- Written by Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E. on Thursday, May 23 2013 and posted in Features
Source: FRANK NO NEED HELP! FRANK IS HELPER!
FRANK WANT SAY "fRANK SORRY." FRANK KNOW THIS LATE, BUT FRANK NO ABLE TO MAKE ARM WORK YESTERDAY SO FRANK HAVE TAKE BREAK! FRANK EVEN LEAVE WORK EARLY CAUSE NO CAN DO ANYTHING ANYWAYS!
BUT, FRANK BACK NOW, SO FRANK HELP!
From www.theouthousers.com, GLX asks: 'Does your wife share your views on fire?'
BRIDE OF FRANK MORE MAD AT FIRE THAN FRANK! SHE ALWAYS COMPLAINING THAT FRANK MIGHT BURN HOUSE DOWN AND SHE NO WANT TO BURN! FRANK CAREFUL, FRANK NO EVER DROP THINGS! OK, FINE, FRANK DROP THINGS, BUT FRANK NO EVER SET FIRE TO HOUSE! OK, FINE, BUT NOT THIS CENTURY!
"From skype, Royal Nonesuch asks: 'Dear Frank, No matter how much I work out, I can't seem to get my body to the sexy shape I want to be in. Do you recommend that I replace my torso, arms, and legs with those that have rippling pecs, six-pack abs, bulging biceps, and outstanding calves? Is body part replacement the monster's alternative to working out?'"
FRANK NO EVER UNDERSTAND ‘WORKING OUT!’ SOUNDS LIKE MUCH EFFORT AND TIME SPENT WHEN ALL ROYAL HAVE DO IS GO FIND NEW PARTS! IT EASY, FRANK TEACH YOU HOW TO GET INTO MORGUES! NO GO TO FUNERAL HOMES, EMBALMING FLUID BAD!
From www.theouthousers.com, sdsichero asks: 'FRANK do you have any alien parts? If not, which alien parts would you like to try out?'
FRANK NO CURRENTLY HAVE ALIEN PARTS! EARTH QUARANTINED BECAUSE HUMANS BUNCH OF DICKS! FRANK USED TO HAVE 8 LEGS FROM PLANET 55-09Z (THAT WHAT THEY NAME IT) AND THAT WAS COOL! FRANK ABLE TO CLIMB UP WALLS LIKE SPIDER-MAN! WAIT! THAT WAS IN 1950S, STAN LEE STOLE FRANK’S IDEA! EVEN MORE NO JUSTICE FOR MONSTERS!
FRANK ALWAYS WANT TRY PARTS OF CHANGELINGS FROM STAR TREK: DEEP SPACE 9! FRANK THINK IF FRANK HAVE PART OF ODO FRANK NE EVER NEED NEW PART AGAIN! CHANGELINGS CAN BE ANYTHING, FRANK WANT BE BIRD!
IF FRANK BIRD, FRANK FLY EVERYWHERE SOARING ABOVE CLOUDS AND NO EVER NEED BE IN PLANE AGAIN! PLANES BAD! METAL DETECTORS ALWAYS EMBARRASS FRANK AND FRANK NO EVER WANT STRIP FOR TSA AGAIN! TSA PROFILE FRANK! MONSTERS GOOD! FINGERS IN NAUGHTY PLACES BAD! WELL, WHEN FRANK NO ASK FOR IT, IT BAD!
From www.theouthousers.com, outsider asks: 'Frank, how do you explain Pitbull's success? He's the entertainment version of black shoes - is there anything he can't be paired with?!'
IS PITBULL A PERSON? FRANK NO KNOW HIM! IS HE A “DRAKE?” FRANK HEARD OF HIM, BUT NO KNOW WHAT HE DO, BUT FRANK BET FRANK NO LIKE HIM!
PITBULLS ARE GREAT DOGS AND NO DISSERVE BAD REP THEY HAVE!
From www.theouthousers.com, Black_Orchid asks: 'Is there a fan fiction story you have always wanted to tell?'
FRANK ALWAYS THINK THAT FRANK WRITE GOOD FRANK LOVE STORY WHERE BEAUTIFUL YOUNG MODEL FALL IN LOVE WITH SEXY MONSTER AND THEY RUN AWAY TOGETHER. WHEN MODEL GET TOO OLD FRANK FIND WAY TO PRESERVE SO SHE ALWAYS PRETTY! OFF TOP OF HEAD, FRANK THINK KATE UPTON SHOULD POSE FOR FRANK SO FRANK CAN DRAW AND WRITE COMIC BOOK! IT SUPPOSED TO BE VERTIGO BOOK, SO KATE MIGHT HAVE SHOW FRANK THINGS SO FRANK CAN DRAW GOOD BOOK! BUT FRANK NO MAKE BOOK, DC FIRE FRANK! DC BAD!
HAVE GOOD DAY!
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About the Author - Frankenstein, Former Agent of S.H.A.D.E.
Frankenstein is the swordwielding monsterfighting monster formerly employed by S.H.A.D.E., a global agency dedicated to fighting weird stuff. Unfortunately, Dan Didio laid off Frankenstein due to low sales, and Frank quickly lost the bulk of his intelligence trying to piece together DC continuity while updating his resume. Luckily, the Outhouse's staff is largely made up of dumb beasts, and Frank is now working as an contributing reporter while he is between jobs.
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