Wednesday, May 23, 2018 • Evening Edition • "Resistance is futile."

Revolution- The Song Remains the Same

Written by Dr. Improbable on Monday, April 08 2013 and posted in Features

Revolution- The Song Remains the Same

Nanoviralbots? Are you kidding? I quit. Can I quit? I want to quit.


Open with a pissing contest between Monroe and Randall and Neville. Monroe is unsure of Neville’s loyalty. Meanwhile, Neville’s wife is upset she has to lie about her son being dead. I get motherly concern, but how do you go from being the conniving woman-behind-the-man to a worrywart? Jason is what, like seventeen? He’ll probably be okay without you cutting the crusts off his toast, and he’s definitely better off without you ruining his safe cover.

Aaron is upset because apparently the computers/electricity that still exist are all nanobots. Or kind of more like nanoviruses. Oh my god you have to be fucking kidding me. I quit. Can I quit? Nanoviralbots. I just. Why? Why?!

Neville rocks out to some Lionel Richie, which I would not have expected from him.  Someone disagrees with the soothing sounds of 80’s pop smooth jazz, and blows up his truck. That someone is Charlie and Miles.

Rachel wants Neville dead. No one else is sold on that idea for whatever reason- strategery or something. Miles interrogates Neville and asks what exactly he’s up to. Dammit, it’s sad; this interrogation scene is between the only two decent actors in this show and I just don’t care. Anyway, Miles beats Neville up a lot and Neville reveals nothing.

Rachel keeps playing with chemicals. No wonder her kids turned out kind of dumb.

Charlie is moping around when she notices that Jason is a part of the little rebel group now. Party! She tries to stop him from going inside, but he already knows his dad is back. Miles also thinks it’s a pretty terrible idea for Jason to confront his dad, though he punches Miles for holding a knife to his mom’s throat. The main idea here is that Miles and Jason don’t much like each other. Wait- is Jason angry with his dad or no? You know what? No, I still don’t care.

Pageboy haircut? Is it 1973? Rachel punches No Country For Old Men and is on her way in to see (i.e. kill) Neville. Charlie interrupts. Dramatic commercial break!

On the return, Charlie tells her mom to back the fuck off. Rachel counters and there are a lot of “women shouting” noises. Not to mention, so much eyebrow acting.  Rachel gets told off for being emotional and storms off into the arms of Miles, which you may recognise as the exact opposite of being not emotional. Jason creeps on them. What happened to Nora?

Jason confronts his father, who calls the rebels terrorists and murderers. Except Neville is also that. Jason apparently just stopped by to ask why his daddy doesn’t love him enough. Man, the level of fictional daddy issues I have to deal with… Neville tells Jason he just wanted him to be straight alpha male, so that’s why he was so hard on him; though he was always proud of his son. Jason says that’s crap. Well, okay, maybe he’s not as ill-adjusted as some fictional characters I know.

Regardless of whatever we’ve resolved, Jason releases Neville and is all primed to set out with his dear ol’ dad. Neville tells him where they need to go- but it turns out Jason was a ruse! A ruse I say! The rebels were listening, and now they know where Neville’s reinforcements are. Neville is incensed and tells Jason his mother’s blood is on his hands.

Uh some stuff happens that I don’t really watch because I’m searching old conversations for a very specific .gif. (See above.) Miles does promise to save Jason’s mom. Charlie is apparently going on this adventure, and makes Rachel promise not to kill Neville. Seriously, don’t do that Rachel. Giancarlo Esposito is one of the few redeeming factors on this show.

Neville has not been lashed down very tightly and attacks his guard, stabbing him to death until he dies of dying.

Miles & Co. stalk out Randall. Jason attempts to off them with an arrow, but is shot at. Really over-capitalising on the Hunger Games stuff, huh? After a really boring shootout (a feat only this show could accomplish) the good guys check out the compound, which is filled with schematics and radioactivity.

Neville’s wife is having a tea party and pretending to mourn her son, at least until Neville bursts in. He frantically packs, while his wife says their lives are in the magical world of civilisation and luxury. He begs her to flee.

Rachel is trying to figure out what was in the briefcase Randall had. It was apparently a nuclear bomb. Womp womp.

Rachel’s mad she didn’t kill Neville. She tells Charlie she has to leave to reactivate all the electricity everywhere at The Tower. Miles points out that giving everyone power is a terrible idea, especially because “everyone” includes Texas. Fuckin’ Texas. She makes him promise to take care of Charlie, which he points out is her job. Yeah, her track record on that is not great. She tells Miles to take better care of Charlie than he did of her, which apparently turns him on enough for hot make outs to ensue. Awkward, bro.

Charlie tries to go with her mom, who is all, “No, I’m not coming back.” Nihilist much?  Charlie is sad and seriously child, decide if you like your mom or not. Aaron is also leaving since he has a brain or whatever. Charlie begs her mom for a little glimmer of hope, which Rachel denies and C’MON. Worst mom ever.

Next time: Miles and Charlie leave the Monroe Republic to go to beautiful Atlanta, Georgia.

I’d summarise my feelings on this show, but I don’t care and you don’t care and since it’s still not the worst show on NBC, (which isn’t a rousing endorsement) Revolution is going to get renewed and I’m going to keep having to write these because the Overlords take diabolical delight in my suffering. 


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About the Author - DrImprobable

Before you ask, no, Dr. Improbable is not that kind of doctor, and will not be diagnosing your genital warts today. Seriously, put it away. The doc does more of the "mad science" brand of doctoring, though one day hopes to be that "time and space traveling" kind of doctor. In the meantime, Doc passes time cloning things, memorizing acronyms, and using large magnets. When not plotting all the terrible ways to destroy the human race (particularly those found on public transportation), the doc kills time by watching television and making sarcastic commentary on it.


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