Greetings, comrades! El Presidente here, reporting from Edward Snowden's room at the Santa Isabel Hotel, where we're discussing using overreaching United States government surveillance programs to get scoops on the latest movie industry rumors.
While I contnue to work on that, I've got some hot Hollywood gossip for you today, my friends! The industry has been rumbling for some time now about an Independence Day sequel, and that news was confirmed by director Roland Emmerich in an interview with the New York Daily News this weekend. Unexpectedly, Emmerich, or as his friends call him, E-Rich, dropped a major scoop bomb in the interview. It seems that Independence Day star Will Smith, or Billy S as his friends call him, is considered too expensive and well-known for the project, so he won't be returning. According to E-Rich, the sequel will have "like maybe half of the people that you know would know from the first film (in the script) and the other half people who are new."
This really is a shocker, comrades, almost as bad as the time my sister Juanita was revealed to be CIA agent Richard Johnston in a wig and a dress! Billy S was the heart and soul of Independence Day, and I'm not sure how much drawing power the movie will have without him. Well, that is unless the studio hires a suitable replacement. Is Joseph Gordon-Levitt , or G-Lizzy as his friends call him, doing anything?
I apologize for being the bearer of bad news, my loyal readers. If there's one thing I know about aliens, it's that they, like Hollywood gossip bloggers, love to keep score. The planet Earth was leading 1-0 after Smith blew up their mothership with a super cool computer virus in Independence Day, but when they come looking for payback, the star power of Judd Hirsch may not be enough to prevent them from evening the odds. Stay tuned to CubanoReview.com and The Outhouse for updates.