Sunday, April 22, 2018 • Morning Edition • "The greatest comic book website."

Supernatural- Heaven Can't Wait

Written by Dr. Improbable and The Resident on Wednesday, November 13 2013 and posted in Features

Supernatural- Heaven Can't Wait

Pain is weakness leaving the body… oh wait, that's your life force

Source: supernatural fangirls

It’s Tuesday, so you know what that means- fire up the Asia and get ready, it’s time to load up the salt shotguns and go huntin’. Full apologies: Res was busy turning another year older and getting engaged tonight so we were a little distracted. (I had several shibes to make in celebration, as well as a survey to conduct about what kind of strippers to have at the bachelorette party.)

Good news, everyone! Kevin has translated the angel tablet …into a different, still unreadable language that looks vaguely like cuneiform.  But Sam isn’t the “nerd” and Kevin isn’t in Advanced Placement for nothing! Thanks to the extensive library collected by the Men of Letters, there are 24 volumes of dead languages to cross-reference! Dean is saved from his own personal hell (cough-phrasing-cough) by a call from Cas, who has noticed mysterious deaths in the town where he’s laying low as a human. Dean leaves the reading to those who didn’t hit on cheerleaders all through high school and is off to help Cas solve a mystery.

Everyone’s favourite accountant/angel, meanwhile, has been working at a 7-11-esque store. His hard work and dedication to his minimum-wage job has not gone unnoticed by his manager, a fit blonde thirty-something whose name is wholly unimportant. This show makes us assume that all attractive women are secretly evil (Res was 66% sure that this woman was an angel, 20% sure she was another Reaper, and the remaining 14% were evenly split amongst the various she-creatures the boys have hunted. That is not a good thing). Repressed issues much, writers? Of course, she’s kind of an idiot for not figuring out Cas is living in the back of the store, even after finding his sleeping bag. She asks him to come over to her house that night, rewarding him with a kiss on the lips when he agrees. Aww, giddy Cas is adorable.


Dean arrives at the store with a smile and a joke – it’s almost like he didn’t kick one of his best friends out of a place of safety for vague reasons! Cas is reluctant to help out with the investigation due to his lack of powers, but does help piece together that the offending culprit is your typical angel of death situation. Well, not so much an angel of death as an angel who is devoted to relieving the world of pain- mostly by killing those in pain. Extreme measures, man. This would be an excellent place for the writers to further illustrate how pain defines humanity, but instead, you know, there’s a potential sexy situation for Cas to get to.

Sam and Kevin are making considerably less headway back at the bunker, so Sam brings Crowley the “translated” tablet and asks him to decipher it. Which, wait, didn’t they spend the latter half of season eight trying to keep Crowley away from the tablet? I know he’s incapacitated now but seriously. Crowley demands his one phone call in exchange, which of course means that one of the boys has to give their blood. Sam lends Crowley some blood for his telephone call (typical AT&T). He’s put on hold (typical AT&T).

Dean gives Cas some advice for his date, including but not limited to removing his work vest and unbuttoning his shirt a little. I’d say Cas is adorable enough on his own, what with the dictionary definition of sad puppy eyes in his favour, but then I remember the last woman he slept with murdered him. (But remember Meg? We miss Meg.)

Turns out Dean’s advice was unnecessary, as Cas’s manager was really asking him over to babysit her infant while she went bowling with someone. Seriously woman? He’s been working for you for what? Two weeks? Even if he’s a competent worker, you don’t just hand over your kid to a strange man who has been living in the back of the store where you work and seems to lack ALL basic social skills (no matter how kind his eyes are). Mother of the year award right there.

Cas is, unsurprisingly, good at infant care and it is adorable. The baby starts burning up a fever, which makes him panic. As he opens the door to take the baby to the hospital, he finds the angel Ephraim (Ashton Holmes) on his doorstep. (You might remember him as the douchey Tyler from the first season of “Revenge”. Or not. That could just be Res.) (He did look familiar but I only watched three episodes of that show before I stopped caring –Doc) Turns out, our angel of relieving suffering comes only for the fervently faithful… which you have to assume an ex-angel is, for better or worse. Cas tries to pull a Dean and use his blood to slyly draw an angel warding, but he’s just not as smooth as his adopted big brother. (Aside: my tweet on this was insanely popular [for me], blowing up my phone all night. Despite a typo.)

Dean crashes through the door, distracting Ephraim but not enough for Cas to get back to the warding. Dean pulls through with the angel blade, allowing Cas to defeat angel of death. Gotta give Cas the award for most dedicated babysitter ever. When the mom returns everything seems normal, even if her date sucked, and she once again states that Cas is an alright guy (yay). Dean leaves a reluctant Cas to his work at the 7-11 (boo). But you know he won’t be sitting this out for long.

Crowley’s call finally connects and we get to spend a little time with Abbadon. They have a dick measuring contest over who can be the best king of Hell- Abbadon wants to overthrow all the “order in chaos” that he’s worked so hard to create, but Crowley still believes his way was more efficient. C’mon, Abbadon, he’s a Brit; you can’t take away his queues! Can’t believe the world is going to suffer MORE because of inter-office politics.

Crowley is disgusted with Abbadon and manages to translate the tablet pretty quickly.  The short answer is there isn’t any way to reverse the spell that caused the angels to fall from Heaven. It seems like they’re going to keep looking for something, though, and Crowley is squarely on team Free Will (not just because he seems to enjoy shooting up Sam’s blood).

Next week: creepy children? Check! Intense zombie/ghost make up? Check! Abandoned non-descript but vaguely Midwestern warehouse? Check! It’s like season two all over again, guys!


Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

Comment without an Outhouse Account using Facebook

We get it. You don't feel like signing up for an Outhouse account, even though it's FREE and EASY! That's okay. You can comment with your Facebook account below and we'll take care of adding it to the stream above. But you really should consider getting a full Outhouse account, which will allow you to quote posts, choose an avatar and sig, and comment on our forums too. If that sounds good to you, sign up for an Outhouse account by clicking here.

Note: while you are welcome to speak your mind freely on any topic, we do ask that you keep discussion civil between each other. Nasty personal attacks against other commenters is strongly discouraged. Thanks!
Help spread the word, loyal readers! Share this story on social media:

About the Author - DrImprobable

Before you ask, no, Dr. Improbable is not that kind of doctor, and will not be diagnosing your genital warts today. Seriously, put it away. The doc does more of the "mad science" brand of doctoring, though one day hopes to be that "time and space traveling" kind of doctor. In the meantime, Doc passes time cloning things, memorizing acronyms, and using large magnets. When not plotting all the terrible ways to destroy the human race (particularly those found on public transportation), the doc kills time by watching television and making sarcastic commentary on it.


More articles from DrImprobable
The Outhouse is not responsible for any butthurt incurred by reading this website. All original content copyright the author. Banner by Ali Jaffery - he's available for commission!