I’m going to be honest. This is my third review for the day, and the weather is giving me sinus issues because there’s nothing cool about me at all, and I am tired and have actual work to do tomorrow. So here’s a super abridged summary of tonight’s Revolution, which no one cares about anyway.
Mark Pellegrino! I was hoping I’d see you tonight! He’s helping Monroe still be paranoid. Miles and Charlie and Nora are still in Georgia and Rachel and Aaron pay their way west across the Mississippi with lots and lots of diamonds.
While Rachel condescends/ignores Aaron somewhere in one of those flat, dry states with tornadoes, Monroe has gone back to his and Miles’ hometown. He sends a message to Miles informing him that if he doesn’t come to Monroe, he will slaughter everyone in their town just for knowing him, up to and including his childhood sweetheart. Miles is probably not that disappointed, as it gives him an excuse not to tell Charlie what happened between him and her mom.
While Monroe perpetrates some dickitry (dicketry?) and flashes back to his weird teenaged love triangle, Aaron espies his implausibly hot Asian wife, also known as Priscilla. In a completely unnecessary ten minute scene, he hunts her down and attempts to reunite with her, only to be snubbed. Because all women are either indecisive damsels or cruel vixens, right, network television? That’s right.
Rachel breaks Aaron’s heart a little more by telling him that sometimes life sucks and love dies. But he realises something is afoot when IHAW is bludgeoned and kidnapped by her not-new-husband. Miles gets back to his hometown, only to be shot at a lot. The entire town is locked in a building, because this scene borrowed heavily from The Patriot. Say what you want, but that man knows plot.
Never fear, the town won’t be burned alive because Miles didn’t really come alone! Big fucking surprise. Monroe’s got High School Sweetheart at gunpoint and is threatening to kill her to get Miles out. She reveals she cheated on him, but someone shoots her for some reason. I’m going to be honest, I’m not sure why any of that happened, much like 90% of this show. I’m not even sure which kid is Miles and which is Monroe in the flashback. Monroe gets dragged out of the town in his helicopter.
To finish we return to the Dust Bowl, where IHAW says goodbye to Aaron after he’s saved her from brutal kidnapping. It’s very sad, I’m sure. Meanwhile, the Georgian president has Tom Neville on hand to do her bidding. Is this supposed to be a twist? Because that seems like a pretty logical transition for a guy who had to run away from the Monroe Republic.
Oh GODS there are still five more episodes.