El Presidente here, reporting from the panda cage at the Chinese National Zoo where I like to volunteer as a midwife.
Let me tell you something, comrades. I LOVE CosmicBookNews. You may remember last week when I reported on rumors from CBN about the upcoming Star Wars Episode 7, wherein CBN Editor in Chief Matt McGroin took every opportunity in the article to bash that second-rate, poser Latino-themed Hollywood gossip site, Latino Review.
Well, CBN is back this week with another bold and completely unsubstantiated rumor, this time about Superman vs. Batman. According to McGroin's "sources," Breaking Bad star Brian Cranston has been signed to a six picture deal to play Lex Luthor in DC's movieverse. This will supposedly be announced officially after Breaking Bad finishes, to maximize the publicity. The plan is apparently to have Luthor and all of the major DC characters appear liberally in every movie, or, if not actually appearing, be mentioned Poochie style by all the other characters so that moviegoers remember that this is a shared universe like Marvel's Avengers.
Folks, you have got to love the massive set of cojones on the appropriately named McGroin. Not only does he state the Cranston rumor as a matter of fact, with no sources attributed, but he even labels the article an "exclusive" as well. Ha ha ha! I love this man! What does "exclusive" even mean? Within five minutes of anyone reporting anything on the internet it's regurgitated on hundreds of other sites!
Well, since the term can be used so loosely, this article is better than an exclusive, my friends. This is a double secret exclusive! Suck on that, blogosphere!
McGroin also goes on to claim that Ben Affleck has a thirteen picture deal as Batman, DC wants to bring in Matt Damon to the franchise as Aquaman, and Mark Strong is rumored to return as Sinestro.
Most of these "rumors" are just things fans have wished for on message boards, but hey, they could happen!
Compadres, the Hollywood gossip game is broken down like this:
1% legitimately sourced rumors.
9% intelligent speculation reported as coming from an "inside source."
85% keeping score.
5% paranoid rantings on Twitter about how Kevin Feige is out to get you.
CBN, like CubanoReview and The Outhouse, understands that the score is all that matters in this game. Nobody is going to remember how many times you got something wrong as long as, when something you predicted eventually happens, you can point back to it and claim an "industry credited trade scoop."
That's Hollywood, comrades.
El Presidente out!
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About the Author - El Presidente
El Presidente gave up his position as President and Prime Minister of Cuba, as well as First Secretary of Cuba's Communist Party, in 2008 in order to concentrate on his true love: Hollywood gossip reporting. Forming the rumor website Cubano Review, El Presidente built a name for himself based on over THREE DOZEN industry credited trade scoops. Unfortunately, capitalist American trade embargoes have rendered CubanoReview.com unreachable from within the United States, forcing El Presidente to syndicate his articles to The Outhouse, which flies under the radar of the American oligarchy thanks to most leaders assuming it is a scat porn site, which, to be fair, is basically true.
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