Jeremy Ottswallop, a 29 year old quality control worker at a Mansfield, OH potato chip factory, is fed up with what he feels is the unsatisfactory treatment of his favorite character. "Marvel has ruined Spider-Man," he angrily stated at his local comic book store, Joe's Comics and Cards. "And I'm done wasting my time reading their comics until they fix him."
Immediately, a gathered crowd broke into applause and cheered. Ottswallop had officially broken the Guinness World Record for most times quitting a Spider-Man comic, having quit Dan Slott's Superior Spider-Man a record 23 times over a six month period.
"It's quite an impressive feat," said official Guinness World Record Adjudicator Benjamin Hensley. "To quit a book over and over again takes a lot of courage and stamina."
As cake was passed around to celebrate the feat, Ottswallop explained why he continually quit the book over and over again. "What Slott has done to Spider-Man is terrible," he said in between bites of a cake that read "Keep on Quittin', Jeremy!". "Replacing Peter's soul with Dr. Octopus is almost as unforgivable as when they had him eat hot dogs with Loki. I keep hoping that the book will get better, which is why I keep un-quitting, but Slott never fails to make it seem more likely that Peter Parker will never come back."
Ottswallop beat the previous record set by Aaron Barkley of Hollywood, CA, who quit the book 22 times during One More Day, in which Spider-Man's marriage to Mary Jane was erased from reality. Barkley famously tied himself to a Spider-Man impersonator outside of the TCL Chinese Theatre and refused to leave until a list of demands had been met, which included the restoration of the marriage with the addition of Gwen Stacy as a polyamorous third member of the relationship. Police eventually tased Barkley after a tense 3 hour standoff and freed the Spider-Man impersonator.
When asked for comment, Barkley admitted that he was in a dark place during his World Record attempt and admitted that he enjoyed the new Spider-Man direction, saying that it was one of the fresher concepts to be introduced by Marvel in years.
Joe Young, the owner of Joe's Comics and Cards, thought that Ottswallop was being a bit dramatic about the whole thing. "We stopped removing Superior Spider-Man from his pull list," he admitted. "He just keeps adding the book back whenever we take it off."
But Ottswallop said this time he was really done. "Nope, Marvel's lost me as a customer forever," he said. "Even if next issue features Spider-Man and the Lizard teaming up...and the Lizard is like my tenth favorite Spider-Man villain." Ottswallop quickly excused himself, presumably to speak to a store clerk about getting the comic added back to his pull list.