Not content with taking over Vertigo's slot as the "go to" publisher for great comics, Image Comics has reportedly decided to, finally, marry a comic book "news" website, thus solidifying themselves as a real mainstream publisher. Whereas Marvel has Newsarama and DC (and anyone with a pulse) has ComicBookResources, Image is taking the less traveled road and marrying a cute but funny site that knows how to have a good time. Reading from Image's E-harmony profile:
We won't lie, looks are important, but not as important as having some semblance of integrity and knowledge that these are just comic books. What we are looking for in a partner is someone who will love us for who we are, but tell us the truth when we mess up.
Hmmmm... do you know of any websites that fit that description?
"We felt kind of left out, being the only major comic book publisher without a trophy comic book news site," said Image Publisher Eric Stephenson. "Whenever Marvel and DC call us to hang out, we feel like the third wheel, you know? They're always doing couples things, like writing 5 star reviews of mediocre event comics or giving fluff interviews that are little more than commercials. It's uncomfortable being single."
King of the Independents Robert Kirkman continued: "We are not looking for a 'yes' site, but it would be nice to have a site that we knew we could depend on around the holidays, you know, so our parents don't worry that we don't have anyone in our lives."
"Many sites were in consideration, but it wasn't until we heard about the review talent available from our fiance's staff (heh, I said staff) that we knew we had found the right partner for us," Stephenson added. "I mean, when reviewing such tripe as Avengers vs. X-Men last year, this site basically told people to read Prophet instead, and this was before we started dating."
"Who could buy publicity like that?" Stephenson asked, lovestruck. "Well, besides Marvel and DC, who have been verbally fellated by the mainstream comics media in exchange for exclusive access to talent and content, as well as paid full page background advertisements, for years."
The event will be commemorated in a 48 page special Image Comics Wedding Special, complete with a foil-embossed 3D cover, to be written and drawn by the surviving Image founders. The comic is expected to be ready for release by Image's tenth wedding anniversary.
At press time, the identity of Image's fiance had not been officially revealed. However, sources close to snarky news site The Outhouse report that Outhouse Editor in Chief Christian Hoffer has been strutting around the Outhouse offices whistling "Here Comes the Bride" and sporting a massive diamond ring on his finger all morning. Hoffer also announced a brand new review grading scale for Image Comics earlier this week.
"We're using a multiplier grading scale," explained Hoffer. "For instance, Saga #15 is 20x better than a Marvel/DC comic."
Save the date: 11-11-13.