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Cancelled Heroes Speak About Unemployment

Written by MrKent on Monday, May 20 2013 and posted in Features

Cancelled Heroes Speak About Unemployment

Mr. Kent asks DC heroes who have recently lost their books to share their feelings on the matter.

In the current economy, finding work is difficult. Not all of us can be handsome reporters for the most respected news source on the Internet. Everybody's looking for work, from new additions to the work force who find they need a couple years experience for entry-level jobs, to experienced professionals who are just down on their luck. Sadly, this even extends to our beloved superheroes. In the past couple of years, DC's had a noted reputation for frequently laying off heroes who just don't seem to make as much money as others. I've sat down with some of the newest fires to get their side of the story. I started with the demon Etrigan (Demon Knights).


MrKent: Thank you for coming today, Etrigan. You know, I tried to find you for a Mother's Day interview, but couldn't. What took you away from Gotham?


Etrigan: It is the truth, what you say. I was not in Gotham that day. I was in New York, receiving the news. My comic book couldn't pay its dues.


MrKent: So, now that you're unemployed, what's next?


Etrigan: I would not call myself "unemployed", although my schedule's certainly void.


MrKent: And why's that?


Etrigan: In Stormwatch I did once appear, so while no future work is near, I doubt DC is done with me, as I was made by Jack Kirby.


MrKent: That doesn't seem to have helped O.M.A.C.


Etrigan: While I'm not thrilled by cancellation, I'm viewing this time as a simple vacation. I'll be back. Yes, I'm quite sure. You'll see Etrigan once more.


At this point, Etrigan started cackling and jumped through the window of my office, so I guess the interview was over. Unfortunately, I wasn't able to fully interview other recently unemployed heroes. but I was able to get quotes from most of them.


Amethyst (Sword of Sorcery) claimed that she didn't mind her book ending, because "It was just supposed to be a temporary deal anyway", stating that she wasn't supposed to be the only story in Sword of Sorcery, it just ended up that way.


Andrew Bennet (I, Vampire) mentioned going on vacation up to his friend Skinner's ranch in Canada. He also mentioned something about "how they dicked over Josh" being a shame.


Braniac V (Legion of Superheroes) just cried about forty years wasted, then proceeded to get drunk in my office. He jumped through another window, even though there was a perfectly good hole where Etrigan had left the premises.


Larfleeze (Threshold) shrieked about how he was getting his own book, and couldn't care less what happens to the other cast members of the comic's main story. He then stole my hat.


Nelson Jent (Dial H) kept speaking in a variety of different voices, and frankly I don't think a transcript of his interview would prove very enlightening anyway. I know I couldn't follow anything he was saying.


So overall, it seems most of the unemployed heroes are taking it on the chin. Except Braniac V, who urinated on the side of Outhouse Headquarters and was arrested for public indecency.


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About the Author - MrKent

MrKent writes for the Outhouse, having been won by Christian Hoffer in a poker game with Perry White. He's not a superhero, but he does talk to them, getting their perspective on all the latest news and events. He has had restraining orders served to him by at least 17 members of the superhuman community, with at least a dozen more pending.



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