrible metaphor.

Nora is pissed at Miles about something or other, or so she says- obviously she’s actually upset about his obvious thing with Rachel. Meanwhile, a traitor informs on Miles’s actions.

Rachel draws some flux capacitors when Charlie walks by covered in blood. Don’t worry, it’s not hers. 

Miles and Nora are somewhere in Virginia at a library, which isn’t a thing people are big on anymore. Some guy named Jim is running it; you may recall him as the guy who helped the Mathesons into Monroe-town. He’s going by the name Remus now, which I hope is a Harry Potter reference. There are threats and stuff.

Charlie was lying, as she’s got a pound of flesh missing from her shoulder. Rachel tells her she doesn’t get to go out, though Charlie points out that she hasn’t been mother of the year. So, naturally, Rachel slaps her. Wow, just, not winning any points. She then freaks out because the amulets are randomly firing up. Way to focus on your family there.

Jim isn’t sold on assassinating Monroe anymore, as he’s “Conan the Librarian,” which I confess I found funny. At least more amusing than anything else in this show. Miles continues to implore him but Jim refuses to give up this new life of his.

The rebels panic as Monroe/Randall’s forces approach. Rachel is mixing some acids with hydrogen peroxide, which, I don’t really know why you’d bother. She dumps the flash drives in the sulphuric acid, thwarting Randall’s efforts to obtain the pendants for power.

Flashback to Randall’s pre-blackout life. Wow, guess, who I don’t care about? This Randall guy.  His son died while serving overseas. Sucks, brah. In the present-future, Nora assures Miles they’ll find someone else as a kill squad not so covertly approaches the town. At the rebel’s compound, Charlie, Aaron, and Rachel sneak around to avoid the militia. Rachel whisper explains that Randall was her boss at the Department of Defence, where they were building a weapon. Randall comes across on a megaphone to say he was actually there for Rachel’s sexy, sexy brain.

Miles has headed back to Jim’s town to inform him about the murder squad. Jim maintains that he has a wife and a life now, and Miles gets all up in arms, saying that they don’t get to have a life like that; they’re killers, they’ll destroy the people they love around them. This doesn’t sound like any other show I watch at all. Nope. Not at all.

Neville comes to put in screen time for one of the two decent actors ask Monroe why he wasn’t sent to retrieve Rachel. Someone’s a little jumpy about telling their boss their son was dead. There’s then an awkward transition into another flashback of Randall, yelling at the Mathesons to up their game re: super secret project obviously related to the blackout.

In the present the gang continues to avoid Randall’s crew. Rachel apologises for being a shitty mom. Charlie doesn’t have the opportunity to respond owing to the fact that she has to shoot a dude in the face. She gets separated (of course) but manages to survive.

The death squad rolls (well, trots) into the semi-abandoned town. Jim and Miles greet them, demanding surrender. The captain laughs and has them arrested, then Jim, Miles, and Nora spring into action to take out all 20-odd men in the death squad. Obviously.

I wouldn’t have reckoned it possible, but I think I’m tired of this sword fighting. While Miles takes care of the militia, Charlie now has a machine gun (ho ho ho) and Randall has Rachel. He rambles about putting power in the hands of the few and making a new world yadda yadda yadda. Charlie, meanwhile, attempts to take out his entire entourage. While not completely successful on that front, she does well enough to get Rachel free and escape.

Miles & co. are cutting some mofos when the militia captain comes for Jim’s new wife. Jim shows his disapproval by murdering him.

Jim is pretty pissed Miles managed to destroy his life. Dude, how long has it been in show-time since they infiltrated Philadelphia? Even if it’s been the same as real-time, four months is a pretty short time to have established a “legitimate” life.

Charlie apologises to Rachel for some reason. Seriously, why? Rachel left her years ago and has been a huge bitch ever since she came back. This is completely backwards. I know dramatic shows on network television are miserable at writing women, but come on.

Flashback one last time to the night of the blackout. Randall is the one who gave the execute order for the blackout, apparently in honour of his dead son. It’s like Daddy Issues from a different perspective!

Aaron comes over to talk to Rachel. He wants some information, though she refuses to tell him anything. Again, WHY? Why wouldn’t she tell him? He’s been carrying the pendants around and he’s an ex-Google employee, he could probably be useful. I guess she heard me, because she changes her mind and tells him.

I have a lot to do, so I’m not going to sit here and analyse this show. Plus, there’s no point, because it’s somehow incredibly boring, still, even though it has all the components of a not-boring show. At any rate, it turns out I was right; Cre-Lox inducible mouse models sound way more interesting after an episode of Revolution





Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:




Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:


About the Author - DrImprobable


Before you ask, no, Dr. Improbable is not that kind of doctor, and will not be diagnosing your genital warts today. Seriously, put it away. The doc does more of the "mad science" brand of doctoring, though one day hopes to be that "time and space traveling" kind of doctor. In the meantime, Doc passes time cloning things, memorizing acronyms, and using large magnets. When not plotting all the terrible ways to destroy the human race (particularly those found on public transportation), the doc kills time by watching television and making sarcastic commentary on it.

 


More articles from DrImprobable
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!